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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me. I still

Customer Question

My girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me. I still love her very much and I want her back in my life. She's admitted wanting to be friends with me. I have faith that perhaps I am able to win her back to me. Is something like this possible, or am I wasting me time?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello

what are your ages?

why did she split with you?

how did you meet?

what kinds of relationship problems were there?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What are your ages?
I'm 26, she's 25

why did she split with you?
She said she didn't see where we were heading. She also said she wasn't feeling the excitement like when you first meet someone you like.

how did you meet?
We met through a mutual friend

what kinds of relationship problems were there?
I become jealous very easy when she was out with friends. She felt she could never give me the love I wanted. Due to living situations also, there wasn't much time we could spend together.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
If I'm sounding desperate, please tell me so. I've been very confused as to what I should do lately.

Maybe I'm just stupid for wanting her back.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello Manson,

No one in love is stupid...it's a feeling that can make us do stupid things, but you're not stupid for feeling love, you're very brave. When a woman feels hemmed in by her mates jealousy, it can block any affection she might feel for you because it makes her feel that you are not sure of yourself. Women want men who are sure of themselves. It also can make her feel like you are immature and not able to deal with the general things in life.

The excitement thing is kind of silly because no relationship can sustain that 'when we first met' feeling, eventually you get comfortable with each other. It's at that point that you have to decide if you truly want to be together, and why. Was there something more she wanted out of the relationship for her to say that she didn't see where the relationship was going?

How much time did you spend together? How far apart do you live?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
If there was something more she wanted, she wouldn't tell me what that was. She just told me didn't see where we were going.

We actually did not get to spend a lot of time together. We live about 25-30 minutes away from each other. Work schedules for the both of us, and my school schedule kept us from getting together a lot. I feel like that hurt us.

I read about the fading of excitment feeling actually in a relationship book. I tried to explain it to her, but I don't know if anything sunk through.

I suppose I am a fool in love. Oh, by the way, just in case it matters, I don't think I mentioned before...we are both female. Me being a lesbian, and she being a bisexual. Her being bisexual really helped bring out the jealousy in me... I think.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Well, I definitly think that's important because women and men deal with things and process things so differently. Are you bi or completely lesbian?

Do you usually date bi women?

What's your thoughts on her being with men?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am completely lesbian. She's the first bisexual I've ever been with, only one too. I didn't date at all before her, so she was my first date/relationship... everything.

Thinking of her being with men sometimes disgusts me. And it scares me. But I know it shouldn't matter because she choose to be with me. It just lingers in the back of my head.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
It's certainly something to consider, as she may not be as fulling invested in being with a woman for the rest of her life as you might be. Since this is your first relationship, it can affect you more than almost any other relationship in your life. I think it means something that she's willing to remain friends, but I wouldn't take it to heart that it could mean that you are going to get back together.

The best thing to do now is exactly the opposite of what you're probably thinking of doing. Which is to give her some space, not to call her unless she calls you (or if you must call her, limit it to once a week, unless she's calling you more). When she does call, do not pick up, let it go to the machine, and call he back an hour later. When you do get on the phone with her, be the first to hang up, tell her you have something to do, or someone came by and you have to leave. When you speak to her, do not bring up anything about the relationship, if she brings it up, just listen and try to see where she's coming from.

It will be hard, but if you want her to come towards you, you must back away. If you go towards her she will back away, that's just the science of relationships, it sounds crazy, and it is. But I would say give it a try for a month and see if she changes at all. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is she either wants to be with you or she doesn't. A relationship can't be made up of one person who has feeling, while the other doesn't..it's just not going to work....she has to want to be with you as bad as you want to be with her, or she doesn't deserve you. You have to start thinking of it as her loss, or you'll lose it.

Try to get into some extra activities, take a class, go on a trip, visit friends, hang out, just stay busy. If you want to talk more, I'm around. Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you very much. What you've said echoed the little advice I have been getting from some friends. I haven't tried calling her in weeks. I can't remember the last time I did. There are days I send her little emails as a hello... but generally I haven't tried to reach out to her. There are days she comes to me, being on internet chat, and I talk back... but I try extremely hard not to be the first one.

I just started back to school, and I have been spending a LOT of time with friends to occupy my mind, and then after a day, I still think about her. Cry

Well, thank you again. I appreciate it.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
It's not problem. Its not going to be easy, take as much energy as you can and put it into school, and your plans for the future. The more you can get your life together and create the life you want, the more you will attract her or someone else in the long run. It's natural to think about her, and it may take a long time before you're able to go through a day without thinking about her. You were with her for two years, it may take at least half that amount of time to truly move past this. Like I mentioned before, only she can really decide if she's willing to put the same amount of energy into trying to get back together, or the odds aren't very good. Don't be too hard on yourself if you do think about her, it's normal. I'm always here if you need to talk more. Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well, thanks for asking. Seems like with each passing day I hear less and less from my ex-girlfriend. I don't like being treated like I didn't matter, but that's they way it seems like.

I did meet a new woman.... and things were going okay until a week ago, when she decided that someone else was better to date then me.

Things don't seem to be going my way at all, but I'm hanging in there.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hey there,

Nice to hear from you again, although not under the best of circumstances. Let me ask you a couple of questions.

Are you trying to be in a long term relationship or just date, hang out, etc?

Do you find that others are usually the ones ending the relationship, you usually end it, or it's about 50/50?

What do you look for in a partner?

Where do you usually meet women?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am looking for something long term. I've never been all that keen on the idea of dating. I don't know why I want something permanent. People think I'm too young to be wanting to settle down. (I'm 26) It just seems like a nice thing... to have someone around.

It's usually the other person that ends things.

What I look for in a partner... I guess a funny and honest person. I want to meet someone that doesn't lie or cheat. I guess I sound like every other person in describing a perfect mate. Seems like you'd want someone that has similar interests, music and art. I say I prefer a certain look too, but seems like I fall for girls that look nothing like my ideal. But I do like femme lesbians... as opposed to butch.

I haven't been having much luck finding women at all. Typically I've been on the date matching websites. But I never seem to meet fellow lesbians in daily life.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Thanks for that info. I wanted to let you know that I will be out of town till sat, and when I get your response I will get back to you as soon as I get online. I had a couple of other questions.

When you meet people online, do you respond to other people's ads or do you wait for them to respond to yours?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It's been a little of both actually. Sometimes I send some messages. And I respond to others.

Lots of the messages I send out I don't get a response though.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Thanks for that info. I had a couple of other questions.

When you meet people online, do you respond to other people's ads or do you wait for them to respond to yours?

Do you find that you rush into things or take your time?

Are you clear with people up front that you are looking for a ltr?

Do you go more for 'straight' or 'bi' women as opposed to gay women?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It's been a little of both actually. Sometimes I send some messages, been not too much. I don't get around to checking the sites all the time. So I guess I just let others respond to me. Lots of the messages I send out I don't get a response though.

I feel like I do rush things. When I happen to meet someone I might like I do give it time and try and get to know them. I guess it's when I think I might have someone, or do have someone, I start to rush things... serious talks about life stuff.

I do tell people that. Mostly because I feel like many people just aren't always looking for something serious. They just want to play the field. That's not me, so I make it known.

A lot of the time, the women I attract to are straight girls.

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