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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Quite soon in to relationships I become completely overwhelmed

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Quite soon in to relationships I become completely overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions. So much so that i have needed to end the relationship to lift this "depression" that seems to come over me. This has happened twice so far in my life. I am tired of this destroying every intimate, meaningful relationship that comes into my life with a woman. I am looking for advice on dealing with this and also would love to hear from anyone with a similar experience, as i don't know anyone who is affected like this so overwhelmingly.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What is your age?

 

-How long have you felt this emotion?

 

-Did you have any relationship that could have made you feel this way?

 

-What was your relationship with your parents or sibling or other family members?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

There maybe many reason you cannot stay in a relationship and you start to think negatively about the relationship, either you had a terrible experience with a relationship whether it be with another woman, your father, your mother, a sibling or another family member. You had a bad experience in your life that is keeping you from having a healthy relationship. Subconsciously you think that the person you are in the relationship with is going to hurt you and you may want to hurt them first. When you blame others for past experiences it means you don't have to take personal responsibility, blaming people you love and care about instead of the true source of your pain stunts your personal growth, it allows you to stay the victim. It will hold you back from every aspect of your life relationships, trusting people, work. You are likely to find you've created more distance in your relationships, distance can eventually leads to the end of your relationships.

 

If it's all about you, then it's not about your relationship. If you always put yourself and your desires first, the ultimate result will be the demise of the relationship maybe if you try thinking about how the person you are dating would feel then you can understand how destructive your negativity has become. Also jealousy, which comes from insecurity, usually can destroy a relationship if you have trust issues because of the past you will carry it into every relationship you have until you can get those issues resolved every relationship you have will have trust issues. You fear your partner will leave you, so you decide to do it first. Your partner can never do enough to please you because you are already thinking negatively about the relationship and possibly already thinking about ending the relationship.

 

You hold your partner in disdain, this is a recipe for disaster. If you don't value your partner's and their feelings you're on the road to heartache. If you want to be fair, consider what your partner needs. When your partner feels secure and loved, you will reap the benefits. If you are always looking for the worse you will only find the worse. Try not to hold onto what you think is the right way than to negotiate with your partner. If you recognize these habits in yourself, you can change them. Take responsibility for your own behavior.Work on eliminating these habits in your life and watch your relationship change for the better. If you have anything to add please click reply and if not and you are satisfied with my answer please click accept so I can get credit for my answer.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi,
I'm 37. Well, through psychotherapy I played around with various ideas, nothing concrete though. Eg, It may have been that my mother wasn't entirely emmotionally available to me as a child and as a result I fear being allowing myself to "be" in close relationships. Nothing specific came up though.
I've felt this emotion all my adult life, on and off since 18. Spending a couple of days away with one other person (friend or lover) would result in me withdrawing into myself. It's particularly pronounced in intimate relationships and has got in the way of both relationships in my life which i would consider as major.
I have really positive relationships with all my family, both parents and my elder sisters and brother.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I answered your question in depth and gave you several scenario's that may help you figure out why you do tend to sabotage your relationship you have and I also feel that it has something to do with your mother and how she wasn't available for you in the past, you may not know how to react to women because of that and are afraid of rejection because of this, It's some type of fear you have about rejection and being hurt by a woman. Have you read my answer to your question and if so do you have anything to add to that, that I can answer for you?

 

Below is my first answer in depth:

 

Customer

 

There maybe many reason you cannot stay in a relationship and you start to think negatively about the relationship, either you had a terrible experience with a relationship whether it be with another woman, your father, your mother, a sibling or another family member. You had a bad experience in your life that is keeping you from having a healthy relationship. Subconsciously you think that the person you are in the relationship with is going to hurt you and you may want to hurt them first. When you blame others for past experiences it means you don't have to take personal responsibility, blaming people you love and care about instead of the true source of your pain stunts your personal growth, it allows you to stay the victim. It will hold you back from every aspect of your life relationships, trusting people, work. You are likely to find you've created more distance in your relationships, distance can eventually leads to the end of your relationships.

 

If it's all about you, then it's not about your relationship. If you always put yourself and your desires first, the ultimate result will be the demise of the relationship maybe if you try thinking about how the person you are dating would feel then you can understand how destructive your negativity has become. Also jealousy, which comes from insecurity, usually can destroy a relationship if you have trust issues because of the past you will carry it into every relationship you have until you can get those issues resolved every relationship you have will have trust issues. You fear your partner will leave you, so you decide to do it first. Your partner can never do enough to please you because you are already thinking negatively about the relationship and possibly already thinking about ending the relationship.

 

You hold your partner in disdain, this is a recipe for disaster. If you don't value your partner's and their feelings you're on the road to heartache. If you want to be fair, consider what your partner needs. When your partner feels secure and loved, you will reap the benefits. If you are always looking for the worse you will only find the worse. Try not to hold onto what you think is the right way than to negotiate with your partner. If you recognize these habits in yourself, you can change them. Take responsibility for your own behavior.Work on eliminating these habits in your life and watch your relationship change for the better. If you have anything to add please click reply and if not and you are satisfied with my answer please click accept so I can get credit for my answer.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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