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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18579
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I want him to understand I miss him and dont want to break

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I want him to understand I miss him and dont want to break up agian

I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. We dated for 4 and a half years. He treated me really well, we were very happy. I broke up with him because of some problems from my past. He was the 2nd guy I have had sex with, the 1st I didnt want to but felt like that was the only way he would stay with me. With my ex it was different we didnt do anything till I wanted to. I started getting a stronger relationship with God, and I started feeling bad about having sex before marriage. I didnt want to feel bad about it anymore, so I broke up with him ( I didnt think anyone would understand how I feel, because everyone does it these days). I told him it was because I didnt think he was ever going to ask me to marry him but he told me he had been looking at rings, so I said he was spending to much time on fishing (which wasnt true). I know I made I big mistake, I broke his heart and mine. I dont know why but I couldnt tell anyone the really reason till now. I should have just talked to him about. I talked to his best friend the other day and he told me that he has been having a hard time moving on too. That he is dating someone right now but that he doesnt want to be with her at all. So, I sent him a letter, could you tell me what you would think if you were him and got this letter?

My ex's name,

I had to tell you the whole reason I broke up with you because I regret not doing it. This is really hard for me to tell you.

The big reason I broke up with you, something I didn’t tell you because I was scared of what you would say. I remember that one time you said that you couldn’t go 40 days with out it. As my relationship with God got stronger the more it bothered me. Sex was great but after I would always have the feeling I let God down. I hated that feeling. I wanted to with you but I hated feeling bad about it. That’s why I got up set that you hadn’t asked me to marry you yet, I didn’t want to feel bad about it anymore. I also always remember that Darren said you may have less respect for me because of it. I didn’t want to have to ask you to wait till marriage from now on because I didn’t think you would say yes and I didn’t want to feel bad anymore, so I thought the best thing to do would be to break up with you. I see now that I made a big mistake in not even trying and just giving up.

This time it was my fault. I am not asking for another chance, I know I don’t deserve it. I thought relationships should be easy, I don’t know why I thought that way, but I know now that relationships take work. I regret giving up on us so easily, I should have tried harder.

I wasn’t fair to you, expecting you to do things I like all the time, and me going fishing with you only a few times. I shouldn’t have expected you to enjoy shopping or girly movies, what guy would. Those are things I should do with the girls. It wasn’t fair that I didn’t know what I like to do and I expected you to. I know I have changed now, my family has noticed that little stuff doesn’t brother me as much anymore. I guess I am a little more laid back and willing to try things. I didn’t know what I had till I lost it. You’re an amazing man. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their live. I know I can’t change what I did to you.

I have heard your happy now, and I am glad. I just had to tell you the things I regret not telling you, so maybe some day I will be able to move on. Best of luck to you.

ME
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

May I ask your ages?

Have you already sent him this letter?

Do you hope to open communication with him again, and perhaps get back together, by sending this letter?

Did you say "I have heard you're happy now, and I'm glad", even though you heard he's not happy with the girl he's dating, to hope he may realize you wish him happiness but question whether he's really happy or not, and this may lead him to remember the good times you had and that he may be happier with you?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

 

Well, I am turning 22 and he is turning 23 this spring.

 

I have already sent this letter, but I sent it before I talked to his best friend and now I wish would have waited. I thought if he had moved on that, that was the best thing to say. But now I wish I would have just said I want another chance. I did tell his best friend that I did.

 

Yes I do hope to open communication with him agian, and get back together, because I know the problems we had can be worked out.

 

Thanks,

 

Lisa

 

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Lisa, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

It's possible that things can be turned around by you either writing him another letter or letting him know that you sent that letter in haste, before knowing all the circumstances, and you would like to try to recapture what you had in the past. Be honest; tell him that you miss him very much, you would like a clean start, and what's most important to you is that HE is happy, and you don't believe that he IS happy right now. You also value YOUR happiness and you were happy when you were with him.

Communication is the key to any successful relationship, and if you're honest, within reason, and can get a chance to start over with him, putting all your current feelings and thoughts from 'theory' into 'practice' in the relationship, it might work. Take things slowly, and first start communicating with him by letter, email, phone, etc., and then start dating again, if he's willing, but remember to move gradually. Admit that you made some mistakes in the past, but nobody's perfect, and you'd like the chance to make things 'right' again, and feel you belong together and you owe it to yourselves to try again, to achieve true happiness.

If his best friend will say some positive things about you to him, this would also be helpful.

Successful relationships are also based on compromise, so each of you has to 'give' a little, re: your mention of his fishing and you going to 'chick-flicks' (girlie movies), which you knew he didn't like very much. BUT, if he will go with you to those kinds of movies, you'll go with him to 'action-adventure' films, etc., if you even want to pursue this. It might be better to just go to girl-movies with your girlfriends, and avoid that situation, altogether.

I think there's always a chance to get back together, and you will never know, if you don't at least attempt it, so I think you have nothing to lose by trying to open lines of communication with him again, especially if he's with a girl he's not really happy with, right now.

I wish you much good luck, and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18579
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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