replied 8 years ago.
Hi, My husband is 26 and I am 25. We have been married for 2 years, but we have been a relationship for almost 5 years. She was nice to me until we moved in together, and that is when her hostility started. She started by getting mad at things I did, like spend money on his kids and him for holidays and birthdays, she would be rude and snippy all the time, and she has told rumors to his whole family about me!
Well, his relationship with his mother is disfunctional to say the least! He has always depended on her, expecially when his first marriage went bad and they divorced! He moved in with him Mom, and she became everyone's mom including his kids! He complains about her, but he won't confront her for fear she'll make him pay in one way or another. He won't say a word to her when she is rude or invasive with me!
The problems with him mother were always easy to blow off, because she wouldn't even visit us and only lived across town! She came by, maybe twice, and wouldn't step foot in the house. Recently, we moved into a new house and had major issues with the previous owners, and so we had to move out with absolutely no notice! We had no choice but to stay with her, and living there became hell to me! She would complain if I left anything on the counter or had dishes soaking, which is hard to avoid with a baby in the house! She blamed me for everything that was out of place, and when the electric bill came in it was my fault it tripled even though her and her husband just transitioned from working full-time to staying home full-time! She would give me nastly looks all day, make smart a** comments to me all the time about how I did things around the house, and told my husband I didn't help when I was up every morning at 5 or 6 doing all the things she said I should to "help her out"! Then she started telling my husband, based on what she saw I was a bad Mom and Wife! I was so depressed all the time, and ended up staying in the little room she loaned us any time they were awake and home! She didn't like me, but when I stayed away that caused issues too! Also, we had gone out of town twice while were staying there, and both times she invaded our privacy, went through all of our things, and moved everything out to who knows where. She didn't think it was a problem at all and just said I didn't take care of the room enough. My husband continued to beg me to stay despite the problems, and I did every time.
My husband, during all this, spent most of his time with his mom doing things she would ask him to. She would take up most of his time every day! When we finally got her to stop just walking in when she pleased, yeah thats right, she would come knocking at out door after we had gone to bed for stupid things. She would ask him questions about cars and crap she wanted to buy online. It was never anything that couldn't have waited until the next day!
I begged him to talk to her, ask her to stop, and then I begged him to get us out of there! He promised me all kinds of things and never came through! He said he would do everything she wanted, because we lived there and he was just trying to keep her happy while we were there. Well nothing was being done, worked out, and he just kept keeping her happy day after day. Mean while I would be miserable in the room or outside, by my self.
This past weekend we went to drop the kids off at their mom's, and stopped at his mom's to pick up any last things we left behind when we finally did move out. Well, she wouldn't let me look around to check for anything missed, she wouldn't let me get any of the kids clothes or other belongings, and she was nasty to me. It was his opportunity to show her it wasn't ok for her to treat me that way, and tell her she needed to realize she can't control everything, expecially the kids. Oh, by the way, she never respected any of our rules with the kids, and in fact, she would go behind his and my back all the time giving the kids stuff we said no to and doing things we were not ok with! Anyhow, he just went on acting like nothing happened, and while he and my son spent some time with her in the house, I waited outside by the car until we left.
He says he loves me, and always has reasons why he didn't say anything or next time. I know his mother is very hard to handle and letting things go is the easiest way to stay clear of her rath, but I can't let everything go anymore! I feel like he has totally overlooked me and my feelings, and I am his wife! I have been trying to get him to talk to me for a week now about it, but he is ignoring the situation and puts if off everytime I ask. I feel like he wants to say, "LOOK, you and your feelings will never be more important then hers are to me, so I am not saying anything to her..."! I mean I even told him I am not doing this again, and if he blows off talking to me then I will assume it is because he dosen't feel the same about me, as I do for him. I am tired of trying to talk to a brick wall! It also always pisses me off when I think about how he said we needed to communicate better when we were living with her. Well I was so despirate to get away from her and her abusive behavior, I called his ex-wife ( the only person I knew in the area), and asked her to stay there. He went to talk with him mom, and left me at his ex-wifes house for about 9 hours or ALL DAY! I can't even believe he'll give her hours of talking and sharing, but talking to me about our relationship is torture or something? I know his mother has issues that I will have to get used to if I am with him, but what do I do about him not being there for me ever? I don't know what to do. I feel lost, because he totally has been acting like I never confronted him about this situation with him Mom!
I hope you have some advice! I am sorry my reply is all over the map, so to speak, but there is so much that has happened during our relationship. I have gotten to a bad point where I don't trust him, I don't trust his mother, and I don't know where to go with this marriage? I love him, but I feel he needs to work this out or it's going to end. Ok, thanks for any help or advice you can give!