HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:
-What are your ages?
-How long have you been married?
-Has your mother in law always been this way?
-What was your husband's relationship with his mother like?
-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.
If your husband will not stick up for you then it's up to you do stick up for yourself, I think his mother does these things because she knows she can get away with it and you nor your husband will say anything. Once your husband married you he should have left his family and their controlling behind but instead it seems he depended on his mother even more then before because of the house situation and needing a place to stay where the two of you would have been better off staying with friend or other family, he has to learn that he can not always run home to his mother when things get rough especially if she doesn't respect you. His mother seems to feel threatened by you like you are going to take her son away from her, she doesn't realize that the two of you can co exist in her sons life and work together to make her son and your husband happy, he feels like he is in the middle and doesn't want to disrespect his mother. It may be up to you to put an end to this treatment and let her and your husband know that you are no longer going to put up with such treatment and if that means you telling your husband either he talks to his mother or you will talk to her yourself about her actions.
She is trying to be over controlling, she doesn't realize how important it is for you to be a united couple and I don't think she really cares, you have become the main woman in her son's life and she doesn't like that, the best way to deal with this is commicate with her in a positive way, picking a fight with her can create unnecessary stress between you and your husband. Ask her to lunch in a public place so that you know that she wouldn't start yelling in front of everyone, make sure you know it's a time that she isn't stressing about other things or she will take it out on you. Start the conversation by thanking her for meeting you and then say to her something like; "I know you meanwell and we appreciate what you have done for us but what you're doing makes me feel incompetent and that you don't trust me, we need to do things our way this is important to us as a married couple." then ask for her to compromise and try to get along for the sake of your son and your marriage. Tell her exactly how you feel about everything that has been happening and that you do not feel you deserve this treatment because you have done nothing wrong. The least you want in life is having your mother in law as your enemy, it will put a huge strain on your marriage and if worse comes to worse you may have to keep your distance from her all together and just live your lives apart from her.
Tell your husband that he should stick up for you when it comes to his mother especially when he knows she has lied about you and made you seem lazy and not a good mother, tell him how that hurt you that he just allow his mother to talk down about you and belittle you for no reason. If he is not willing to stick up for you then you have to be the one to put your foot down and demand respect especially if you feel you have already earned her respect.