I have been 33 years married. Yes, there are trust issues. I made him get the part time job because he ran up the credit cards into the low forties. I had discovered this at the end of 2005. At that time, I found out he was getting a tan and it seemed everyone knew except me (my niece knew and a worker behind a desk at a medical facilitiy). He also had a post office box that he had a couple of credit card bills go to. This is the second event where I discovered he had a post office box.
I sometimes sneak into his email because he had wrote it down. I know it is terrible - but I want to know what is going on. In the email he wrote a past coworker about this red headed young girl and told him how she was going to nursing school and how she has natural red hair and her name. So, he knew her name. He talked how nice her rack was, ect.
Yet, he tells me different that she is going to beauty school and it took 3 shades to get the red color that she had. And of course, he don't know her name. I know he told his co-worker that his wife (me) better not ever find out because there goes alnight Saturday nights. He works supposedly alnight (8-10) on Saturday night and gets off at 6AM Sunday morning.
What erked me was that I read his email not too long after my brother died and he tells his male friend that he was making time with her (getting her age, ect.) when I had to call to let him know that my brother died.
I guess I need to quit reading his emails. But, I feel I need to protect myself. I would leave this person - yet, I could not take care of myself financially. He was diagnosed in 2006 as ADHD.
He tells me he loves me all the time. Sometimes I want to leave him in the worse way when I think about it all - (we should be saving for retirement) because this last financial fiasco (which was more than what we owed on our mortgage - and of which we still are diggin out) was his third strike being careless with money, and I feel three strikes and you are out.
I love him -- but I desire no sex from him. But, I do have sexual desire. It is basically a sexless marriage (once or twice a year). We are more like brother and sister than husband and wife. Sometimes, I feel that I am also a mother. We have no children. So again, if I could take care of myself (had a job that paid well) -- I would leave him.
But then, my religious background keeps popping up in my mind. I am on disability and have limited income. I am not wheelchaired bound and physically able to engage in Monkey Sex if the occasion arised.
I am tired of 33 years being a doormat. I now manage the money in an accounting program and pay the bills. I have helped my husband increase his credit score of the last two years. Our credit must be OK because we get offers all the time now from credit card companys.
I had not idea that when I made him go out and get that second job that he would love it - he loves socializing and moving around. I have a neighbor that had to get a second job and he just hates it.
Also, from looking at his email, he has at least once joined a dating service - but as far as I know he never paid for a subscription. He has joined a website Ashley Madison.com (and if you pay) they will tell you of available women in the area. I don't think he has paid for anything -- I think he just likes to read about the women that are available -- or, at least that is what I think.
One last thing. I get embarassed easily and I do not approve of his behavior that he exhibits with one past coworker. He emailed this past coworker a picture of himself wearing only his underwear. I ask myself how could he when he knows that when you email something to where the coworker works -- everything gets saved on the server. So, I am embarrassed about that, not to mention that him doing that made me think if it is possible that he is bi-sexual.