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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18967
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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why does a man want to have a child from his girlfriend, if

Resolved Question:

why does a man want to have a child from his girlfriend, if there is no marriage mentioning, tell her that he loves her
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Are you the girlfriend or someone you know, is?

Is the man single, not married?

How long has she known him?

Has he NOT said he loves her?

How do you feel about this? Does it make you feel angry, upset?

Thanks,
Cher

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
the person is me, we were deployed to iraq and things happend to us, that's is how we got intimate, we thought we were going to die. We were best friends before things happend. when i got back from iraq two years ago, i found out he was married, i broke it up with him. we both end up with PTSD but i have more problems than that, bipolar disorder type II. I am medical retired from the military and i saw him again, we spent three hours talking and it helped me remeber events, which it hurts alot, he confesed to me that he fell in love with me over there and his relationship with his ex wife was over before i came in the picture. So he also told me that his whole family knows about me and when they called he was soo happy to see me, we end up having sex because for us it's all or nothing, while we were having sex, he told me that he tried to get me pregnant over there and still wants to have a child with me. I am a single mother and that scared me, but i do love him, ever since i came back, i have bounced in four relationship in two years and casual sex in between, because i wanted to forget the pain about everything, he told me the same before i even told him how i felt, he said relationships with women are not the same, he can only identify with me because he trust me alot, i want a child but not right now
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

the person is me

 

he is single

 

i known him for a year in iraq and on and off for two years

 

as soon as we start talking, he confessed that he loves me, i was his girl in iraq and wants to take things slow, but yet he wants to get me pregnant

 

it makes me feel worried because i would have a child, but first i want to be married first

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
<p>Hello again, and thank you for your reply with additional information.</p><p> </p><p>You are very wise to want to be married before having another child, and to want to take it slowly at this time, especially considering he's still married.</p><p> </p><p>While you both have many things in common, since you went through very tough times in Iraq and had each other to make you feel safe and loved, while you were there, now that you're home, your lives are in a different 'space', and even if he says he loves you and wants you to have his baby, you need to tell him that if he's planning to end his marriage, this will have to be his first step.</p><p> </p><p>At the point you're at now, being a single mother and having PSTD and bipolar disorder, I agree with your thinking that it is not the right time to have another child, even though you may want another one, at some point in the future.</p><p> </p><p>If you truly love each other and want to be together and bring a child into the world, you both have to feel the same way at the same time and first, he has to be single. Explain this to him and also, it's important for him to know that you don't want to be pregnant right now, and make sure he uses protection or you are on some kind of reliable birth control. If he said he wanted to get you pregnant in Iraq and now he is trying to do the same thing, your feelings and thoughts have to be considered, and if one person wants a baby now, and the other doesn't, you have to make sure you are always protected from getting pregnant, until you decide you're ready and he's available.</p><p> </p><p>There's no doubt that you've shared things that you will never share with another person, but sometimes that isn't enough to build a successful relationship or at least, not to rush into having a baby.   You need to do what feels right for you, now, and explain that to him , gently. You still care for him, but are not ready to have another child right now.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you both much good luck.</p><p> </p><p>Cher</p>
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18967
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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