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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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(we always know the answer but we have to hear it from someone

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(we always know the answer but we have to hear it from someone else! ) for me communication is very important in a relationsip, without that there is no relationship. my husband and i are growing apart because when i talk about something or a problem he will say Ohoo here we go again or ja ja ja sorry. I told him if you realy care about someone you would make time to listern and talk about it. he wants the situation to be over as soon as possible. he doesnt talk about small little things about us but always talks about the children and work. i told him i am thinking of leaving and then he will say ja ja but he loves me. he has a good heart and work hard but when it comes to me and him talking about our relationship he is like a close book. i need someone to talk to and he would say but you can talk to me, his like a cold and hard person and tells me its my imagination. for me it feels like his using me for sex and that nothing else is important. your comment please
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been together?


Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

i am 36 and husband 42. married for 14 years

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

The biggest downfall in a marriage is failing to talk with your spouse, it's not the message you are trying to relay, but the way it is being interpreted. You have to make sure that when you do communicate with our spouses, that you send clear signals without conflict to get your message through. To become effective with doing this you must gain a little understanding in regards XXXXX XXXXX you say things, if you are saying it in a way that sounds like you're nagging you aren't going to get much of a reaction but a negative one because no man wants their spouse to nag them about anything especially something they feel they are doing wrong. It puts your husband on the defensive and almost always will make them shut down. Effective communication may be more important than sex to you but to your husband it might be that sex will always win over anything else in your marriage.

 

To be successful in how to communicate with your spouse, you need to be truthful and honest with your feelings and say what you mean. You have tried to do this on your own and it has gotten you no where, it may be time to seek marriage counseling, the counselor can help you to better to communicate to your husband and can also help your husband to learn to listen to what you have to say and communicate back to you other than shutting down or laughing this may be your last resort and your last hope to salvage your marriage. Tell him you need to talk and that you just need him to listen. Let him know that you are not asking him for advice on how to fix the issue but that he is helping you by simply being interested and by listening to your feelings. If it has something to do with him, focus on your feelings and not on his faults. If you blame him, it will cause him to defend his actions even if he knows he is wrong. If you talk loudly and become agitated, he will too.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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