How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question

Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4056
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
9385906
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Kaushik is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

5 years ago when we first got a home coputer, i found my husband

Resolved Question:

5 years ago when we first got a home coputer, i found my husband on a porn site, that displayed women with male genatalia. he told me that some guys at work had found it and told him to look at it as a joke. i recently came home from work and found the computer left on, and found the same type of pictures. what type of person would be interested in this? is my husband gay? confused? and do i need to be concerned of a bigger issue?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 5 years ago.

Hi there,

 

Welcome to just answer !

 

Well your concern is quite justifiable, but you need to handle this issue very calmly and subtly , as if in the end it just comes out to be a joke shared between him and his colleagues , you not will loose face in front of your husband but his trust may also get jolted . So, before you confront your husband about the whole issue , you need to do some waiting , at the same time try to observe his actions towards other men.

 

By the way since how long have you been married & how has been your marital life so far?

 

Besides these two incidents , has there been other incidents where you felt that your husband is gay or that his sexual orientation is different from what is expected ?

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

weve been together 18 years. ive never noticed anything unusual about him and other men. i am a hairdresser and have been around gay men

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

we have been married for 13 years and have been together for 18. i have never noticed anything unusual about his interactions with other men, nor in any other aspect of a sexual nature. my concerne is, i could have believed the joke thing, but here we are 5 years later and i found it again.

 

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for the reply.

 

I cannot agree more with your concern , but as i said earlier, this incident can be a mere joke of sorts or shear curiosity or can be a sexual fixation that your husband may be harbouring for years and the fact that you noticed it after 5 years , makes it more against him being gay.

 

Also , by your own admission , he has never shown the typical traits and there has been nothing unusual about his interactions with men, all these years. And i am sure you would have noticed something more about his sexual orientation , had that been the case , since you have been married for quite a long time.

 

But having said that, i would suggest you to talk to him about the whole incident ,in a very calm and friendly way, without drawing any hasty conclusions or making direct allegations, as this may be detrimental for your relationships.Try to make the conversation casual, try to sound as if you are just being curious about him seeing that website, and choose a time to strike such conversation when he is in a good mood and you two are alone as it can be embarrassing for both of you if such conversation is leaked.

 

At this moment , i would not advise you to seek help of a counsellor as your husband deserves a fair trial in the form of a private, direct and understanding conversation. Depending on the outcome of your meeting , then you may decide on seeking professional help. But i hope that option never arises and your doubts are met with strict No to your question, which i believe what you desperately want to hear.

 

I wish you all the best .

 

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.

 

Regards....Dr. Kaushik

Dr. Kaushik, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4056
Experience: MD Psychiatry
Dr. Kaushik and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions

Chat Now With A Counselor
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
Counselor
4056 Satisfied Customers
MD Psychiatry