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Coolchics
Coolchics, Teacher
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  BA
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I need to ask an honest opinion about my relationship with

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I need to ask an honest opinion about my relationship with my husband. He has never hit me but sometimes he seems a little controlling. When we first started dating we got in a big fight walking home from a party. I went to walk away and he grabbed me by the neck to pull me back. I told him is hurt and then he grabbed me by the arm. He hasn't touched me like that since but last night he said something that bothered me. I was staying at my friends house, as she was recovering from surgery. I called him to check in and in a joking way he said "I'm going to smell you when you get home and if you smell like you've had sex I'm going to slit your throat". Normally he is pretty nice to me and has never been violent but this bothered me. Is this a warning sign or am I reading too much into this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coolchics replied 5 years ago.

To better assist you, please answer several questions for me:

 

How long have you been married?

How long have you known him?

Is this the first time you sleep over someone's house since you've been married?

How long has it been since the first incident?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been married 1 year and 2 months and I have known him for 5 years now. I have stayed away before and he has never really said anything other than "I better be good". The first incident happened about 2 years ago. I feel like he is getting more controlling in the way he talks to me. He always says the house is his as are the cars since he bought them, even though I pay for the bills and give him "rent" money towards the house payment. He always will put me down around friends in a "joking" way, for instance he calls me a "dumb pollock" or he will pat me on the head and say "it's ok, she dosent' know better" I have confronted him about this before and how it makes me feel and he just laughs it off like it's no big deal.
Expert:  Coolchics replied 5 years ago.

 

Threats need to be taken seriously!!!! The signs of a controlling spouse manifest in different ways and this can cause a strain in the relationship.

 

Signs could include jealousy, threats, critical on your appearance, persistent when it comes to sex, controls whom & when you can visit with friends...... If you see several of these signs in your partner, you need to step back and evaluate your relationship.

 

You say you have spoken to him before, try speaking to him. Tell him again how he makes you feel, when he says and does certain things. You may suggest marriage counseling, as well.

 

But, first and foremost is your safety! If you are afraid of your own husband, that is a major issue! Be sure to let your loved ones know how he makes you feel, the threats he makes, document his behavior and the things he tells you. I am sure you love him, but love is not suppose to hurt!

 

I am including several links that deal with this subject:

 

http://www.womensaccounts.com/dating_a_loser.html

 

http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/signs-of-a-controlling-spouse-warning-signs-that-your-spouse-has-a-controlling-personality-587586.html

 

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157

 

 

If you need further help or clarification, please let me know!

Coolchics, Teacher
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 432
Experience: BA
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