How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
1042561
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i would like help from a christian counselor

Customer Question

i would like help from a christian counselor in regards XXXXX XXXXX problem with a relationship how do i relist aprior question
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello Mikey,

You can post it here and I'll see if I can help

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
how do i post
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi, You can copy and paste here or just type what you want to know

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i am in a masters degree program for the past 2.5 years, and started dating a girl in the class a couple months back. i had heard she needed assitance as she had left her boyfriend over the summer, increased partying/drinking and was having trouble witrh schoolwork. we had a big project due decemebr 9 with a lot of stress, and i becamse angry at her for drinking all night. she reported being in an abusive relationship at one point and that this shouldnt happen at the beginning especially.last week she left me stating that she wasnt ready for a serious relationship. she reports that im a great guy and shes confused. she reported wanting a friendship but remained hesitant. this monring i asked her to breakfast and she went, although appeared miserable. as the time wore on, she became more talkative, made more eye contact and joked more. she stated that she didnt like what happened but probably would have stayed if she was 100% ready for a relationship. she states that she was mixed about hanging out today, but that it went well, and she wanted my friendship, including hanging out. i gave her flowers and a card, as she is having neck surgery monday, and gave her a hug. i clearly have feelings for her and we start class in 3 weeks again. she stated she wanted the friendship like any other friend, and to hang out when possible, and that she was unsure of the future and how shed feel. how shoul di approach this? should i not make contact again? wait for her to make contact? make contact in a certain period of time? she also states this confusion life not being right, do you think its over for good, form right now
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Mikey,

To be clear, you were dating, but she broke it off because you got angry about her drinking all night?

Tell me what happened that day when you became angry?

What are your ages?

Do you live close to one another?

How did the two of you start dating?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
started dating through our mutual schoolwork we are both in masters program. i am 30 she is 27. we live 20 minutes apart. we were dating. she broke it off two weks after that night. we argued becuase i called out of work to finish my project and didnt want to go out locally, when i picked her up, she was smashed and i did get angry about it. i have apologized repeatedly for becoming angry with her. she stated this monring if she was 1005 ready for a relationship she probably could have gotten past that incident. she left her boyfirned of 4 years in the summer.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
When you got angry what did you do, did you yell? What did you say to her? Do you think you overeacted?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i did overreact i yelled, and i told her it was uncharacteristic and i was sorry for it. and i have repeatedly told her i learn from my bad choices, even today i told her.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
If she's been in an abusive relationship then this must have raised quite a few red flags for her and she's probably thinking that if you felt comfortable enough to yell at her in the beginning stages of the relationship, then things might get worse later on down the line. What she needed to do is to step back and re-asses things and be sure that this might not happen again.

The fact that she was willing to go out to breakfast with you and eventually laughed and joked means that there must be something about you that she really likes. The best thing in my opinion is to back down a little and allow her to have a little more control over the direction things are going. Let her be the one to call you, and when she does call, try to be the first to get off the phone. If she does call, don't answer, let it go to the machine and call her back a little later (1/2 hr - hr later), the two of you can hang out, but don't bring up the relationship again unless she does. Within a few months of contact and possibly hanging out, she may change her mind about things if she sees that you are giving her some space and not being controlling about things. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
she has repeatedly stated that we are friends for right now, and she was unclear aboutt he future. i gave her flowers and a card today for her upcoming surgery and gave her a hug and told her as much as i wanted a relationship i respected her wishes and wanted her friendship. the thing i noticed is she was appeared very uninterested in hanging out today initially she wore sunglasses made little eyecontact but she eased up as time wore on. we spent about 2 hours together total, and she reported that she had mixed feeligns baout hanging out today, but that it went fine. ishe ended things last friday, but went with me to new york sunday as she had purchased me tix for a game. during the game, she made comments such as i should bring my gps next time we go somewhere, and we should come back next year. this past monday, she texted me stating she had fun and was sorry for stressing me out, that she was just confused, and that i was a great, and very caring guy. we also start school together this semester january 28 do you think the card and flowers that i gave her today for her monday upcoming surgery did anything to make her happy
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
It seems to me that she does want to be with you but that she's going to need time. She's putting you at arms length, possibly trying to see if you will explode again like you did before, or if you will do anything else that sets off her alarms. Women that have been in abusive relationships are far more scared of getting into a controlling or abusive relationship. You have to show her now that you are not that abusive guy, that you won't hurt her or make her feel bad, and that when a problem comes up, that you are capable of talking things out without yelling or getting overly angry. As I said earlier.....take your time. If she's worth having, then she's worth waiting for, right? Let her lead the way for now...keep in touch, but don't contact her more than she contacts you. I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
what makes you believe that she wants to be with me? can you give a detailed explanation on why she would give me another chance when she was ready, and why she would be so hesitant to come out today, but eventually did. shes been going to boston drinking a lot and who kniws what else for fun. she cut off our sexual relationship as well
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
There is nothing that I can point to that says 100% that she wants to be with you, but when someone talks about future events when they are with you (next time bring a gps, we should go to the game next year, etc) then it tells me they are looking towards a future that includes you. Whether she is thinking as 'just friends' or more than friends remains to be seen, but most women will not stay friends with someone they do not want to lead on or have some type of involvement with. Thats not to say to push her about it, just be yourself and allow your own personality to show through. If she likes you, then all it's going to take is time for her to see that you're not that abusive guy, and that she can trust you to be caring and not abusive or controlling.

You have to give the whole thing some thought yourself....decide if you want to be with someone that continues to drink like this and even ask yourself why she is drinking like this. Does she have a drinking problem, does she drink everyday, is it something she does as an escape or simply something she does for fun? The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that she is an adult and is entitled to do with her life as she pleases. It's up to you to accept or not accept her as she is and go from there. Its important, if you are looking for a long term relationship, to figure out if the two of you have the same plans and ideas about life and the future...if not, you have to question why you want to be with her. I hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well, we both drink socially but I know her drinking has increased since she left Matt over the summer, and so i assume it is as an escape and eventually she will rpobably retuen to how she has been, a social drinker. i know that 4-5 months isnt a long time to heal from leaving a 4 year relationship so i understand the confusion
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
You're very right. 4/5 months is not a long time to recuperate from being in such a long relationship. I would suggest 6 mos to a year to get back on her feet, but most people will not wait that long. Even if the drinking is an escape, it's something she has to watch out for. It could be the beginning of depression, or it could easily turn into a bad habit. I would suggest giving it time and see if she slows down some.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i plan on laying low for a bit, seeing if shell contact me with in the next couple weeks, like i said shes in my class so its not like she will disappear anyway. hopefully, with time apart, and time to think about my good characteristics and my willingness to work on the not so good characteristics, she will slowly start to both be ready for a relationship and have it be me. i dont think i want her as she has been recently.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i noticed something you said earlier about her maybe trying to see if i will blow up again. she has been texting with me and when it gets to a question like do you wXXXXX XXXXXg out, she wont answer til the next mornin. i asked her about it and she kinda smirked, almost like that is part of the mysteriousness of her right now. i havent gotten angry, ive just asked for a response so well see
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
do you see this smirking and adsmitting to being myseterious not answering right away as part of her seeing if ill gert angry etc or am i reading too much into it. today is her neck surgery (she says its minor, and will probably be back to work the next day), i gave her a card and flowers. do you think i should call to see how it went or leave it alone for now? do you agree with my earlier reply about her cutting off the conversation at certain points(text messages)? she actually stated that she thought i had a short temper, but didnt think thats how i really am (abusive)? if i dont contact her, how long would you estimate it would be before she contacted me? i know i have given you a littany of questions, and i appreciate your help and will compensate you well. In your estimation, do you truly believe this is a salvageable relationship? and what percentage would you place ont hat likelihood? what would you estimate are my chances of getting her back. i believe shell return to herself when the grind of school starts.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
today was her surgery. I sen her a text at 1245 stating " i was gonna call ya, but you are probably drowsy from surgery. just wanna know how things went". she replied by text "just got out. it went fine. thanks". i then sent a mesage "ur welcome! just wanted to make sure you were ok, ttyl. she sent "lata".. not a very good conversation huh?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Michael,

I wasn't in yesterday, I apologize for taking so long to respond.

You're conversation with her today wasn't the longest, but it was definitely a response which is good.

do you see this smirking and admitting to being mysterious not answering right away as part of her seeing if ill get angry etc or am i reading too much into it.

It's definitely possible that she wants to see if you are going to get angry. My question to you is do you think you have a problem with getting angry? Most people would not yell or get that angry with someone they haven't known that long. It sounds like you might be getting angry at her not responding to your texts? Maybe she's picking up on that?

Do you think you have a short temper? Have you had problems with your temper in the past?

if i don't contact her, how long would you estimate it would be before she contacted me?

There's no way for me to tell or be able to know how long it would take her to call you, but you have to take that chance and back away from her, giving her the space that she's asked for and showing her that you care enough to allow her to get her head together.

In your estimation, do you truly believe this is a salvageable relationship?
and what percentage would you place ont hat likelihood?
what would you estimate are my chances of getting her back.

There's no way to tell. You have only been involved with her for a few months and when you got angry with her, it scared her, so now its going to take time for her to build up that trust again and not feel that you might blow up on her over something.

do you see this smirking and adsmitting to being myseterious not answering right away as part of her seeing if ill gert angry etc or am i reading too much into it.

In a way, it's possible that she is doing it to see if you will get upset or angry. It's not a good thing for her to do, but she might feel like she has no other way to know for sure. Is it making you angry? I would just dismiss it and not mention it anymore. Additionally, she told you she wanted a break, so you shouldn't ask her to hang out, she may interpret that as you trying to keep the relationship together and not abiding by her wishes.


Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i seem to get angry at times when i feel disappointed, which actually isnt very often, but i realize what happened should not have and working towards understanding why it did so it wont ever again. why do yuo think the conversation today was good, she just said lata? i feel angry a litle that she hasnt responded at times, but i havent shown it to her, besides telling her i noticed it, and that she was mysterious. thats when she sort of smirked at me. on saturday, i told her it was out of character and a bad mistake, and that i wanted a second chance, but i also said i respected what she wanted and would be there as a friend. she said she thinks i have a short temper, but she doesnt belive me to be of bad character or abusive, and she believes me to be very caring. she may sense im not happy, but i havent shown it to her. i admitted to her that it was a bad thing that happended and i understand why she would feel that way, but also i learn from my mistakes
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Life is filled with disappointment, so it's important that you try to understand why you get angry and what the best ways of handling it are. If you think that your anger is more than what the particular situation warrants, then it might even be good to look into counseling or therapy to help you develop coping skills to deal with your anger in more productive ways. Of course it will happen again, there are always going to be instances in life that will make you angry. Its not getting angry thats bad, but dealing with and expressing that anger that can be difficult and cause more problems.

I felt that the fact that she responded to you today, and that she's still talking to you is a good sign, and could possibly lead to more, but you have to take the steps that shes asking for and give her the space she's asking for.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

i have reached out for help and have improved myself and learned from ther past. i know that the incodent that took place is a rare occurrence but i also know that i have to have it never take place again, by understanding when im angry, why im angry, and make sure to react properly to it. she has continued to respond to any attempts ive made to have contact, but she last initiated contact last monday, and usually doesnt ask me anything, just sort of responds or answers to what im saying to her, such as did things go well, and shell say ya, they went well. im giving my best effort at improving myself and respecting her wishes. i hope that i havent ruined all chances for a potential future together. she did report that what happended was aboutt eh worst thing due to her past, but she said if she was fully ready for a relationshiop she could probably get past it to see if it was a common occurrence. i have tried hard , purchased her breakfast, flowers and a card, checked on ehr today with the surgery, offered to bring her etc.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Michael,

In my opinion you have to back up. If you want her to see that you take her feelings into consideration, you have to step back and let her feel like you are letting go a little. When you do speak to her, don't ask about the relationship, getting back together or going out. If she doesn't initiate it, then don't talk about it. Do this for at least a month or two, so that she can get her bearings. In the meantime, be a good friend and just be there when she calls or wants to hang out or talk. There must have been something she saw in you to make her go out with you in the first place, so that can still be there if she has time to sit back and realize it without feeling like she's ducking or avoiding the subject.

Chase.
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i think ive started to do that with the exception of asking her to breakfast. i have inititaed contact but odf the happy new year, and how was surgery variety
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
she said if i found someone else i should go for it, is that a sign of her being done with me although only within a discussion of waiting. when texting friday about coming out saturday i ran down soem of the good qualities i could bring to a relationship. and she said i told you what i want right now. i dont know the future
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Im a big miami dolphins fan, and i just got done jogging around the park. when i returned to the car, colleen had left a text stating "sorry about ur dolphins" and i responded by saying "thats old news and i didnt play lol". she then responded "betta late than never". i then asked her about how she was feeling from the surgery and she said "very tired", and "i stayed out of work". I told her i wished her a speedy recovery and she responded "thanks". I then said ur welcome you can count on me cuz i care about you. what do you think of he rinitiating this and this conversation in general?

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
By running down good qualities that you can bring to a relationship, you are showing her that you are not listening to her, and not respecting her wishes to be just friends right now. Your seem to be unwilling to give her the space she's asking for and it's understandable because you fear losing her. the problem is, by keeping pushing you will still wind up losing her because you're showing her that how she feels is not important. When you responded to the dolphin text message, she probably thought everything was fine, right up to the point where you said "you can count on me cuz I care about you". Did she text you back after that?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
running down the good qualities was acytually days ago, while i was chasing her more. she did not respond to this final message, i didnt mean anything more than what it said actually when i said i cared. but hopefully its a good sigh that she initiated the conversation but i dont know.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
ok. Yes it is a good thing that she initiated the response, it means she was thinking about you, which is always good! However, when you are texting her or talking to her, do not say anything lovey dovey, nothing about relationships, or caring or anything like that. She already knows that you care about her, you've told her more than once, so right now it's best not to say it until she decides that she does want to be with you again.
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i agree unfortunately i wasnt thinking of it that way when i said it. i guess i just meant i cared but i see what you mean abiut her knowing. she probably fell asleep as she said she was very tired, but i hope i didnt make things worse with that statement. i took it as somewhat surprising to hear from ehr today actually, especially that she knows im down about this at least a little. i think im doing things right 90% of the time, but then i slip the other 10%.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i think i kinda always do something to mess things up a little at the end of the conversation or the time together
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
If you know that the end of your time together, whether on the phone or in person is always when you 'mess up' or is the hardest time for you (probably because you feel at that time that you are'losing' her) then take the initiative and YOU be the one to leave. If you are on the phone, you be the first one to get off the phone. Say:

"I have to go, I've got some errands to run" or "I have to study, I'll talk to you later"

then it leaves her feeling like you are leaving her instead of the other way around. I told you before, if she calls, wait at least an hour before calling back, if she text you, wait an half hour or hr before texting back. If she calls and you see her number, let it go to the machine. If you go out together, always be the first to walk away like you have something else to do. Once in a while when she asks you out, say no, tell her you have something else to do, even if you don't.

If she thinks you are living for her, then she will have no reason to want to get back with you in a hurry. She can put you on the shelf because she knows you're not going anywhere. On the other hand, if she has any feelings for you, then she will notice when you are not catering to her and she will start to wonder whats going on in your life that she is not the main focus...and will eventually try to get that focus back....this is if she really cares about you.

Try it...see what happens.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i guess i was caught up in excitement to hear from ehr so i took it slightly too far. i guess i found it odd to hear from her because if she knows im hurting a little, i didnt think she would contact me so quickly
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Just texted her asking how she was feeling today from the surgery. she responded "fine. i went back to work today". I then sent awesome! just making sure you were ok! gotta go meeting my friend at the ymca ttyl. its hard to do i feel like talking more, or that it comes across as phony somehow possibly. i know id like to have her but its tough not to think im fighting a useless battle at times. i am trying the things you have told me to do. do you see her responses as someone who has interest. they are very short responses.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Michael,

Look at it this way, if she has feelings for you, then she's going to be thinking about you, except if you push her away. If she has feelings for you, then it was hard for her to say she needed some space, but obviously it was something she felt she had to do. So the best thing you can do, is to give her the space, show her that you are not going to disrespect your wishes, and that you are able to overcome your emotions and act in a mature manner, as opposed to the abusive relationship she was in. If she has feelings for you, then acting a little standoffish and hard to get is going to make her more curious at some point as she is used to the attention from you.

If she doesn't have feelings for you, or doesn't like you 'like that', then its not going to make a difference regardless of what you do. So its best to go with what will make you look better in her eyes, and what will make it easier for you to walk away with your dignity intact. I know its hard to not to talk more, but it's all about modifying your behavior to fit the situation. It may feel phony because you feel like your not saying how you really feel, but what happens when you say how you feel? She rejects it because she said she needs space, so you've got to roll with it for now, and try to overcome the uncomfortable feeling until you see some sort of change in her. It's possible you may need to do this for the next few months, so try to overcome feeling bad about it. I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

eevn though i feel turmoil inside, i dont think ive pushed her away at this point. im hoping that asking her about her surgery and making sure she is ok is not pushing her further away. i know she must have had feelings for me if we started dating, i just wish i had a better clue as to whether they still exist or not somewhere. im not very good at analyzing the situation. i felt good that she texted me yesterday, and bad about my final response. im getting a response when i text her each time, but they are again short responses. i dont feel like im really pushing her at this point, but i have no idea how she takes it

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
You said Im getting a response when I text her each time, are you texting her each day?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i texted her on monday and today, and she texted me yesterday. ive only texted to see if the surgery went well, and then how the recovery ha sbeen going
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
one time each day?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes we usually get into a very brief conversation. shell say shes tired. ill say im glad you feel better etc. 2-3 back and forth and done
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Ok, you may want to try not texting her again. Let her text you first. It could take a couple days....it might not, but it could.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i had planned to stop entirely at least for a couple weeks, but then i received that message from her eystersay, and we texted back and forth for a few minutes. i kinda felt confused about so quickly receiving a message from her
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I can see where that may have been confusing. I would stick with the plan of not texting her, at least not texting her unless she texts you first and then don't respond immediately. Wait at least a half hour after she first texts you, and be the first to say you have to go. Let me know how it goes.

chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thats what i did yesterday i didnt immediately respond, but she didnt respond after i said i cared about her. today, i said i had to go i was going to gym talk to you later, and she didnt respond there either. im very confused about all of it at this point. i thought im was perceptive, but in this case i dont have a good grasp on whats goin on
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I can understand why she didn't respond after you said you cared. I wouldn't worry too much about her not responding, and I know it's confusing. Just take a deep breath, and keep yourself very busy. Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to have a moment to sit and think about it. Take another class, teach a class, try a new hobby, take a trip...anything to keep you interested in other things and not thinking about the situation. It's hard, but I think you're strong enough to do it.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
im doing a lot of things although somewhat half heartedly. i can understand why she didnt respond to that message. i am however surprised that she initiated that conversation and that she didnt respond today when i said i gotta go ttyl. im worried that she doesnt respond because i dont wanna lose her. im fighting hard to give her what she wants right now.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I know you don't to lose her, but if you chase her after she asked you to stop, then you will definitly lose her, so your only option is to back down until she shows that she might be ready for more. If you lose her, the botXXXXX XXXXXne is she was never yours to begin with.
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ya i stopped chasing her and that message i received from her kinda through me off a little bit again. do you think ive been pushing her i dont think ive acted perfectly but i dont think ive been overbearing either.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
the 2 weeks after the anger incidetn, we continued dating and she was very distant, but then stated that we shuld see each other more that we dont see each other enough. she then left stating not ready, but also what i did. a lot of mixed messages going on
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Since I respect your opinion, and I know its only an opinion, do you sense that it was what i did that led to this or her not being ready for a relationship or combination? do you think she is still thinking about everything or just letting me down easily and slowly? i just dont get the standoffishness she has shown towards me that is the exact word she described herself as being
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I think it's a combination of those two things that caused her to act like that, but as you said it's not just my opinion, but it's also my opinion based on your version of events. I have a saying, "there are two sides to every story, and then there's the truth", two people in the same situation will percieve it differently than someone on the outside looking in.

I know the one time she texted you, it threw you off, but you have to get past it because it's only going to matter if she continues to do it. She already knows that you want to be with her and that you want the two of you to be together.....so YOU need to be the one to be standoffish for a little while and give her time to think and wonder what's going on with you.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
very true, but i gave an accurate version of events i admitted to yelling at er and overreacting to the situation and not handling it very well. i think an angry abusive person would be pushing her away at this point and im not doin that. she didnt immediately leave me after that incident took place which i also find a little strange. do you think that shes thinking about this whole situation or letting me down slowly. based on your opinion, do you see things turning around
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
its toguh sitting around wating not knowing whats going on. she probably moved on without me
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
How long has it been since you spoke to her?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
text or spoke? we rarely talk on the phone dont ask me why. wednesday was the last text. I am impatient when my hearts involved.i am proud to say i have taken your advice about contact, and been respectful of her wishes but here and there i just think i havent heard from her so i get down like its not working or i wont hear from her. i get negative at times with things like this
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I can imagine. Try to at least wait until wednesday before contacting her. On wed, send a text or call and say that you were just checking in with her and wanted to say hi. See how she acts, and you can even ask her what she's doing this weekend and see if she suggests going out. I think it's great that you've held off, and I know it's hard, but it is for the best.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

this amount of time elapsing without her initititating contact is a meaningful length of time and should tell me something or is it way too short a period?how do you interpret this/ i thought she may initiate within a week if i didnt do anything i mean it seemed clear she was interested in a friendship and didnt just say that especially according to her actions. its really frustrating becuase we have been friendly for a long time, and she has to understand how much i care about her and her best interests.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Michael

There's no way to know how she really feels inside, people can tell you how they feel but it's not always the truth. Most of the time you have to judge how they feel by the way they act. The fact is, there's nothing you can do to make her want to be with you, you only know that she's asked you to give her space, so you have to respect that. I advise letting her be for a while, sort of giving her time to miss you. If she really cares about you 'like that' then her feelings will eventually come out. If she's not interested in being with you, you'll also know at some point. Like I said, send her a note tomorrow and see what she says.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i thought she did like me that way if she started a relationship with me, she just got cold and distant after that inicdent but didnt leave right away either. she continued with confusing messages 9breakfast, game, text, possible future plans) when is asked her why she was so cold and distant and uninterested, she stated she wasnt uninterested just confused. im starting to feel frustrated with her at this point. she never said she appreciated me taking a day off to take her for surgery (then not having me take her), just very unfriendly, its hard to beleive that one incident could skew everything ive done. i feel strongly about what i could bring to her life, but i dont feel very confident that things are gonna turn around at this point. i kinda feel used and confused. i also dont feel like initiating the next communication at this point really, it doesnt seem like she is missing me all that much.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i did a really horrible thing last night. i texted her as you saud. i stated " just wanted to say hi and see if you wanted to play tennis sometime". she said she would like to play and we agreed to play tomorrow. when i couldnt get available time, i asked her to pikc another day and she was noncommital. i asked her why she was so distant and she said "im distant to everyone". i told her i was confused that i thought i treated her well, and she said "i just wanna be alone". at that point , i started to feel real depressed, and continued texting her asking her to talk telling her i was depressed and suicidal. this monring she states she cant play that "you crossed way too mnay lines, depression or not. if you're that depressed, you should check yourself in somewhere". i stated that it was me who felt that way and one day i would feel better and i wanted her friendship. she said " im done. please leave me alone". we have class together and i want to get myself better so she can see that and that we can be friends. i know shes scraed and this upset her, but i was honest about how down i was. i know i got cuaght up in that moment and made a bad decision, although i "told the truth". i understadn her desire to not have a friend with current "baggage" but i also wished she would understand and try to help me as a friend. ive hit rock bottom, and am going to get help for depression. i need to change myself before i can get in a relationship. is there anything that can salvage this friendship. i know i need to change myself. i have sent her a few messages today, just asking her for forgiveness for adding stress to her life, and that i am gonna get myself help, and that id still like to be friends in the future (when school begins). i know i gave in to my feelings at that moment, and i cant stop replaying it in my mind and why i did that which was stupid. if i kept quiet, we would be playing tennis this afternoon. i just wantt her to be my friend like any other firend and help me during this difficult time. i have actually felt better since this happened because i was unready for a friendship right now with her and this has given me the strength to try to change myself
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Michael,

I apologize, I had not recieved this last response. I will be in the office in about an hour and a half, and I will type out a reply for you. If you have any updates, can you please post them? thanks

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
since last thursday morning no contact, we start school this coming wednesday. i have not felt well emotionally. im confused as to what happened was i a rebound? i have been getting the typical responses from family and friends, such as she has many problems-depression-eating disorder, shes drinking too much, maybe sleeping around, and she hasnt communicated well with you (texting me that she was leaving me, not willing to talk). i still think she is a good person, but that shes not herslef in some of these aspects. is there anything i could show her at class that is till care and im getting myself back together or is it gone now. i would think if she was a caring person she would be able to be my friend and understand the difficulty this situation created.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i have been in and out of therapy for a few years. i understand where my thinking goes wrong, but its very difficult to implement the changes. I took medication for a short time about four years ago. I think a lot of people have baggage, and I think shes currently confused about who she is and where shes headed. She has been a friend to me throughout the school program, and I think we should have remained friends through the class project. we kinda rushed right into a relationship with each other that she was unprepared to give her heart to. I find the good in everyone, and I feel she can be a valuable friend in the future. I am praying to be ehaled from depression, praying for her to be healed from her confusion, and for us to be able to be friends first, as we should have originally been. would it be horrible to send her a message wednesday morning (the day school starts) stating that I would like to be friends during the semester. i get differetn suggestions

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
853 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues