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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have been corresponding with an solider in Afghanistan

Customer Question

I have been corresponding with an solider in Afghanistan for a while now and all of a sudden have not heard from him. I have checked out that he was who he says that he is as much as possible. Everything that I found out was pretty much true. I also confronted him on my doubts and he could of then stop corresponding with me then, but he did not as a matter of fact he had a copy of his Gratuity and Retirement funds notification sent to me. It was sent as a jpeg though, he said they sent it that way because they did not know what type of form I was able to open. I will admit that I met him on a dating site and I have talked to them about him, he had passed his background check. So in all he checks out. We have become very close over the time we have been corresponding. He has asked me go to places with him when he returns. So, I am very worried and do not know how to find out if he is alright or have I been scammed emotionally. I am a grown 50 year old adult and not naive. What can I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
How long have you been corrosponding with him?

What dating site did you meet him on? The dating site told you they did a background check on him?

What did you do to check him out? and what did you find out?

Did you ever talk on the phone or exchange letters?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
As I look back into the emails it seems to be only a little over a month, seems longer than that we never missed a day until jus recently, Sunday after Christmas was the first and then we talked on Monday and I have not heard since then.

I meet him on True.com and yes they do a background on everyone but I am sure it is to make sure that they have no criminal record.

The check I did on my own, was to somehow verify that he was who he said he was. I found the house that is owned by a person with the same name and the age and date would have been about right for what he told me. I found a person by the same name and statis in the military records, and just recently I found a list of when this person made the rank that he is now.

When I first started talking to him I had just stopped talking to a guy on the same site because he just did not seem right. you know red flags. Most guys do not like to email for long and it possible move to phone calls if they are really wanting to meet. This guy SM for short never want to talk on the phone and the one time he did it did not sound right, he never answered questions so I stopped contacting him. About 2 days later I heard from LC (for short) the thing that bothered me was both were widowed and had no was to talk on the phone, this is the first time I called and talked to true.com. We talked about how the scammers worked and she checked the two, SM was off the site, she figured he was probably a scammer and that they had removed him. But LC was still there and he is today.
I confronted LC on this all told him all of it and he asked me what I wanted him to do, that is when he said he would have the military send be a copy of his retirement notification, and that would say where he is and when he will be retiring.
Now as I say the last time I did corespond with him, he had trouble with his instant messaging and was disconnedted, which has happened before, I waited and he did not come back but I did get an email explaining this and he did not know why, and that it would hopefully be fixed soon and we would talk the next day. Well we haven't, and be upset and worried I have tried to find out what ever I could. He is in a bad spot in Afghanistan, but could never give me too much details because of security reasons, he had told me that he had given me more than he should have.
So Monday was the last time I received anything from him, so in checking out all I could I went to the true.com site and went to the section of who has viewed me and there he was with in the last 2 days it said, which would have put it on Tuesday maybe.
Now there could be many reasons, maybe he is not allow to actually communicate but can look on a site that does not tie him to anyone personally, so he was just reading my profile again and looking at my picture.
I did email him through the site but now answer. I have been leaving my instant messagner on constantly since there is a 12 hour difference. In corresponding he does know about me, but I also have nothing I can give him and from what I know he needs nothing he is well off. The only thing is if he is just playing with me emotions.
Does any of this help, you probably think I am pretty bumb to get romatically involved over the internet and maybe I am, but I have tried to be careful. No we never did letters yet or phone calls he was going to see about calling me sometime but never got my phone number. He said he was going to send me something but was not sure how to send it out because they were not even receiving anything in so I never asked how to mail him something.
I hope this helps
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Paktika, Afghanistan, this is where he is and I perfer to not say to much more at this time I do not want any trouble to go his way.

I am worried and I just want the truth as to if this is real or not. I could go by his address and see if anyone is leaving there it is supposed to be taken care of by a care taker
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Did my information help
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What do you suggest, are you still working on this?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

No I don't think you are dumb for wanting to find love...I look at this from two sides. One is that everything you have found out is public record and if he is bogus, he could have found out the same info. Scams like this are called "sweetheart scams" and can go on for years sometimes. The scammer will supply birth certificates and all sorts of paperwork that will give credit to their position. I would have to ask someone, but I highly doubt that the military would send you anything of such a private nature as his retirement notification. Had you said he sent it to you himself, that would have been different, but you're saying he told you they sent it to you, that would seem highly irregular to me. The best scammers will use the name of someone who they already know is in the military, owns property, or can help promote whatever story they are giving you.

With that being said, maybe it's not a scam. It is possible that he is in a position where he cannot communicate right now. I would give him a few more days and see if he reaches out to you. If you are thinking about going by the property, you should. You should do anything in your power to make sure you are not wasting your time or being scammed. If you find out your not being scammed, no harm.....but if you find out you are being scammed, the harm you will avoid could be your money, your property or even your life. You can never be too careful.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX Saturday and this morning he finally contacted me on messenger. He said the internet was out pretty much and that he had lost 2 men. Of course anyone could have read that in the news because I did.
I want to thing this is real but every day I wonder. He does know I have no money and he seems to be in a position not to need money.
It could be a sweetheart scam as you say. I guess the only way I am going to find out is he is suppose to be retiring on March 30th, 2009. So until I see the whites of his eyes I won't know for sure. I just hate this not knowing and if I had a way to find out for sure I would. If you have any suggestions or know something I can do let me know.
Thank you for your time.
Oh I would gladly pay for the information too.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I'm glad he did get back to you. Let me talk to someone I know in the service and I will get back to you directly. To be clear, how did you get the retirement form? Was it in email? What email did it come from? Did he tell you it was the military that emailed it to you or did I misunderstand you?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes I did say that the military did email it to me: XXXXX@XXXXXX.XXX - this is the email address, I have not sent anything to it because anyone can create an account that would say that and I really did not want him to know I am checking into it, I would rather do it annonymous, if you understand. This is the email that the document was attached to:
THIS ENTITLEMENT IS SENT TO YOU AS REQUESTED BY COL.LEXXXXX XXXXX

THANKS
BRIG. GENERAL CARO

The form was signed by Brandon Tidor, Financial Agent. The letter head said it was from Ft. Lewis, Washington

Thank you for getting back to me, with the past 3 days so much has gone on in my mind I don't know what to think.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ms Chase did you get my reply yesterday.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Yes, I did get your last response, I am checking into some things.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ms Chase please this was to be private remove from the internet it is not for the public
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

I wanted to drop you a note because another woman posted a question directed to me and she said that she is speaking with a solider in Afghanistan. She feels that based on what you said (I believe she may have seen the question before we locked it) that she is seeing the same guy. She has said that the same as you, she was corresponding with him, and all of a sudden, didn't hear from him. After the new year, she heard from him again. and he said that there was an attack on his base and he lost 2 of his soldiers and his network was down. She says she got really attached to him and the only difference is that he hasn't given her proof of his retirement yet, but he's promised that he will. She met him on faithmate.com.

She wanted me to tell you this, and that she was really hurt by the whole thing knowing that it's a fraud. I'm not sure what she expects back, but I told her I would tell you. Once you reply, we can lock this back.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have also found some more information on this and it is a big scam. I am trying to contact the inspector General and report this. I have found one other woman that is involved and I am talking with her if this other lady would like to report him or compare information I am very willing to talk with her too. This needs to stop. You can now unlock my questions now that I know more information it is okay for others to see this, it may help others.
I was asked to fund his return and he would pay me as soon as he got home, and the retirement doc. or the award doc. that I recieved would show that he has money which would make a woman think she would get paid back.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX so glad I have my doubts or I would have never looked around. Oh and tell the other woman that she is not alone and like you said it is not wrong to want a wonderful man to love us, I will keep looking for that man but I will also keep my distance (as in heart) until I know he is true.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

I will find out if it's ok for me to forward your email to the other woman I spoke to. As I am telling her the same thing, I think it's a good idea to take whatever information you have to the dating sites (they may be able to block the IP address from the site), report it to the authorities, send out emails to everyone you know, talk to your local paper or news, whatever you feel comfortable doing to prevent him from conning more women. It might even be good to drop a letter to the man he is presenting himself to be to let him know this is happening. A think it's brave of you to leave the question open, and that it will help others.

You can meet someone online, but you have to be wary. I met my husband online and we've been together going on 8 years. It can happen, just decide what you want in your life and do not deviate from that path. Be careful, ask for proof, and never ever give anyone money for anything.

I'm always here if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you very much. It always is nice to have someone supporting you. Yes I would like to talk with the other lady and I do not about how heart braking and disappointed it was for her. I still feel that disappointment too. Especially when I met a jerk that just has no idea how to treat a women.
Thanks again Ms. Chase.

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