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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
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my daughter is getting married and her problem is her future

Resolved Question:

my daughter is getting married and her problem is her future mother inlaw. She is controlling of her son and treats my daughter the same and she acts like my daughter should follow and do what she wants and my daughter's opinion doesn't count so what advice do you have since she will live in the same town and this is affecting her relationship and my daughter is getting mad at the son who does love his mom and does ask her opinion
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

This IS a problem, but not an uncommon one. Your daughter needs to assert herself now, and let her future mother-in-law know her feelings, before things escalate and cause additional problems between her fiance and herself.

She needs to tell her in a nice, respectful way, that she and her future husband have ideas of their own, and while they will always welcome her advice and experience, and seek it out, if need be, they need to make their own decisions in the life they will share together. The bride to be and husband to be do have opinions and it would be nice if she asked what they thought, since this is to be their wedding and their life.

Your daughter's fiance needs to assert himself more with his mother, as well, again, in a respectful, quiet manner, and say, mom, you know I love you very much and you always have some great ideas, but I'm an individual, with ideas of my own, so while I love getting input from you, the final decision on (whatever) has to be mine (and/or 'mine and my future wife's').

Controlling people usually don't know or think they're controlling, the majority of the time, and they will be the first person to tell you that they 'hate butting in'! Without causing hurt feelings, especially before the wedding, if both your daughter and her fiance say this to his mother, things should start improving. If she gets 'extremely' offended, tell them to 'give in' on something she chooses, only if they like it too, like a concession to the fact that they don't 'never' want her opinion, she just has to let them make decisions on their own, now that they will be married soon and if they make mistakes, this is how one gains 'life experience'; you learn from your mistakes.

If your daughter is firm, but always 'nice' and says it with a smile, and is respectful, things should improve.

Congratulations on your daughter's upcoming wedding!

Cher

Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18310
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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