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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21261
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My boyfriend and I have been together for three years; we have

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My boyfriend and I have been together for three years; we have a great relationship, however, when it comes to celebrating Christmas, we can not agree whose family to spend the holiday we always end up spending the holidays seperately with our respectively. I have expressed to him how important it is to spend Christmas with him, but it always falls on deaf ears. This year he insisted that I spend Christmas with my Grandma, since her health is failing, and that he go with his family. I keep trying to get him to come with me since his family can not give him a firm answer about their plans, but he insists that he must keep his Christmas so that he can be with his new nephew....This is starting to becomea big issue for us, and I don't want our relationship to end because we fight about chistmas...what should I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

I'd like to help you, but first, can you supply a little more detailed information for me? Thanks!

What are your ages? Do you live together?

Do both your families live in the same city?

When you say his family usually doesn't have firm plans, do they normally go out to a restaurant or have Christmas dinner at someone's house, and that's not established too far in advance?

Does his new nephew live near you?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Iam 35 and my boyfriend is 39...we have lived together for 3 years. our families are spread out -- from Colorado to Canada, to Mississippi to Costa Rica. My boyfriend's brother doesn't know when they will make it FL since his new nephew recently had surgery.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

I can understand your frustration and feelings re: not spending Christmas with your boyfriend, every year. Under the current circumstances, with the families spread out all over the U.S. and in Costa Rica, I think you'll have to 'allow' him to spend Christmas with his family, and you with yours, one more time, this year. If his new nephew is an infant, and especially if he recently had surgery, I can understand why he feels it's important to see him, and his family, at this time, if his brother's family can't fly, due to the baby's recent surgery. I also agree that if your grandmother is not in great health, you should be with her at Christmas.

If you and your respective families all lived in the same approximate area, I'd recommend that you spend one half of the day with one family, and the other half with the other family, but if they're all in different States, of course this is not possible. It might be a good idea to alternate each year, if your families can't come to YOU, in FL (why no one would want to travel to enjoy this gorgeous weather, is beyond me! : ) ), but for this year, it will have to remain the same, with you each being with your individual families.

I'm assuming that you won't be staying away as long as a week, so you should be able to spend New Year's Eve together! That's something to look forward to!

I think, since you mentioned anything you have said in the past, falls on deaf ears, you should sit down quietly with your boyfriend and tell him how much it means to you that you two are together for Christmas, and you'd like to know that he feels the same way. This year, due to the circumstances, you'll have to be apart, but in future years, you should work out an equitable 'schedule'. If you really love him and have enjoyed a great relationship for three years, this circumstance shouldn't be your undoing.

Family obligations and expectations are difficult to deal with, when you're a couple, and at the holidays. If you should get married, you'll face the same dilemmas every year at the holidays, but you can always invite both families to YOUR home. Even though you're both close with your respective families, and this year presents a special set of circumstances with your grandmother and his nephew, it's been my experience that it's the woman who usually gets her way in these situations, but each individual situation is different.

I hope you don't allow this to ruin your holidays, and you will talk with him on the phone every day, while you're apart, right? Look forward to being with your family, especially if you don't see them that often, and then have this discussion with him when you're both back home.

I wish you a very happy holiday!

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