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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I am dating a wonderful woman and she wants me to meet her

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I am dating a wonderful woman and she wants me to meet her children. I am very much in love with her and know I would be crazy about the kids. The problem is that I was not completely honest with her. I told her I was divorced. In actuality, I have been separated for three years and it will be another 3-4 months until the divorce is final (no kids in the divorce). We had already agreed for other reasons it would be 6-8 months before we could consider partnership or marriage. I horribly regret having not been honest and feel I should explain this before I meet her children. I know I must tell her, but don't really know how. It is complicated by the fact that I live in the US and she in England, so it can't be in person. Can you offer any suggestions?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been dating or talking to this woman?

 

-Are you serious about being with her?

 

-Do you think she will be upset about this?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Kimberly Ann,

I am 55, she is 45.

We started emailing 4 months ago, have been talking by telephone 1-2 hours a night for about 3 months. Visited her twice and we have great chemistry and comfort with each other. She has told me she loves me and I believe her. I have told her the same and it is true. I am very serious about being with her and have started making plans to relocate to England in the Summer. She has talked with her children about me and I have spoken very briefly with them on the phone (small talk).

I don't know how she will feel about this. I know she has trust issues with her ex-husband.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am sorry for the delay in my reply, but was caught up in a conference call. I must call Natasha soon, due to the time difference, and hope you can give me some further input. Thank you.

Craig
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Craidjjs,

 

If she already has trust issues from her marriage then don't fuel that fire be honest with her if she loves you she will understand that sometimes divorces take time and as long as you are not living with your wife she will understand. You have to tell her the truth before you make plans to meet her children because she may change her mind about you meeting them until you are legally divorced, give her the choice of whether or not to allow you to meet her children now. I think she would appreciate the truth more than you not telling her something that important. Allow her to decide as to what to do from there leave it totally up to her and tell her that you understand her concerns and that you have no feelings for your wife it's just a legality that is taking longer than you had hoped it would. It would be better to tell her in person but since you are an ocean away maybe the next time you talk to her on the phone and are completely comfortable telling her let her know then but make sure you do it when you are ready to tell her emotionally. Once you tell her or if you decide to tell her hear her out about how she is feeling after you tell her this will show that you truly do care about how she feels and just want to go into the relationship without any secrets.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What do you mean to make sure I tell her when I am ready to tell her emotionally? I feel that I have to tell her without any more delay and am worried sick. I don't know what the best time is for me to tell her. Are you saying I should wait until I am less upset about this?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I meant that you don't know what her reaction will be and you don't know if she will want to slow things down until you are legally divorced and not allow you to meet her children and that is what I meant by being emotionally ready for her reactions to the news that even though you are separated and no longer together you are still legally married. I think you should tell her within a reasonable time frame and not wait until you are ready to meet her children this will upset her to know that she was introducing a married man top her children and you don't want to take that chance. It's best to tell her the truth but it's up to you to know when that time is.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com