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-What are yoru ages?
-How long has he been this way?
-How long ago did they keep her from seeing you?
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i have tried to have a great relationship with them it has always done ok the mother of the granddaughter is a bully but i have always been able to hold my tongue for whatever
she dished out. but, i am so hurt i cant think straight we have been a family for 26yrs.
No I'm sorry I am typing my answer I will be done soon. I thank you ahead of time for your patience.
I'm sorry you are going through so much pain and I know it feels as though someone ripped your heart out of your chest but it's not the end of the world. You should try to talk to your stepchildren and ask them to please not take it out on you what your husband has done ask them if you can at least come to their house and see the granddaughter. They shouldn't make you pay for something that is not your fault. They just want to send a clear message to your husband that they aren't going to put up with his behavior around their daughter or them, this was probably a last resort for them. You have to tell them how they hurt you they may not truly know the extent of your hurt, they were trying to punish their father and punished you in the process.
Tell them this, maybe they don't know that they have hurt you also. His children have seen the worst of him and they probably do not want their daughter to see it also and they think it's about time he starts acting like an adult and a grandfather. What they don't understand that your husband needs all the help he can get and them staying away from him and keeping their daughter from him may backfire and send him to drinking again. He can not do it alone, if he feels alone he will take up drinking as his companion again. What his children need to realize is that he didn't get this bad over night and he isn't going to get sober overnight it's going to take some time and family support. What I would suggest to your husband is to join AA or seek counseling so that his children can see that he is truly trying if he tries to do it alone his children won't be able to see his progress but if he is in counseling they will see that he is truly serious.
Family counseling also wouldn't be a bad idea because the family unit should be a united front and right now you are not uniting but separating and that isn't good for anyone involved. Talk to your stepchildren and ask them to be patient with their father and at least allow you to see your granddaughter, ask them if they can give their father a chance to prove to them that he is serious about being sober and getting help but it's not going to be easy for them because they are only trying to protect their daughter.
i have swallowed my pride and apologized for exploding and carryon about how hurt i was bit i didnt mean it but i have to have xmas if she ruins that[my stepdaughter]
i really will flip lid. so what i need is to suck up and try not to lose it. she'd like to go forward and see us this weekend but i think it is too soon, but how do i answer that without sounding like a bitch
Just tell them that you are not feeling well and could they make it another day and that you are sorry. They should understand and shouldn't make a big deal about it. You just want to be careful that when they open the doors of communication that you don't shut it right back up. Take things slowly so that they can see that your husband is trying and making an effort. You have two choices either tell her that you aren't feeling well or be honest and tell her you think it's too soon and reschedule. Try your best not to make a strained relationship any worse than it is, remember you are trying to mend fences not break them down.