How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
1042561
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been dating this guy for 2 years. Shortly after meeting

Resolved Question:

I have been dating this guy for 2 years. Shortly after meeting him he quit his job and moved in with me. He hasn't worked since the day he moved in. There has always been an excuse. Needless to say I have felt used. He is extremely demanding and impossible to please. I have keet trying, but I get so frustrated. He tells. He tells me how useless I am since I am a stay at home mom . I tell him to stop and I ask him not to spend money, but he doesn't listen. It isn't until I get beyond frustrated and I push him that things just blow up. Once I open that door it is all over. He threatens to kill me....calls me names I would never even repeat.   In March I had enough. I told him to quit using me for money and i pushed him. He head-butted me and tried to strangle me. The police were called and he went to jail. Now he is out, and I let him back because I believed all of his lies and I felt responsible. He still isn't working and he blames me for the felony. He says he is the abused man.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
How do you get money to pay your bills?

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

Has he gotten physicall with you since he's been back? Argumenative? fighting?

How long was he in jail? Did they make him take anger management?

What are your ages?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

The money to pay my bills comes from my allimony and child support. I have three children with my ex husband whom I was married to for 3 years. My children are 7, 5, and 3.

 

Yes, he has been physical and I always fight back. It usually starts with verbal abuse on his part and then it escalates. I should let you know that all of our fights are over money and the abortion he demanded I have last year. The amount of money he spends at the bar and gambling has been financially devastating, but he keeps telling me that I owe him....

 

He was in jail for 3 months. They are making him take anger management classes, but he says I am the one who needs them. He wrote me so many letters telling me he realizes he was wrong and how sorry he was, but now he takes it all back. Frequently he will demand money to move out. When I had it I would give it to him, but he would never move out. Now I don't have it, and I don't feel that I should have to pay someone to end a relationship (they should just leave.)

 

He swears that I can ask every other woman he has dated and that he is not a violent person, but I know for a fact that it is not true.

 

I am 31 and he is 34

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I should also add that I am the one paying for his restitution and domestic violence classes since he can't afford it.

 

I was with my husband for 12 years and we were never violent with each other. I am just so angry with my boyfriend. He doesn't even act like a boyfriend. He is only affectionate when he wants sex, and he is very selfish about it. The selfishness just hurts me more. I have never been with someone who doesn't care if they hurt my feelings. Last week he really hurt my feelings and I was crying to him about it while telling him he hurt my feelings and he said :you better call 911 c**t because I am going to kill you, so I did and he freaked and when I told him to leave he refused, so I punched him in the nose. The police did come, but he told them that we didn't call and said if I didn't go along with it I would be the one going to jail for domestic violence.

 

I don't feel like this is man who loves me. I feel like this is a con artist and a dangerous person, but he keeps telling me that it isn't me that it is him. I honestly feel like I am fighting for my dignity and to keep from financial ruin.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Sorry, I realize I need to clarify a few things. He keeps telling me that it is me and not him who is to blame.

 

Previously I was married to my highschool sweetheart. I met my current boyfriend shortly after my husband told me he was dating his secretary. I suppose the timeline is a little confusing. Let me know if you have any other questions. I am trying to be careful because I don't want him to know that I have asked you these questions.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Based on what you have told me, you are very right...you are in a dangerous situation that can result in serious injury or death to you and/or your children. Men like him are damaged and he doesn't care who he damages back. I don't know why you have stayed with him and kept your children in this situation, but you have to realize right now that this situation is very bad....this goes beyond hurt feelings, this is a sickness that he's never going to get well from unless he goes to prison for a long time or gets into some serious therapy. Even if he were to go into therapy today, i would still tell you to run as fast as you can away from him.

Basically it's not about you, it's not about him, and it's not about who loves who or who doesn't love who.....what it has to do with is those children. If you have boys, you are teaching them to beat women....if you have girls, you are teaching them that when a man beats you it means they love you, and almost assuring they will get into relationships with men who beat them. Even if you break up with him now, you will want to get therapy for the kids, because it remains to be seen how affected or damaged they are by this already.

You think that him telling him he's going to kill you is a bluff? Many times men like this will kill the children because he knows that would hurt you so much more. Hitting him is probably the worst thing you can do because you're giving him and excuse to hit you more. Also, if you get domestic violence charges against you, who's going to take care of your kids? Your ex could get custody of them and you would get visitation...maybe. AND on top of that, you'll have it on your record.

What if he kills you? Would he get caught? Would he take your kids and run? Would your ex have to fight him in court to get the kids? What if he kills the kids? You have to think about all of these things because although you might think he won't, a man who hits a woman is lacking social morals and is capable of anything.

Do you see how sick it is that you are paying for his restitution and domestic violence classes? seriously? You have got to figure this out and make a decision, you sound so smart, and like you know what whats going on, but for some reason you aren't making the right decision here. I know you might think I'm being harsh, but I really can't stress enough how dangerous it is for you to remain with this man. If you have to leave to get him out of your life, then you might have to do that. You can get a restraining order, you can move, there are shelters for women in this situation as well as places that will help you get on your feet and away from him, but you have to do it ASAP. Once you do, you're going to need to talk to someone, therapist or counselor that can help you get to the bottom of why you chose to stay in this relationship and how you can avoid doing it again. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
853 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues