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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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my partner & i both spent some time incarcerated last year.

Resolved Question:

my partner & i both spent some time incarcerated last year. he was in for 4 months, myself for 6 1/2. during the 2 months he was out while i was still inside, he had an affair with someone i thought was both our friends. i don't know for sure that they slept together but i DID read all their emails and the intention was there. i had a few choice words for her of course. he claimed he was sorry.it was the 1st time in 4 years he had been alone. he was scared. at the time there was no indication when i may be out. he missed my son's bday because he was too busy emailing her. i can't get over it a year later. it's always first and foremost in my mind, especially coming up to the time it all happened. how do i forgive.....especially since i have no solid proof there was even physical contact between them???
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been together?

 

-Are you still together?


Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i'm 35, almost 36. he was just 39 in august. we've been together 5 1/2 years now and yes we are still together.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Thank you for that information and quick reply, I will be typing my answer now and I ask that you be patient while I answer your questions. Thank you

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i will come back to check out what you have to say after i have a nice hot bath. thank you. please take your time....i'm a little frightened of what the advice may be....
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Trust is such an important part of a relationship and what makes that relationship stable. When it has been broken because of infidelity, it will take time, much patience and hard work to regain and rebuild that trust with your partner. If you want to have any chance at all of saving your relationship or make your relationship succeed. Your partner has been unfaithful and cheated on you and you are probably feeling a lot of different emotions, anger, sadness, fear of it happening again. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and tell your partner how you are feeling. It's normal to feel this way, take some time to work through your feelings and then decide what you want from your relationship. Also your partner needs to take responsibility for his actions and realize that he has hurt you in he worse ways possible and try to prove to you that he can be trusted again just because you did not leave make sure he knows what he did was very wrong.

 

Since the two of you have made the decision to stay together, you both will need to realize that it will take hard work and patience before things are better. Both of you will need to be honest and understanding with each other. If you have been cheated on, let your partner know you feelings and what you expect from your relationship. Try listening to his reasons for what led up to his infidelity so you don't continue to wonder why and how it happened, you will need to let go of the past and you will need to put your trust in your partner in order to move forward. If you haven't asked the questions then made you should have that be part of your healing finding the answer to your questions. If you have chosen to forgive him then you have to be able to let go of what happened and move on from there. It's evident that you didn't give yourself the proper time to heal from this if you are still hurting from it but if you bring this back up after a year your partner may think you will never get over it. I think it hurt so much because it was a friend of yours.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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