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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Hi, Im hoping you can help. I was going out and living with

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Hi, I'm hoping you can help. I was going out and living with a girl for 7 years. We broke up last year after I met someone else I truely felt I was madly in love with. The break-up was extremely difficult as the new girl did and said some horrible things on the phone to my ex-girlfriend in a rage one evening. So, we started the new relationship under extremely difficult circumstances and I have never truely let go of the extreme guilt for the way my ex was treated by both me and my new girlfriend. Subsequently, my new girlfriend and I split up and to my amazement, my ex was prepared to try again. We have been "trying again" for the last few months but I'm not sure we are getting back what we once had, and I've a feeling now that I'm just back with her as a result of guilt, which is wrong for both of us. Meanwhile, the other girl has met someone else but wants us back. What a mess! I don't know what to do. I think I love them both. Please help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long in between what your girlfriend said to her on the phone did you get back together?

 

-Did your ex girlfriend tell you she forgave you for what you and your girlfriend did to her?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi, thanks for the reply.

 

I'm 33 and the original girlfriend is 30 in a few weeks with the girl I left her for being 35.

 

Basically, it was last September that the new girl (S) called my old girlfriend (T) and told her all about our 2 year relationship behind our back. S was angry and wanted to make sure T never talked to me again so as to make sure our relationships. It was selfish and inconsiderate of her, but I forgave her nonetheless. That put a huge strain on our relationship as all my friends and family found out I'd been cheating for 2 years which is bad enough, but they also hated S for putting T through that trauma unnecessarily. So, we started giving it another go in July of this year, so nearly a year later.

 

Yes, T has completely forgiven me for what I did and is committed to getting our old relationship back. She wants to move back in etc and this is why I'm emailing you now. I told her last night I wasn't sure I was ready for this and / or we were doing the right thing so she asked me to consider it for a few days and give her my final answer. She's devastated and I feel so bad for upsetting her again.

 

Thanks.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

She may be afraid that what happened before is going to happen again, what you have to do is use this time to truly think about who you want to be with and who is better for you in the long run. I don't think you gave yourself enough time to get over S before getting back involved with T and now you have unresolved feelings for S. T is a very special woman to be willing to give you the time that you needed to decide what you want to do whereas would S had given you that some respect? Things won't be the way they were before because that is the past you have to make an effort towards making this right and being honorable in T's eyes again. You having unresolved feelings for S is what is giving you second thoughts so maybe you should talk to S and get either closure or a better understanding of where her head is at. It's better to be safe than sorry.

 

You should never go back to someone out of guilt the relationship will never work that way, staying out of guilt gives you a false sense of love and caring and then you feel obligated to stay some where that you are not happy. I would say give yourself a week to work things through if T loves you she will wait for you but you have to be true to yourself and to T she deserves that and make sure you don't do the same thing that you did before, if you decide that S is the one for you wait and make a clean break from T and make sure you get closure and also give her closure. I think T would respect you more if you were honest with yourself and her about the way you are feeling about S so tell T the truth about how you are feeling about everything and then take the time to decide.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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