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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Ive been the most confused and irritable person for the last

Customer Question

I've been the most confused and irritable person for the last 2 weeks. ive been with my love for 2 years in a long distance relationship which we saw each other an average of 2 weeks every month. except for one month which i did not fly down to see him. And he recently told me he cheated on me (one night stand, with a girl from a bar, they went out to eat even, and admitted he never mentioned me once) six months into our relationship. He was my boyfriend then. and as it appears, 3 months later asked me to marry him. i happily said yes. A year and a half later, both of us grew deeper in love and commitment (or perhaps just me) he wanted everything on the table and says there are no more secrets... but i wonder if he is telling me everything. i dont know, im confused. we are both very much destroyed. He tells me he would never stray again and wants to continue our lives together. he says he has no excuse. but felt neglected by me then. i would appreciate any advise any kind words, truth.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello

What are your ages?

How did you meet?

Will you be moving any closer to each other?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

im 24 and he's 22.. im a year and a half older... we met at a family christmas party ... and yes, after his ''cheating'' i moved in with him for 3 months until he had to be deployed to Afghanistan. i would have never known he did this to me.. we became even closer with this deployment... and i just dont know how to forgive or even if i should. we had so many plans together. But, i dont know anymore... im still very confused. thank you for any advise Chase

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Well, think about what you said, I would have never known....and remember that he didn't have to tell you. I commend him for being man enough to come clean, and if you truly love him, then you have to decide if you can find it in yourself to forgive him. If you decide to forgive him, then you have to truly forgive him and not throw it in his face, not continuously bring it up and not harp on it anymore....you'll have to let it go. You can explain o him that forgiving him doesn't mean that what he did wasn't wrong, just that you've decided to forgive him and move on, but he has to be able to show you that he's serious about wanting to be with you and making himself and his life an open book until you feel that you can trust him again (3-12 mos). I know it's confusing, but we are the ones who make the choice about our lives. Look at him and ask yourself if he's a good man that made a mistake, or if you think this is someone who's not so good, and might do it again. Does he show you he loves you, have respect for you, treat you well, keep his word. Make your pro and cons list and then make a decision that you feel you can live with. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I truly appriciate your help... i had a couple of details that i wanted to maybe add to his story... he lied that he used protection.. and after much pressure on him.. admitted not to. then he lied that she was from cinncinati and later changed it to "she was going to cincinatti for the weekend and was moving back to denver" i dont know if he was confused or what.. he is a good man.. thats why i never saw it coming.. any further input would help greatly
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
It's not that he was confused, how could he be? He knew whether he used protection and he knew where she was from, he was just scared........he didn't want you to know he had put your life in danger bu not using protection.....he didn't want you to think it could happen again, so say she lives far off....we may not understand men's reasons, but believe me, they are there even if women don't understand them. I still stand beside everything I said, decide if you're willing to forgive him, if you can do it with an open heart, or if you think it's something you can't ever get past.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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