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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Seriously dating 9mos. My girlfriend and I have a long distance

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Seriously dating 9mos. My girlfriend and I have a long distance relationship. She broke up with me Nov. 9. She stated that she did not feel that I was madly in love with her and wanted someone that was madly in love with her. Additionally, she is afraid that I cannot change and that I will be unexpressive later or 6 months from now I will go back to being the same person and she will be in the same boat. I was planning on asking her to marry me on Thanksgiving. I have told her all of this. She is not reading my emails, text, or accepting my phone calls. (no calls in two weeks). I have not been very verbally expressive about my love for her, but I am madly in love with her. I went crazy texting and emailing her the first week. I havent texted or emailed her in a week. My best approach to regaining our relationship? How long before trying to contact her again? This is second breakup. first was 2 months in for same reason she did not feel I loved her. She is a brilliant computer engineer
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-What did you say in the texts and emails?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am 32. She is 28 with 2yr old child. In an email to me she stated that she wanted someone that was madly in love with her and she thought that I was controlling the relationship by not being expressive. That is a little true.
I wrote that I am deeply and madly in love with her, and told her that I was planning on asking her to marry me in Thanksgiving and my mom had given me a ring to give her. I also told her that I was sorry for no appreciating fully the love that she had given me. She felt that she had given me everything, and she had, and that she could not give anymore and wanted to give up. She also stated that she did not love me the same anymore. But just a week before she was telling me that she wanted to marry me and have my kids.

She asked me to leave her alone. She did agree not to see other people.
I am desperate, my chest hurts when I breathe. I do love her and felt that I was only days away from asking her to marry me and this happened.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

She got tired of telling you what she wanted and getting nothing in return and nothing changed and she felt she was beating her head against a brick wall and that wall would never crumble. What you need to do is give her time she is still upset with you for not trying as hard as she thought you could have tried. You are going to have to prove to her that you are willing to change or have changed and in order to do that you have to work on yourself and making yourself more open to her as far as your feelings are concerned. Do some self examinations ask yourself what you did wrong in the relationship before trying to change when you realize the mistakes you have made change them but do it for yourself not to get her back. Don't contact her again until she contacts you or at least until you have worked on the issues that drove her away in the first place. Even if you had asked her to marry you she might had said no because in her eyes you made no effort to change.

 

Give it at least a week or two without any contact and maybe absence will make her heart grow fonder for you and she will start to miss you she can not just turn off her love like that I'm sure she still loves you and may want you back but is made that you took her for granted. After a week see where your progress has come and then decide when will be the best time to try to contact her again. If you feel that you have worked on the areas that need to be changed then contact talking about what you did wrong and not mention that you love her tell her your fault in the breakup then she will see that you truly did make changes and now know what it takes to make a relationship work tell her you were afraid that if you wore your heart on your sleeve that it would get broken, tell her all of your feelings even if in your eyes it is too mushy and not your style your not trying to make yourself look good you are trying to win back the woman of your dreams.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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