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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My girlfriend has cheated on me and I am a mess. I am depressed,

Customer Question

My girlfriend has cheated on me and I am a mess. I am depressed, jealous and paranoid... I love her and I don't know what to do? I can't get off the rollercoaster of emotions and it hurts. Don't know what to do? I just don't trust anymore?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-How long have you been dating?

 

-Have you decided to forgive her and stay with her?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have been dating her for around 5 months now. I have decided to forgive her and stay with her. Well.... long story but I decided to be her friend while she was going through a break up with her old boyfriend. I signed up for it and knew what I was getting into.... she did have communication and a physical relationship with him during our friendship.... she ended it with him but then I found out that she had actually been with someone else during that time and when she went on a trip to Boston she had hung out with another guy... She says she wants a relationship with me and she loves me etc.... I am having a terrible time getting over it.... I need safety in my relationship, I am not perfect by far and I care about her and know that she has had a difficult time. I just don't trust anymore and I don't know how to deal with it.... I am paranoid and jealous and scared to get hurt... what should I do???
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
what am I supposed to be doing? am I waiting for an answer?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

Thank you for replying I am typing my answer now.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

When you decide to forgive your girlfriend for her indiscretions that is when you should allow the past to be the past and try to move on and learn to trust her again. Showing your insecurities is only going to make things worse, what your girlfriend doesn't want is to be constant remind in one way or another what she did she knows very well what she did was wrong. If you are finding it hard to get past what she did then don't lie to her or yourself face your insecurities head on is the only way to get past this or it will continue and be the demise of your relationship. When you feel insecurity coming on try thinking about if you really want your relationship to end or do you want to give all to making it work. Many couples get back together after one has cheated without even talk through what actually happened.

 

This may be your issue now you didn't get the answer you wanted about the where , when and why she cheated because you may have unanswered questions this may be bringing the past back into the back of your mind and this is why you act the way you do. Ask the questions you need to know so that you can truly move past this and have a healthy and trusting relationship. If you do not feel comfortable asking her questions about why it happened and with whom then you are just going to have to put trust in her until she proves that she can not be trusted again. Your insecurities though warranted are making the relationship restrained. Maybe you should think about getting some counseling to help you work through this because trying to do it yourself is not working a counselor can help you to work through these feelings and find another way to channel that insecurity into something positive.

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KimberlyF
KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com