How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I recently had a breakup with my gf, after having been together

Resolved Question:

I recently had a breakup with my gf, after having been together for about almost 2yrs. I never saw it coming, so I tried to talk her out of it. She said "Let me think about it and will call you after 1 week". During which, I didn't call nor text message her, just didn't want to push her further away. On the 8th day, she text message me "Hi, how have you been doing? Have you been waiting for my call? " I replied saying "I'm been fine. How have you been yourself?". She didn't replied. On the 10th day, I text her back "Can we forgive ourself for our wrong doings and change ourself and overcome our weaknesses ? Can we bring this change to ourself". She didn't replied. It's now entering the 4th week, and during this time, I did not text nor try to call her, just to give her time. Do I still wait ? For how long do I have to wait for a reply ? If she has the answer, why didn't she call and tell me upfront ? Is she still undecided ? I hope to understand what she is going thru. Pls advise.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-She didn't you give you a reason why she wanted to break up?

 

-It's been four weeks since your last communication?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
1) I'm 40 and she is 34.

2) I think she was fed up by the way I was not spending much time with her due to my job commitment and she has hinted to me about this which I didn't realise. Guess, it must have accumulated until it became apparent, she wanted out, she could not stand it anymore. I tried to talk to her prior to the break up, but she went away for 3 days, not answering my calls or answering my text message. When she came back, she text me she was back and we met up. I was cool about it, wanting to know what happen and why is she doing this. It was then, when she mentioned, she wanted to break off. It was then during the discussion that I pleaded to have a 2nd chance. She wanted to think about it and that was when she wanted 1 week to think it over.

3) Yes, it is entering the 4th week already.

To further elaborate, our issue could have been we didn't communicate much lately, and we didn't do anything about pursuing our point across about our relationship, the issues we are facing. She is also a quiet person and so am I.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

Before thinking the relationship is definitely over it is time to contact her and tell her that you would like to talk to her about everything, you either need to know if you have a second chance or even a chance of a second chance or if it is over you want closure and answers as to why. She may have thought because you didn't contact her that you didn't care to have a second chance or even talk things out and that is why it's going on four weeks now, she may have been waiting for you to contact her as well as you waiting for her to call you this is were the lack of communication is really destroying your relationship and any chance of another chance. it's time to call her or text her and ask her to meet you make it for lunch or dinner so that you have one on one time and can talk about the relationship and where it is going from here. You should reserve yourself also to the fact that she may have already move on and just wants it to be over.

 

She feels as if you took the relationship for granted and didn't take her hints that the relationship was in jeopardy seriously and therefor did not care about the relationship or her and now you have to convince her that wasn't the case at all and if she feels that is what you did then you will work on making that aspect of your relationship better and no longer take her for granted. This could be your make or break it opportunity so try not to find excuse and admit to your fault in the relationship break up, this will show her that you are admitting you had faults and not making excuses. You have to get her to talk to you face to face and not through text message or over the phone.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm getting confused here, as experts are saying " don't contact her, let her contact you first" type of thing, as the saying goes " absence makes the heart fonder, let her miss you".

Now with you replying like this, I don't know who I should listen to or what I should do. What if she doesn't reply to my text. She didn't reply the first time time round. and the 2nd time as well .. why do you think she would even accept my invitation or replying to my text to her ? I'm really lost here ... should i or should i not ??

I'm sorry .. I just feel very confused here ... I hope to understand how a girl's heart is ... that way .. i would know what to do ...
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

Normally I would say the same thing but there is a time limit as to how long you make her wait and not contact her it's been four weeks and you haven't heard anything from her at all and you have not contacted her. Evidently this is not working and it may backfire and she will think oh well just move on. It's been almost a month not a few weeks that makes a big difference, how long would you wait for her to contact you, a few months, a year? In most cases absence makes the heart grow founder but you have to realize she was already fed up with the way she felt you were neglecting her and now you're not contacting her what is that going to make her feel like? There are different answers for different circumstances, if she was already feeling neglected what would not calling her at all make her feel like?

 

You not contacting her before made her text you to ask how you are and your answer was "I'm fine", she may have felt you are fine without her it depends on the thinking of the woman as to how to handle the situation, if a woman is already feeling neglected and ignored what would she think if you totally ignored her? That no contact rule should only last a couple of weeks not a month, what she wanted was for you to show her you cared about her and would do anything to make her happy and all she has gotten was no contact this may have her feelings as though nothing has changed and you are still taking her for granted. When she made the initial contact maybe you could have said "I'm fine beside missing you." Just to show her that you are thinking about her and still care.

 

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What if she doesn't reply to the text ? Where do I go from there ?

She didn't answer the 2nd text during the 2nd week itself.

FYI, I just text her when I received the reply from you, so I'm scared and very nervous right now ....

Yes, there is a possibility that she has rejected me altogether, seeing what went on between us, and I did apologise in the text and hope we can work out .. that was the text message I sent to her. Closing with "Can we meet up?" Is that the right way ?

It's do or die now ...
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

You're right it's due or die time now, I don't think it's a good idea to keep texting her you should call her on the phone or go to where she is and try to talk to her face to face. The texting hasn't worked and maybe she wants you to make more of an effort. This will show her that you are willing to do whatever it takes. When or if you do get in contact with her makes sure to let her know that you have missed her. Yes ask her to meet for lunch or dinner and have flowers for her but if you were to talk to her on the phone or face to face you could get a feel for if it is time to fight or give up by the tone of her voice. It's crucial not to wait any longer it's been four weeks make sure she is free to talk and hasn't' found someone else. If you decide to text her make it sound like you really would like to see her and talk things out but try to talk to her on the phone or in person first.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much for the reply and your assistance.

Have a nice day.

I just hope it's not too late ....
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

You're quite welcome and I wish you Good Luck.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
Counselor
750 Satisfied Customers
Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com