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2 years but we have broken up. He is confused about why I am hurt all the time. He gets on my nerves because he doesn't understand the hurt bit and can't talk about feelings.
I have not had much luck in the last 3 years. I moved to Spain 3 years ago. Before that I had a very nice boyfriend who adored me but I found it boring and wanted adventure. IN Spain I have had two boyfriends before this one. THey were both Spanish and pretty jealous accusing me of crazy things like touching the nape of their best friend's neck in a nightclub, dancing to attract men's attention, one went through my mobile phone. I finshed with them. Then I started going out with this boyfriend. He is French I am English, we work at the same secondary school as teachers (me biology him French(
Throughout your life you have dealt with let downs and esteem issues. First you had to deal with your father being abusive to your brother and your mother and you then you had self image issues, then the sexual abuse by your grandmother's boyfriend and though you say you liked it you were only a child and never felt that feeling before but what he did was very wrong that is why he would stop when people came in the room and because it didn't hurt you thought he wasn't hurting you but emotionally he was damaging you. You should not feel guilty for enjoying it you were a child and didn't know any better and didn't know at the time that it was wrong. I think you may have stopped the counseling too soon and you should have continued until you could learn that it wasn't your fault and also could have gotten help for the abuse you witnessed and endured.
Your relationship issues now stem from all of this every man you have trusted when you were a child hurt you and let you down and treated you badly and you expect every man now to hurt you the same ways or in any way this is a learned behavior and with all learned behaviors it can be changed with help and counseling and building self worth. You have tried to get over these memories on your own and it's not working they keep coming back and makes you feel bad every time they resurface and with counseling they can teach you how to channel the positive instead of always the negative. When you go into a relationship instead of looking at the positive you also look for it to fail because that is all you have seen failure in relationships with your father, your grandmother's boyfriend and some other boyfriend who have used you for their on sexual needs when what you were looking for was love they were looking for Miss right now.
You have to remember you didn't become complicated over night this took years to build up all of your insecurities and with only a little but of counseling you expected to be cured until the same issues reared their ugly head just when you thought you could have a healthy relationship it become unhealthy because of your feelings from the past. Although you know those things that happened were not your fault you are still blaming yourself, as if, if you were a better daughter or if you didn't enjoy your gram's boyfriend touching which brings us back to it not being your fault and I think you say that but you don't really think it wasn't your fault and a counselor can help you to realize that you weren't the one that had an ill mind they were the ones with the sick minds and I don't think you can have a healthy and stable relationship until you can work past the past and look to the future.