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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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A few months ago my relationship ended with a girl i had been

Resolved Question:

A few months ago my relationship ended with a girl i had been seeing for about a year. I really cared about her, and she betrayed my trust by seeing someone else behind my back. It took me a while to move on however, I'm over it now and starting a new relationship with another girl. But I feel anxious around her at times because I feel like I'm going to be hurt again, I have nothing to base this on, I just find it hard to trust people with my feelings, and so I hide behind sarcasm... So I was wondering, why are my defences so high? And what can I do to make myself feel safer about opening up to people?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
How long hve youbeen broken up with the first girl?

How long did you wait to get involved with the second?

How long have you been with the second?

What are your ages?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

We've been split up since around May,

 

I guess I rushed myself into getting into a relationship... But I felt at the time I should be moving on and not just moaping around feeling sorry for myself. I don't know if that answers your question or not but..

 

About two months

 

I'm 19,

My ex is also 19,

and my new girlfriend is 18,

 

I probably should have mentioned that me and my ex we're very close friends before our relationship started, and that at the end of our relationship she thought it her duty to compare me to her current boyfriend and explain to me why he was better than me.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for that additional info. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean getting into a relationship. Whenever you get out of a relationship, especially one where your mate has cheated on you, you need time to recuperate. It's the same as when someone dies, the relationship has died and you need time to heal from that. Don't feel bad asking your current girlfriend to give you a little time off, because if you cannot get past this feeling you have, you'll only wind up hurting her.

As for the previous relationship and the way you are feeling now, it's like you got knocked off your game. You were feeling great and then 'bam' out of the blue you're sideswiped. It's normal after that to keep looking around for that next hit, or to look at others with a cautious eye. It's also very easy to feel that she cheated because you weren't enough, or because you did something wrong, which is hardly ever the case. Most people cheat because they have issues within themselves, where they don't care enough or think enough about themselves to be true to their mate.

You can only be yourself, that's all you can be. You can also look at the people you get involved with and give yourself time to know them before jumping into a relationship. 3 months...6 months....get to know the person, what they are like, who they hang out with, what their family is like, what their hopes and dreams are, etc, etc. You would be surprised at what you can find out about someone by not sleeping with them, and hanging out with them. Once they get comfortable with you, they start to act like their true selves.

The fact is, you never truly know what's in another persons heart. When we love someone, trust is a gift, and we should give it without expectations. Odds are that people will take advantage of that trust, thats why you want to know them well before giving them that gift of trust. You can take two paths. Trust people until they give you reason not to trust them or don't trust anyone until they give you reason to trust them. Either way depends on your personality. I hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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