How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

hello,im been dating a guy since September and we consider

Resolved Question:

hello,im been dating a guy since September and we consider ourselves in a monogramous relationship.The issue is he never invited me to his home (he lives on his own)....We been to movies,restaurants but when its time to have sex we go to a hotel to his sex....By the way we rarely see eachother but speak on the phone everyday for hours......We go in public so I know his not ashamed of me...but i know he met some crazy females in the past that I assume makes him a bit cautious...What do you think about my situation?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Do you think he may be married


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
His 44 Im 20........I might him off the net ..I live in Nj he lives in Nyc....Because of the distance and time we rarely see eachother.....When we are sexually intimate its only in a hotel not at his house......He understands he cant come to my house because I live with my parents....We consider our relationship monogramous...but it bothers me that he doesnt take me to his home but instead to a hotel....Should i be worried his hiding something are im I delusional?.......When we began talking he lied about his age and that he been married but is not divorce due to he thought it wasnt going to be serious and it was a "fling"...you have been divorce for more then 10 years.......Is there a certain time limit one should invite the significant other there home?...I feel his hiding something....Because of the obvious...he feel comfortable being intimate but then again he takes me to hotels that he been to before (with previous sexual partners).....
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

He could still be married and also lives with the wife or he might just feel comfortable taking his girlfriends to hotels but you should make sure that it isn't that he is still married and his wife lives in the house. Just be careful that he isn't using you it seems like he takes his girlfriend to the hotel and never allows them to see where he lives this is typical of a married man. Either ask him why he doesn't take you to his house or ask him if he is still married or if the ex wife still lives at the house and that is why he doesn't take you to his house. Unless you want to do detective work to find out the reason which isn't a good idea because you will look like either a stalker and chase him off if he finds out or you will look as if you do not trust him and that could chase him off also. If you don't feel comfortable only going to hotels you need to communicate that to him and ask him that you feel as though he is hiding something.

 

It seems to be a pattern with him to take his dates to hotels maybe he could just be being careful because he meets women off of the internet because it is safer to take them there than to his house in case they are crazy or stalkers. Give it a few more months and see if things change and he starts to trust you more and takes you to his house if he doesn't then I would address the issue right now you are still getting to know each other.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
how long should I wait for him to take me to his home?...Do you think his hiding something?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Seeing that he usually takes his dates to hotels I think he is hiding something or just being safe because he meets these women on the internet. I would wait a month and then ask him about him not taking you to his home and why?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I want to ask another question about the same guy......I been in an sexual abusive relatiionship in the past....and i find it hard to abtain intimacy with him because i have flashbacks and i sometimes mistaken him for the accuser in my mind......Am intimidated by him though i know his not going to hurt me.....Its just i would be scared to ask him why he wont invite me...I am scared to get him upset...I asked him a similar question such as that...and he got upset...I told him about my past issue...and he feels hurt......and now i feel more scared to ask him about the "home" question considering i dont want him to get upset or any negative way...what should i do?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

When someone has been sexually abuse they sometimes have flashbacks during intimacy and that can also add to the insecurities you have because you haven't always been treated the greatest by men. If he got upset about you asking about him not taking you to his house then it sounds like he definitely has something hide or else he wouldn't get defensive and wouldn't have a problem with answering your questions. it is up to you whether you want to continue dating him if you are okay with possibly never going to his home and only meeting him at a hotel your whole relationship because that may be why he has had so many relationship end because he will not commit enough to take them to his home. It's important that you think about whether you want a relationship like that for yourself because it sounds like he isn't going to take you to his home anytime soon and it also sounds like this is his M.O. when dating a woman.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Another issue is a question out curiousity...........So what if your dating someone....how long should you wait for them to return your call....the later it gets in the day the harder it is to reach him sometimes......The only time we really talk is during while his working....he just never seem to answer my phone calls smetimes (same guy) but theres also days we could go on the talking for hours..........but other days i could call him and i could never get in touch with him....I understand sometimes his job or friends or his busy are calling him...................but can somebody really be that be that busy....he always says he will call me back but most of the time he doesnt....what do you think?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

That is all the more reason to be very careful because if he is not accessible to you at home there is something there that is keeping him from being able to communicate with you. You really have to find out why it is he can not call you and why you can not spend the night at his house. I think it's a little disrespectful to only take your dates to hotels because only people with something to hide take their dates to hotel rooms unless they have a long distance relationship. All of the signs are there that this man either has someone living with him or he is married.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU!! for saying the disrespectful part...i didnt want to come out and say it......but i feel degraded a bit....I thought his being cautious...but you cant take your girlfriend to hotels only ..right??.. ..today we were suppose to see eachother...but i called him around 4 (after work) n to confirm everything...and he never returned my call same with wednesday night..........but when i call him at work he seems to picks up....and again today I decided to call him around 4 (after work) he still hasnt return my call.......and its 7:20 eastern time now...is there a time limit on how long you should wait? or theres something wrong
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I think if he saw that you had call he should have at least called you back to tell you yes or no about meeting instead of having you wait for him to be ready to call. This guy is definitely hiding something and if I were you I would find out. That is the problem sometimes with meetings someone off the internet they can always make themselves be something they truly aren't. Like a married man can pretend to be single just to get what they want. The disrespectful part of only taking your dates to hotels is that the woman feels like they only want to meet them for sex all of the time and never romancing them or making them feel special enough to take them home.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Perhaps thats why he turns off his phone at night......so in conclusion I should question him ....his not accessible and he hasnt should me his place?

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 


In order to get your answers yes question him about what you want answers to and if he gets defensive you pretty much have your answers, he hiding something and doesn't think he has to tell you about his life which will mean that you don't mean much to him at least not enough for him to give you the answer you so need. I would also rethink continuing to date him if he can not respect you enough to both return your calls or take you to his house.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He called me back and was upset that i didnt call him in the morning to inform him we werent going to meet....Because we both stated we were going to meet but I called back and got no answer....Because i wasnt sure....and when he found out we werent going to meet because according to him he believed we were...He was upset because based on what he beleives is i "stand him up" and now that i did that he says now i dont see him as importance considering i didnt go out my way by leaving him a text or voicemail and i just ditched him....is this even justible what his saying?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It seems as though he has double standards, he hate that you stood him up and are putting him first but he doesn't have to show you respect and take you to his house to be intimate so that you do not feel like a kept woman. I think it's time to have the talk with him about how you are feeling about everything, I think he was more upset probably because he had to find a way to make time to meet and when you didn't show he got angry but it's was because he would not call you back and you should state that to him.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I stated that to him that but he doesnt see the rationality of that.......I said i was having doubts we were certainly going to meet tomorrow.....so I called...and he didnt reply to my call that day by the time he replied i was doing something...........and i already made other plans for something else...Do you find this "kiddish" and i should of left him a message on the voicemail?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes next time leave a voice mail but you should really think about if this guy is compatible for you, he seems a bit selfish like everything should go his way meeting in a hotel and not her house, meeting and calling only when he is ready to do so, answering your calls only when he is ready and getting mad if things don't go exactly the way he wants them. Is this someone you want to form a relationship with always feeling like he is tucking you away in some hotel?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We hang out not only in hotels....its just i feel if your claiming one as your girlfriend and also being intimate with that person you should there shouldnt be a barrier to go to that ones house......If there is then take it slow untill his comfortable enough...But we both decide when we want to meet...we decide if we want to go to a hotel..but now his upset i blow him off and i dont see him as "important" after all the feelings he has for me..........
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Explain to him it was a misunderstanding and that you would never purposely blow him off it was just a lack of communication on both parts, tell him you are human and you are going to make mistakes. Ask him if the two of you can get together over the weekend so that you can talk to him about why he does not take you to his house or call you at certain times of the day or evening.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
His not really speaking to me...and i dont think he would agree to speak over the weekend...since his upset...and whens his upset he need time to think by himself...so i would maybe have to wait till monday........
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Then give him that time to cool off but I would definitely ask him and get the answers you need so that you will know if he is worth your time and you can form a relationship with him. If you feel any of my answers have been helpful please click accept so that I can get credit for my answers.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thank you for you time and answers Kimberly...and enjoy you night...

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions