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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My girlfriend broke up with me after 3 and a half years, she

Customer Question

My girlfriend broke up with me after 3 and a half years, she says it is because of university and work and that she just cant put into a relationship anymore and it was making her unhappy. She still has all my pictures up in her room, still wears her ring i brought her after 1 year, she didn't even want to give her house keys back. When we spoke she told me "i dont want you to think i dont love you because i do". So I done the whole no contact thing and it seemed to work a bit, i was told by her friend that she was missing me. we met up last night and went out to a football game but she didn't say anything about us, she did at one point put her arm in mine and we walked arm in arm. She then texted me when she got home and said she had an amazing time. Is she just trying to make me feel comfortable with being "friends" or is she still confused with what she wants.. I feel like I don't know what the next step is..
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How often is she in contact with you?

 

-Does she call you everyday or several times a week?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks for the quick reply, heres the answers to your questions:

- im 22 and she is 20

- its been 4 weeks now since we broke up, at first i was contacting her looking for answers, then after about a week i decided to give her space. the next week she turned up at my house and spoke to my mother for a bit. i was home for lunch so i just tryed to ignore the fact she was downstairs and she came upstairs to see me. she told me she was fed up but i didnt ask her and regret not asking her more. i just asked "with what" and she said "everything".

we had planned to goto the football match for a while (which was last night) but she asked me if she could see me before it, which i told her yes. when i texted her asking what she wanted to do it never materialised as she had plans for the next few days to see family and friends. in short i let her contact me first each time from then onwards.

I would say its been every 2 - 3 days we've have some sort of contact, but mostly it has been her starting it and me replying.. sometimes a day later.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It sounds like you are doing the right thing because if you notice when you were the one calling and wanting answer it got you know where but pushing her further away and when you made up your mind to try the no contact she ended up contacting you and seeming frustrated about everything that has happened what I suggest to you is, make yourself seem needy. Even though you may feel the need to tell your ex that you can't live without her, there is no point in telling her that. Instead stay strong, let your ex see that you are okay by yourself, and show everyone around you that you have self confidence and you are happy within yourself. Being needy or desperate will only push her further away, so make sure to maintain your confidence this will make her crawl right back to you.

 

Also you need to do some soul searching during this time ask yourself why you want to get back together. Is there still any love there? Also think about what part you played in the cause of the breakup so not to make the same mistake twice if she does come back to you. It's good that the two of you went on an activity you may have enjoyed previously as a couple. This will allow her to see what she is missing out on by not being with you and will remind her how good your relationship used to be. If you do get back together start fresh, let the past be the past. Bring yourself back to the initial feelings you had when you first met her. If you can't forgive, then there is no point in going back.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I definately still love her, seeing her last night made me miss her even more so now i think maybe we shouldn't have gone even though all i want to do is see her.

so lastnight i tried to play it cool and let her make any moves, she was the one who took my arm and let us walk arm in arm, but it was only for a few minutes, we even had a bit of a cuddle on the train back, but once again only for a couple of minutes... what was she doing here?

it just all feels like its in her hands and i am powerless, i feel like asking her how she feels, but i dont want to bring "us" up in any conversation we have incase it pushes her away more.

When we broke up and i was in the "begging" stage of asking her back constantly I told her how I felt and even though she told me she still loves, is attracted to me and it wasn't my fault I still beleive I was to blame slightly for not putting in as much effort as I could have, but this was something I came to realise when the breakup happened, so I guess that is a positive from the whole thing as I know what to do and what not to do next time. I have told her this so she knows I can be different, but then its just back to the same thing where I have no control over what will happen and its all in her hands.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Don't have high expectation of how things are suppose to go, take baby steps and this way she will be able to see how good the relationship was and what she has given up. Actually your are not totally powerless it takes a alot of restraint to be able to act as if you are okay when deep down inside you want things back the way they were. I don't think she is playing any games with you and I think she is seriously missing what you had give it more time before asking about the relationship aspect. Think about it when you begged and pleaded she did nothing but when you acted as if you were okay and could be okay without her she contacted you so who is really in control of the situation, you are, you're no longer acting needy but stronger, you make her make the first move and contact and she does, just give it more time maybe a few months and then have the talk and if she pushes away then you will know it isn't the time for that discussion.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thankyou very much for your advice
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're quite welcome and if you ever need my help again ask for me by name I will be happy to help you. Good luck to you!

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