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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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my husband wants me to be dominat him sexually . i dont know

Resolved Question:

my husband wants me to be dominat him sexually . i dont know were to start ?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 6 years ago.

Dear Redhead,

 

The first place to start is to ask him what he means by that.

 

You need to know what he has in mind.

 

Dominating him sexually could be anything from being the assertive one, to S&M and so called DOM type stuff, which can be dangerous.

 

So start by asking him what he is wanting exactly. What does he have in mind.

 

You can also ask him to describe a sexual fantacy to you and then act it out.

 

But above all else, you must feel comfortable doing these things. If it does not make you feel good, you may have to make some compromises.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Hello sir : i am a first time user and if i was to reconstruct the question better i do feel that it would be of more help..Not knowing , i was trying to be broad so i would be promped to a page liks this one .I hope it not to late to ask ?

my name is XXXXX XXXXX my loving husband Mike we are great together , ower sex life is still good , ( no children ) and 43 and 46 years old

we have talked about request ,and what is in his creative mind , ( i am more concret,traditional )

we have played with the fantancy roll a bit , and i do know what he wants , To be treated like a sex slave waiting on me hand and foot cleaning the house and pampering me and in return i am to "punnish" him , such as for him to give me oral sex ,tie him to the bed and ask him humuliting questions , add to the honey do list of domestic chores , and to give him a spanking .. " I want to treat you like a Queen because you are " O yes i should add that he likes to were girly undergarments , which i am inbarrased to tell you but that goes not bother me ,it's cute/and a bit funny .. 6ft1in 205 lb .o well. All the " punnishments " are things he likes any way ?

Q1 - i want to enjoy this with him and understand it better in order to for this guilt i get seeing him do all the extras . its like its all for me ????

Q2- can us playing like this destroy ower relationship that WE have , ?????

Q3- I dont want this to become the only way we have sex , ( he has said that he does not want it all the time too ) but it seams to me that he is so much more excited when we do ????

Please , think it through and give me your expert advice THANK YOU

KIM :)

 

and all

Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 6 years ago.

Dear Red head,

 

I understand where you are coming from.

 

Q1: I am not able to help you with feelings of guilt. That is something for you and he to talk about. You may want to see a relationship counselor in person for a few sessions to discuss this issue. IT sometimes helps to talk to a third party in depth about what exactly makes you feel guilty and the ok ness of what you are doing. As long as it is not cause injury, you would not have a need to feel guilty. Guilt comes from thinking you are doing something immoral, illegal, or wrong (sinful). Those issues are founded in how you were raised and your religion. In order to overcome guilt you have to be able to see that what you are doing is not wrong, immoral, or illegal, especially when done in the confines of a loving relationship and marriage; where you are not causing harm. The more you talk about this with him, and or a third party, the more it becomes normalized for you. I am sure you have no problem indulging him from the idea of it, but getting past guilt can be more difficult.

 

Q2: Playing like this will not necessarily have a negative effect on the relationship, provided it is ok for you as much as for him. This is not a 50/50 idea, but from the idea that it is ok with you to extend yourself in this way. If you are not ok with it, then there could be problems. He needs to respect your position and feelings as much as he wants you to respect his. So if this is not something you can do without guilt, there is a potential of damage to the relationship.

 

Q3. I agree that this should not be the only way you have sex. I recommend a schedule. For example: Tuesday nights is play night. Or Tuesday and Thursday. This gives him and you something to look forward to. By scheduling this kind of sexual play, a schedule can help to build excitement as the time and day approach. He and you may find that it also creates a since of preparing. When people have scheduled events, even schedule sex, they find themselves in their anticipation, developing a ritual of preparation that contributes to the sexual play in a favorable way.

Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience: USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
Ed Johnson and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

ATT: ED Johnson THANK YOU

Thank you for your help , as the typ woman i could just keeping

questions . but i would like what i owe you at the present time ,, to

be fare to you and my self , there is no set $ amount (fare

suggestions) ??

Q; I wish i did not use the guilty word ( now understanding what it truly

means ) the new word i would approach that with would be is selfish or

taken advantage of him . If you care to take a look at the responce I

would appreciate that !!!!!! Kim

sorry for the time delay ,

if you can not understant,, i could re write if you would ?

Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 6 years ago.

Dear redhead,

 

Thank you for your feed back and comments.

 

It is not a matter of money. You do not have to pay anything extra, but bonuses are always appreciated. You are entitled to follow up questions until you are satisfied.

 

Your follow on question: Whether you feel selfish or feel like your are taking advantage of him, is different perspective of guilt. Only with this phrasing, it is more like not having a sense of entitlement. BUt it comes to the same thing, feeling somewhat inadequate or selfish taking advantage of someone. A person feels selfish or like they are taking advantage of someone, out of how they were raised and their religious and philosophical up brining with regard to sharing, taking care of themselves, and others. So it amounts to the same process as overcoming guilt.

 

You need to realize that in caring for your partner that you are entitled to satisfy him in the way he has asked you. If someone has asked for something, then it is not selfish of you because you are really not taking advantage of someone to give them what they want.

 

 

Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience: USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
Ed Johnson and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt