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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am dating a man that is currently getting divorced. I met

Customer Question

I am dating a man that is currently getting divorced. I met him while he was seperated with his wife. They had been seperated for a year. He moved out of the house they lived in when we began dating. He said he had only stayed to save money, and he slept on the couch when he was there. She knows about us, but i dont beleive she really wanted to get divorced. He told me that when he married her it was just the next thing to do. He felt comfortable. Things fell apart when they had there son. The divorce will not be final for another couple of months. He has a three year old son which I adore. We have been dating now for eight months. I am thinking about putting things on hold until his divorce is final. Its hard because no one has ever made me feel like I could be myself the way he has. He is always there for me, but i have not met any of his family yet. He wanted to wait until the divorce was final. Should I run from this situation or stick it out? not sure
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello

You've been dating now for 8 months, why would you consider putting things on hold now? Are you suspicious of something?

What are your ages?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He is thirty two and I am twenty eight.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello did you see my other question?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
No I am sorry missed it.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I dont feel like he trust me. I am going to start a new job with all men. I think that makes him uncomfortable. We also went on vacation and we ended up having great days, but arguments at night. He just did not seem very sociable with my friends. He told me he never wants to go on vacation again with those friends again. My friends just want to make sure he is the guy for me, but they came off a little rude. Also whenever we have a few beers its easier to tell him things that are bothering me. I know that is not the time, but with my friends there it came out.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I think my biggest worry is that he did not have time to himself after his divorce. To get back to who he is. I am worried that three years down the road he will think he missed out on dating. He tells me his loves me and wants to be with me, and I am the only one he wants. Every advice column i have read says you need at least a year after divorce to heal.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
While it's true that when a relationship is over, a person needs time to get back to themselves, he claims that he's not been involved with her for over a year before he met you. It's possible that he did have enough time. there's a lot of other issues here, which is the trust. If he doesn't trust you now, that won't likely get better with time, but most likely will get worse. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time out if you feel thats what you need to do, but it really sounds like there are issues that need to be addressed directly. The arguing every night on vacation is not good. I have a joke I tell my clients, if you want to know if a relationship will work out, go on vacation with someone, or do a project together that will take a few hours (like putting together a wall unit or shed)....if you can get through one of those without fighting then your relationship will probably work out well, lol. Again, the biggest issue for me would be the lack of trust. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Is there a good way to work on building trust with you significant other?

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I find that some people are trusting and some people aren't. It's usually dependent on their experiences with others. If he hasn't had good trustworthy experiences with others, he won't expect to have them with you. It's important that you be consistent and persistent when showing him that you are trustworthy and that you are not like the other people he has known. Don't allow him to change or control your behavior because of his insecurities. After time passes and he sees that he can trust you, then he will grow to trust you more, but if you allow him to change or control you, that will make him think that the only reason you are trustworthy is because of what he's doing. It's a fine line, but communicate as much as you can, talk about things as much as you can. Communication is key.

Chase

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