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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A. , Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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I cheated on boyfriend, I confessed. He forgive me....6 months

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I cheated on boyfriend, I confessed. He forgive me....6 months later he proposed. I said yes....but I am scared I will be unfaithful as a wife..since I couldn't be faithful as a girlfriend. We are in a long-distance dating relationship now. Do you think it will be better when we are in the same city, house. I love him, I made a mistake...will our marriage be doomed?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.

What are your ages?

How long have you been together?

Why did you cheat?

Why do you think he forgave you?

What do you want out of this relationship?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

1. I am 27 and he is 28 ( I will be 28 in Dec) He both have never been married and don't have any children

2. We have been together for the second time around for a 1 year. We dated for 5 months back in 2005 and mutally ended it due to long-distance and not being able to get to the same city. I was military at the time. We have been knowing since high school (over ten yrs) (we did not date at all in school) only friends. After high school, I joined the military and he went to college and graduated. We remains friends throughout that time. I was the one about 15 months ago that revealed to him I still loved him and wanted to try again; even though still long-distance...I felt it could work since I was out of the military and able to move when I pleased. We started dating again.

3. I cheated b/c I was lonely...being in a long-distance relationship. The person that I cheated with I had been involved with sexually before (my Relationship w/ E.) So I felt comfortable around him. The person I cheated w/ lives in the city I am in/ We were friends and I really thought my feelings were not there for me anymore. We went to what I thought was an innocent lunch...I went over to his house just to hang out. He started touching and kissing me///in my mind I tried to fight it///but I gave me...during the encounter my mind was screaming stop. I didn't enjoy it. I kept thinking, this is not what I wanted..why I am giving my body to him..he doesn't even care about me. I just waited for him to finish. After sex, I told me how ashamed I felt, it was wrong, and that I was going to tell my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend 48 hours later what I had done. I have never seen to spoken to the guy I cheated w/ since our last sexual encounter.

3.He forgave me because he says he prayed (he actually prayed on the phone aloud when I told me I cheated). That I came to him w/ it vs/ getting caught. The remorse that he could feel that I had. The distance/ my poor judgement vs. the lack of love that I have for him.

4. I want a partner for life. I want to be a help-mate. I want a union with a purpose to be better in this life with another person. I want to divide the sorrows and multiply the joys with him. I want to create a family with him. I know I have found a protector and spiritual leader. I want to be challenged to be better in every aspect of my life and do the same for him. I want a honest, spiritually grounded, and joyous marriage for life. I don't believe in starter wives or husbands. I want to be able to be open no matter how bad the issue is. I want a strong support system with him. I want to know that situations and seasons in life and forevering changing, but our love, my partner, our mission (to stay happily married is dense energy, constant, and unshakable.

5. I feel that when I pray less, get off focused and get lonely..I become my worst enemy. I am trying to stay focused and grounded because I want him, I choose to love him and choose to accept his propsal to be his wife.

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.
<p>HiCustomer</p><p> </p><p>I will respond by this evening. I have an emergency I have to deal with at the moment. Check for an answer this evening. Thanks.</p>
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.

I appreciate your honesty, as it will help me to provide you with a better and more informed answer. Well, I think your spiritual connection with your man is a real plus. I also think you have the right mentality in approaching marriage, but I also understand you hesitancy based on your past behavior. I'm guessing you just really need attention and love to be reassured. It is ok to need physical contact with someone, but even if you get lonely, you cannot give in to your impulses. I think that mistake will hopefully be enough to scare you from ever letting yourself fall into that kind of a trap again. I do not think you chances of having a happy marriage are doomed. Rather, I think it will take some work, but I believe that if you remain completely honest with your husband and he with you, that you will have no problem working through this issue. My advice, since you mentioned your faith, is to keep God at the center of your relationship. Don't stop praying. Don't stop going to church. Don't stop seeking God's help in enduring the difficult times. From my experience, my relationship with God has helped to make my marriage wonderful. There is no such thing as perfect, but your faith can salvage any mistake if you are both committed. I am going to recommend that you read a particular book that I found to be very inspiring and helpful. I suggest that you have your soon to be husband read it as well. The book is called, "Love and Respect." It is a fantastic book about how to have a wonderful relationship with God at the center. I think it can have some restorative power for your relationship if you truly read it and process it. I can promise you that it will help you understand yourself a whole lot better. Keep the first things first...your relationship with God. The rest will fall in line if you stay committed to that. He will give you the strength to resist that loneliness. Don't be a comet and get close, just to run away from Him. I wish you the best. If you found this answer to be helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you found my answer worthy. God Bless.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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