How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask JR, M.A. Your Own Question

JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
JR, M.A. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I cheated on boyfriend, I confessed. He forgive me....6 months

Resolved Question:

I cheated on boyfriend, I confessed. He forgive me....6 months later he proposed. I said yes....but I am scared I will be unfaithful as a wife..since I couldn't be faithful as a girlfriend. We are in a long-distance dating relationship now. Do you think it will be better when we are in the same city, house. I love him, I made a mistake...will our marriage be doomed?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.
HiCustomer

What are your ages?

How long have you been together?

Why did you cheat?

Why do you think he forgave you?

What do you want out of this relationship?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

1. I am 27 and he is 28 ( I will be 28 in Dec) He both have never been married and don't have any children

2. We have been together for the second time around for a 1 year. We dated for 5 months back in 2005 and mutally ended it due to long-distance and not being able to get to the same city. I was military at the time. We have been knowing since high school (over ten yrs) (we did not date at all in school) only friends. After high school, I joined the military and he went to college and graduated. We remains friends throughout that time. I was the one about 15 months ago that revealed to him I still loved him and wanted to try again; even though still long-distance...I felt it could work since I was out of the military and able to move when I pleased. We started dating again.

3. I cheated b/c I was lonely...being in a long-distance relationship. The person that I cheated with I had been involved with sexually before (my Relationship w/ E.) So I felt comfortable around him. The person I cheated w/ lives in the city I am in/ We were friends and I really thought my feelings were not there for me anymore. We went to what I thought was an innocent lunch...I went over to his house just to hang out. He started touching and kissing me///in my mind I tried to fight it///but I gave me...during the encounter my mind was screaming stop. I didn't enjoy it. I kept thinking, this is not what I wanted..why I am giving my body to him..he doesn't even care about me. I just waited for him to finish. After sex, I told me how ashamed I felt, it was wrong, and that I was going to tell my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend 48 hours later what I had done. I have never seen to spoken to the guy I cheated w/ since our last sexual encounter.

3.He forgave me because he says he prayed (he actually prayed on the phone aloud when I told me I cheated). That I came to him w/ it vs/ getting caught. The remorse that he could feel that I had. The distance/ my poor judgement vs. the lack of love that I have for him.

4. I want a partner for life. I want to be a help-mate. I want a union with a purpose to be better in this life with another person. I want to divide the sorrows and multiply the joys with him. I want to create a family with him. I know I have found a protector and spiritual leader. I want to be challenged to be better in every aspect of my life and do the same for him. I want a honest, spiritually grounded, and joyous marriage for life. I don't believe in starter wives or husbands. I want to be able to be open no matter how bad the issue is. I want a strong support system with him. I want to know that situations and seasons in life and forevering changing, but our love, my partner, our mission (to stay happily married is dense energy, constant, and unshakable.

5. I feel that when I pray less, get off focused and get lonely..I become my worst enemy. I am trying to stay focused and grounded because I want him, I choose to love him and choose to accept his propsal to be his wife.

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.
<p>HiCustomer</p><p> </p><p>I will respond by this evening. I have an emergency I have to deal with at the moment. Check for an answer this evening. Thanks.</p>
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.
HiCustomer

I appreciate your honesty, as it will help me to provide you with a better and more informed answer. Well, I think your spiritual connection with your man is a real plus. I also think you have the right mentality in approaching marriage, but I also understand you hesitancy based on your past behavior. I'm guessing you just really need attention and love to be reassured. It is ok to need physical contact with someone, but even if you get lonely, you cannot give in to your impulses. I think that mistake will hopefully be enough to scare you from ever letting yourself fall into that kind of a trap again. I do not think you chances of having a happy marriage are doomed. Rather, I think it will take some work, but I believe that if you remain completely honest with your husband and he with you, that you will have no problem working through this issue. My advice, since you mentioned your faith, is to keep God at the center of your relationship. Don't stop praying. Don't stop going to church. Don't stop seeking God's help in enduring the difficult times. From my experience, my relationship with God has helped to make my marriage wonderful. There is no such thing as perfect, but your faith can salvage any mistake if you are both committed. I am going to recommend that you read a particular book that I found to be very inspiring and helpful. I suggest that you have your soon to be husband read it as well. The book is called, "Love and Respect." It is a fantastic book about how to have a wonderful relationship with God at the center. I think it can have some restorative power for your relationship if you truly read it and process it. I can promise you that it will help you understand yourself a whole lot better. Keep the first things first...your relationship with God. The rest will fall in line if you stay committed to that. He will give you the strength to resist that loneliness. Don't be a comet and get close, just to run away from Him. I wish you the best. If you found this answer to be helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you found my answer worthy. God Bless.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency