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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My boyfriend and I who i lived with for three years and had

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I who i lived with for three years and had an amazing relationship broke up three months ago. I called a break for a week so we could think about it as he couldn't really talk about a future. He decided to end it for good. I have never called him or texted unless to reply and been upbeat and happy. Now it seems he is intiating contact and ways to catch up. What is the best advice? Do i wait and hope he comes back or move on for good?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long were you together all total?

 

-Do you want to get back with him?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi there I am 36 years old and he is 28 years old. I want to also add that the relationship was the best it had ever been as we really got along so well - then every now and again we discussed the opportunity of moving back to my home country Australia and he said he would but didn't want to be pushed on it. All was going well - then one morning after a fantastic weekend i said to him I just can't do this if you can't talk about the future. he said it was always amazing then every now and again these devastating blows for no reason. he was also very hurt that i asked him to go and stay with a friend for a week so we could both think about our future together or become friends. We left on such amicable terms where he told me he loved me etc and we have been nothing but friendly over email and text as he had to move his things out. I really do love him and realise i have taken him for granted and perhaphs backed him into a corner where he felt his dreams didn't matter. I have been good with no contact so now he drops me a mail as a casual to see how i am - i don't want to blow it by being too keen or too aloof and not sure what it means? I would love to be back with him. We were together three years in total. I just need to work out what is the best plan of action. Thanks
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You don't want to sound pushy or like you want to run the show just reply back to him that you have realized alot of things since you have been apart and that you feel you took him and his dreams for the future for granted tell him that, it may be what he is waiting for, tell him you miss him and care so much about him. Since the two of you have stay on friendly and cordial terms since the break up that is good because you may not have to work as hard as you think you have to. There are three question you should ask yourself before making any moves to win back you ex. Is there still any love left in the relationship? That is the most important question, you shouldn't mistake love with needing company, when trying to get your ex back, you need to dig deep within yourself and be honest. Do you still love him but most importantly do you feel he is still in love with you? If the answer is yes, then the chances of making up with your ex are very good.

 

What caused the breakup and what would need to change? One of the most important issues in a relationship is what was the main problem that needs to be changed. If the issues that caused the breakup are not corrected, the chances of it happening again are very possible. Once you have figured out what the main caused of the breakup was, you can concentrate on that issue and correct it but most chances are that if the patterns that were formed during the previous relationship are not changed then it is more than likely it will happen again but try to remember one thing, you cannot change other people but you can change yourself start by changing yourself and what you thought you did wrong in the relationship. Are you committed to making the relationship work this time? You must understand that nothing ever happens without commitment. If you did not commit yourself into making the relationship work the second time around and your ex also does not fully commit to make things work, then it probably will not work, if both of you are able to resolve the main issue that caused the breakup the first time around and are committed to not letting it happen again, then the chances are very good that you will be able to make up.

 

You have to talk to him about your feelings and what you want and then ask him want he wants this way you both will know if you are both on the same page. If you are too aloof you may not ever get him back when he contacted you that was his way of making the first move and if you sound too friendly then he may take that as all you want to be, tell him you have been thinking about him and the relationship alot lately show him you are interested and see how he reacts if he reacts uncaring then ask him if the two of you can get together for lunch or dinner and talk. Then tell him that you are sorry for taken him for granted and not considering what he wanted out of the relationship and that you love him and want to try again. If you do not act now you may not get another chance to win him back.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi there
Thanks so much for this information it really was so helpful. I am seeing him next week for dins and also he has a few things to give back. I am really worried though if i do tell him my feelings he will run a mile, he doesn't really ever talk about his feelings. Also when he left i really took that as he couldn't offer me a future and not sure in three months if that has changed. We both i believe still love each other very much and had a wonderful warm relationship. I do fear though now that he has moved in with his friend and is out partying that he will prefer that life. Do you really believe that what is meant to be will be? And given the scenario that i have told you do you think that we have a chance?
Thanks
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
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