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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Should two people who like each other but one is not attracted

Customer Question

Should two people who like each other but one is not attracted to the other get together and see if they can get a relationship to work?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Chris,

Can you tell me more about your situation?

Are you male or female? Are they male or female?

How long have you known each other?

Who's attracted and who's not? how do you know?

What are your ages?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi Chase

I'm male and 33 and there female and 23, we have known each other for around 3 months and in that time have only spent around 3-4 days apart, she has told me that she wishes she felt differently but doesn't think she can, it came very close to giving it a go, a relationship that is last week, however that changed the next day,

there is attraction on both sides but she is telling me that this is not physical.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Have the two of you been intimate? or plan on it?

Do you kiss? touch?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
we have slept with each other on a few occasions and touch but do not kiss
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Ok, what I'm hearing from you is that you like her and want a relationship with her, but she's telling you that she's not attracted to you 'like that', correct?
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
more or less, however she seems to run hot and cold, she says that she likes me but just not in a sexual or physical way!?!?!?!? she has also said that she knows a relationship between us would be great!!!!!!!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
What do the two of you do when you spend time together? What types of activities?

How did the two of you meet?

When is the last time either of you were in relationships? any background on those would be good.

Has she dating someone this many years older than her before?

Whats her relationship like with her family? her father?

Has she said why she doesn't want to actually get into a relationship specifically?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
When we are together it is like we are already in a reltionship, we go shopping eat for go for drinks etc etc, we stay at each others houses and sleep in the same bed.

we met through work

for me about 12 months her about 18 months

not too close form what I see but they talk all the time and get on well

just because she isn't attracted in that way??????????

all our friends say that its obvious something more than friends is there but im really unsure as it seems as tho there is but she says different
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Well, the botXXXXX XXXXXne is you already have your answer, it's just hard to accept it. She's telling you , and being honest with you, that she doesn't feel that way about you. If you decide to still be involved with her, then you have to understand that it will never be anything else. (of course some will say that you should never say never, but she's telling you how she feels)

There are many reason why she may still be around you

a. she could genuinely like you as a person, and may even feel bad that she doesn't feel any chemistry towards you

b. she could enjoy how you make her feel (if you are doing things for her, buying things for her, paying for dinners, taking her out) everyone loved to feel special or spoiled

c. she could be looking at you as non threatening, as someone who wouldn't try to hurt her, and even though she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, she feels safe with you

If you thinks she is set on how she feels then you need to back up from her. Backing up will accomplish two things

1. if you back up, it may allow her to see things more clearly, and maybe feel a little differently need to wean yourself off of her and be prepared to move onto dating other people, because you need to date people who do like you 'like that' and that are willing to build a future with you

I hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk more.


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