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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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My girlfriend decided a few days ago that she doesnt want

Customer Question

My girlfriend decided a few days ago that she doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment because it reminds her of all the problems they bring with them. So she asked if we could stay friends I said no sorry I can't be with you as just friends, then I phoned her up a few days later and I cried f**king hard, so did she, she sent a text message to her friend saying how she still loves me and can't stand seeing me like this. yet when I went over to her she says: What do you want me to do? Be in a relationship with you while I dont want to? I'm so confused and really depressed, she's my 1st real love and I guess that's what is making it so much harder.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long did the two of you date?

 

-Are you her first love or has she dated before?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We went out as good friends for 4 months, we slept togheter(not sex) watched movies etc we where togheter alot. We where a couple for 3 months after that.

I'm 19 almost 20 she's 18 almost 19

She has dated before as I said she said that she's not ready to go trough all those problems that she had with her other boyfriend.

The situation is blurry for me. I love her alot. She just sent me a text message once saying how maybe its better that we should stay friends, I said, I'm sorry thats not enough for me, i wouldn't be able to just be with you as a friend. Whenever I see her now I cry knowing that she's not "mine". I said everything to her about how I feel and if she really isn't ready to give it a little chance? Her answer kept beeing no, not ready. Yet she tells her friend that she still loves me and can't stand seeing me like this. :(
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Oh yes also I want to send her messages every day but everyone keeps telling me not to and just let her see how she likes life without me, if she'll miss me she should come back
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

Sadly you can not make someone stay with you if they are ready to spread their wings and that is what it sounds like it is with her she has been in serious relationship at a young age and hasn't really given herself time to have fun and just enjoy life and I think that is why she doesn't want a serious relationship because she is young and doesn't feel that she could do that being with you. She would have to answer to you for whatever she wants to do. She pretty much wants to sow her oats what you are going to have to do if love her enough to let her go and if things were meant to be she will come back but if they weren't then maybe it will be time for you to find closure in the relationship and start to get out dating again but only when you are ready. You have asked her several times to give it another chance and each time the answer was no, I think her mind is made up for now.

 

Hopefully she will get in the dating scene and see that things aren't as fun as she thought they would be. Give her time to have her fun maybe a couple of months and then go to her again and see if she hasn't changed her mind and if she still wants to be single and have fun then you are going to have to move on and start healing from this , start out slowly just go out with friend to movies or dinner or do things you like to do hobbies, interests, you have to keep your mind off of her and if you stay by yourself then all you will do is think about her constantly and that isn't a good thing. My question to you is wouldn't you rather have her in your life as friend than to not have her in your life at all but if it will hurt you to see her and not be with her then that is your decision to make and you know how much you can handle and how much you can not.

 

Just give her a couple months and talk to her again and see if she hasn't changed her mind and then start the healing process if she hasn't change her mind and doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thing is we werent dooing anything serious. I asked if she bored herself in the relationship and maybe we needed to do more stuff? I also said I was as happy as I can be with how things where as they were. A couple of months without her is going to be hell for me. :(
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

I understand it's going to be difficult but you don't want to keep pressuring her into staying with you or being more than she wants to be that will only make her want to be without you more that is why you have to have patience and give her the time she wants what would be harder a few months or a lifetime without her, if she sees you are willing to give her time and be patient she may see that you may be the one for her and may come back but if she feel you do not respect her enough to give her the time she needed and she may never come back.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yeah I guess I will. I've stopped sending messages since today, thats what all my friends told me to do. She quit her job to, we worked at the same place. No one believed that we were done, her sister said we where great togheter, everyone that saw us togheter said that we looked so happy when we where arround eachother. She told me how much she loved me each day, jesus christ I'm starting to cry just writing this. I just don't get how she can go from loving me that much to not wanting anything.

And her telling her girlfriend that she still loves me is what makes this situation so weird :(
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
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KimberlyF
KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com