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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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we got back together - he said he missed me but he continues

Resolved Question:

we got back together - he said he missed me but he continues to be angry about me staring at other men at the club. Says he wants to take it slow now because he feels he was made a fool of. What I can't understand is why he wanted to get back if he hadn't resolved this issue within himself. He doesn't seem to be as interested in me - stays over less, says he isn't cooking for me anymore. Why does he even stay? Continues to call and come over He feels he did so much for me but I didn't appreciate him. I was always here for him. Still gets angry over me staring - wants resolution. Is there an answer that will satisfy him? I won't admit to it. He is sure of what he saw.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.
Hi nanrose,

What are your ages?

How long were you together?

When long were you separated?

Are you actually staring at men at the club?

How was he made a fool of?

Thanks!
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
53 and he is 45. together 11 mos. separated 5 mos. I didn't stare but he says he knows what he saw, and, therefore, I made a fool of him. I showed interest in other men.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.
HiCustomer

Well, to be honest with you, he sounds quite insecure. Most likely, he wants all of your attention, so that he can feel more like a man. When he thinks you are looking at other women, it is a big blow to his manhood. He continues to stay because he is getting some need met by being in the relationship with you. Perhaps just knowing he is still with you makes him feel good about himself, but he is angry at you. Instead of openly expressing his anger often, he tends to use passive-aggressive withdrawal from you. That is, he tries to punish you by leaving early...not cooking dinner...not being a gentleman...etc. I hope this is making sense to you. Frankly, he needs to be confronted about this passive aggressive behavior. He needs to talk more about his anger and his feelings of inadequacy. He may not be willing to lower his pride to do this, because he may feel too vulnerable. But, he can't continue to treat you like crap and get away with it either.

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