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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I am in a difficult relationship situation. I am currently

Customer Question

I am in a difficult relationship situation. I am currently living with a man to whom I am engaged and have been for almost 2 mos. We met on a dating website and have known each other for 8 months. I just discovered that he is still on the dating website and is currently communicating with a woman with the intent to meet her. When I confronted him with this knowledge he apologized in a very heartfelt manner, affirmed his love for me and promised to break off communication.   His background is that his first marriage was an arranged marriage and he feels very strongly that he "missed out on the romantic side of dating". I love this man dearly and want things to work out but this is very distressing to me. I am wondering if this may be a "last fling" before we finally get married (which is currently set for after Jan. 1st) or if this is a pattern I will have to deal with after marriage. I would appreciate your advice.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How many times has he been in contact with the other woman?


-Do you live together or apart?

 

-Why did his marriage end?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
-I am 50 and he is 60

-As far as I know, his marriage ended due to "extreme incompatibility"-of course, I only have his account of that

-He has been in contact with her approximately 8 times, twice after I confronted him with the information

-We live together, and have since mid-September
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

My suggestion to you is not to marry him until you know for sure that he is done with this woman and the website. He sounds like he may have the start of a sex addiction or addiction to the dating site, which you should make sure of that before you marry him that he will stay faithful to the marriage. If he has contacted her even after you confronted him with the information that should be a warning sign to not rush into marriage if you are not sure he will be faithful to you and the marriage. If he wants to sow his wild oats he should have done that before making a commitment with you and promise of marriage. If he wasn't ready to give all of that up then he should not have started a relationship with you or anyone else until he was sure he could be totally committed to the relationship.

 

You don't want to marry him only to find out it was a huge mistake so why not put off the wedding until he can show you that he is serious about marry you and being with only you. Just the fact that you have such insecurities about this shows that the two of you should wait to make any major decisions, you should never go into a marriage with doubt or regrets because marriage is suppose to be a new start for the two of you to begin your life together. Maybe ask him to possibly go to a counselor before marrying him this way he can get the help he may need and figure out why he feels the need to find other women when he has a loving woman right at home for him.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Just one more question and I will gladly accept your answer ...are men sometimes unfaithful even when they sincerely XXXXX XXXXX they love the woman in their lives? There are probably as many answers to that as there are men but I guess I'd like to try to understand whether his professed love for me is real or just a lie. Thank you for your help.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

There are some men that genuinely love their mate but for some reason can not be faithful and I'm not saying this is the case for your fiance' because as far as you know he hasn't cheated yet only talked about doing it so with some help and counseling there is still hope for the two of you but he has to act NOW. I think because of his bad experience he may be nervous about taking that big of a step again. Just make sure he get some help before you get married or that he proves to you that he will not do this again after you are married.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you very much for your help!
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're quite welcome and if you ever need my help again ask for me by name I will be happy to help you.

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