How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

what can i do to find out if my ex would still consider getting

Customer Question

what can i do to find out if my ex would still consider getting back with me and realise that i love him without putting any pressure on him?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are you ages?

 

-Why did you break up?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

hi there.

many thanks. he's 34, i'm 34. we were together for 3 years before he broke up with me. he started withdrawing and was not good at talking about his feelings. it drove me crazy towards the end so i asked him to make his mind up. he is very sensitive and i think he thought i might not care because i put pressure on him even if i always told him i love him. i'm his first long term relationship apart from one that was 9 months. i've made up exuses to meet him (we've no been apart for one year) and whenever we meet we have a great time. the last time was only one week ago. we had to exchange some more things but we were both happy to see each other. i've always acted happy when we met and for his birthday i sent him a card that i miss him. there is something between us but he's holding back. he's starsign cancer, very sensitive and i have hurt him in the past without wanting to (only small things) and he is afraid of rejection. i'm scared to talk about how i feel because i might scare him away. i feel he needs reassurence but i don't know what more to say. and i don't know if it is all facade but the last time i got the feeling....if we get on this well and he is hardly ever in touch (not really actively trying to be my friend)....he MUST miss me.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

It's important for you to tell him your feelings before it's too late and he finds someone else. I understand you being afraid that it will backfire and he will get scared and push him further away but you can not keep going on the way the two of you are if you want something more, you have to make your move now. Don't think negatively about it or it will only keep you from following your heart. If you are too afraid to tell him face to face write him a letter telling him everything that you miss about him and apologize for the way that you took the relationship for granted. He will appreciate that you are being honest with him about your feelings and ask him if the two of you can meet for lunch or dinner and talk about things and is it possible for the two of you to give it one more try. You really have nothing to lose because you aren't together now and haven't been for a one year.

 

This way you will either get another chance or get your closure and be able to move on if that is what you have to do. It's better to know for sure than to keep wondering that can be frustrating. Allow him some time to think about everything you wrote in the letter and then give him a call and ask him what he thought about your letter and if he is willing to at least talk about it. If he isn't willing to give the relationship another try then you have to work towards getting closure and being able to move on.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for your reply. The main thing is that I cannot squeeze anything out of this guy that needs a definite answer because he would say no. that is why he left in the first place. i never took the relationship for granted either. i am trying to understand why he is always so happy to see me. makes compliments. tells me it's nice to see me and then is never in touch. as if he loves me but doesn't want to be with me. or too proud to ask living in the past thinking that it can't work because it failed the first time. or maybe he's just being polite. after all i'm doing the same thing. pretending to be happy and in a good mood although i am miserable and miss him after the meeting.

in my letter in july i told him that i miss him in my life....i got nothing much back apart from a thank you. so i thought...let's forget about it....but then he got in touch a month later and wanted to know how i am. i don't think a letter will give me any answers and if i put him on the spot he will go quiet and feel unconfortable and say either no (because it's safer) or nothing. i wonder if he will come back if i just disappear?

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
746 Satisfied Customers
Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com