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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Should I stay with a man that I love and trusted whole heartedly

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Should I stay with a man that I love and trusted whole heartedly who cheated on me 3 times with a prostitute? We have a baby and I don't want her to grow up without her parents together. I also cannot afford to live on my own.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been together?

 

-Did he say why he cheated?

 

-Do you think you could trust him again?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm 33 and he is 36. We have been together for 3 years, living together for about that long too. He was up until know, I thought, the kindest, sweetest most honest man I ever knew. I trusted him completely. He said stopped being attracted to me and fell out of love with me because I gained 50lbs when I was pregnant. After I found enough evidence on his computer he confessed to seeing a prostitute while out of town and another twice in town. The first encounter was when our baby would have been between 4-5 mos. old. Having a baby is stressful I know, but I know plenty of people who have been through this strain and none of them cheated. A month ago I discovered he was a using married but looking for sex website. I confronted him immediately and we got into counseling because he says he loves me and wants to be with me and is so sorry. Now a month later after a month of us both really trying I found that he went to prostitutes. He said he has not had contact with anyone since we started counseling. He also told me he saw a few prostitutes when he was going through his divorce, a year before meeting me. He maintained contact via instant messanger with one ever since that he said he talks to every now and then because he does the work on her website, but its nothing more, she lives in a far away state.

I NEVER NEVER would have believed he was capable of this-- ever! He is kind and affectionate and says he still loves me and that he does still find me pretty even though passion died. He wants to get it back and try.

I don't know if I can ever trust him, he slept with 3 hookers when I was a brand new mommy. I want to kick him out but I know I will be so sad, and I can't live on my own with the baby I just can't afford it. I dont want to have her away from me at this young age going back and forth between two households. But still we are talking about sex with prostitutes. I think he has a sex addiction because he is a total porn junkie. Downloads it daily. I don't want to be helpless and co-dependent. He is going to see a psychiatrist too besides our relationship counseling. How can I know if I can forgive this?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

After a trust has been broken it is always hard to think of trusting again. If you are forgiving him it is then you must try to let go of the past and move forward with an open mind. You both have to have open communication and try to learn from the mistake to make your relationship better together. This will take time of course it is no small feat but it can be done if your both willing to try. Counseling could also helps your boyfriend find the deep rooted reason for him cheating with prostitutes he could be a sex addict, the counselor can find that out.

 

Forgiveness is the most hardest things to give and it takes time to get over what he has done to your relationship but if both of you make an effort to make the relationship work and healthy again. I'm a firm believer that all people can change and I don't believe the saying once a cheater always a cheater I feel that with respect and self control people can change and be faithful to their mate but they have to truly want to change for the better and become a better person. Anger is the one emotion that keeps us from forgiven someone that has done us wrong. Don't do this just because you want your daughter to have her father in her life do it only if you are ready to forgive and give him another chance.

 

Don't expect things to get better overnight it took some time to get bad and it's going to take even longer for things to be good again and the trust to be there. If you do decide to take him back then you have to leave the past in the past and if you ever find yourself resenting him be honest with him about your feelings so that the two of you can talk it out. Try giving each other two date nights a week to reconnect get a babysitter and go out to the movies or out to eat or to a club and find each other again and find out what made you fall in love with him in the first place. If you say this is out of character for him then he may have a sex addiction or the start of a sex addiction. The counseling should be an option that you have him do before you let him back in he has to realize what he did was wrong and work out why he did it.

 

Don't blame yourself for his indiscretions and don't allow him to put the blame on every woman gains weight when they have a baby. He is going to have to do a lot of soul searching and work before you can ever trust him again and the main question is, is he worth giving him another chance? If he is going to use your gaining weight because you are bringing his baby into world then he is showing that he may not be the most supportive boyfriend but the final decision is yours to make just make sure you make the right decision for you.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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