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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My husband I have ben arguing more often, I feel im right.He

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My husband I have ben arguing more often, I feel i'm right.He and my sister say I have a bad temper and little patience. I dont like feeling like im walking on egg shells and I can't speak my mind if i feel something bothers me
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-How long have you been married?

 

-What do you argue about?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We married in June and have been living together for 2 yrs, we have 4 kids between us and we are of different ethnic backgrounds. Well for example i asked him a question in the car yesterday, he didnt answer me he was fiddling with his cell phone changing the ringer. I asked him did u hear me? after he neglected to look up or answer.I got mad I hate to feel like im being ignored.He says im too impatient and have anger issues.This is the 2nd marriage for both of us.We both came from bad marriages where were used financially by our spouses. we are both in the military and he feels i bring that home with me.My sister says her husband does it to her to but she overlooks it.I'm sorry but i feel its rude.All i asked him was could he drop me off closer to my job if it began raining harder and he ignored me.He says he was thinking, buthe never even looked up from what he was doing.He could've said yes or Ok..something.He does it often and we always argue about it.Prior to him I was a single mom.My sister is the docile, quiet type so i didnt give her advice to much weight. and she too is on her 2nd marriage.My husband says he doesnt asnwer me alot cause he doesnt wanna argue with me and feels he feels any answer he gives will result in an argument. I suggested counseling he said I needed, WE didnt. I love him and want thi to work.We used to be close friends before, now we're not even speaking.But this issue keeps coming up
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

One more question before I answer your question: What different ethnic backgrounds?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
im african-american and he's caucasian
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I don't think it's enthicity I think we as women in general tend to speak our minds and want to be heard but they want to feel like they are being understood and when the man ignores them it makes them feel as though what they say means nothing to them. I don't think it's an ethnic issues I think that your husband is a bit more laid back and has that don't stress the small stuff mentality. Alot of men like to avoid conflict and arguments and doesn't care at what cost they do avoid it but what they don't realize is in doing that it's like they are dismissing their girlfriends or wives. Maybe you should try to take another approach so that he will answer you when you ask a question and doesn't feel like it's going to end in an argument.

 

When asking him a question try saying it this way " Honey can you drop me off closer to work in case it rains?" It may be the tone of your voice that makes him think you are being argumentive when you are not. Try to change the tone and manner in which you ask him and use a pet name you have given him or just use terms of endearment before asking the question. Don't ask in a short or curt way it makes them shut down and not want to talk to you at all. Ignoring you when you talk is a learned behavior on your husband part he just got used to blocking you out in order to not argue with you just as he learned to block you out is the same way you are going to have to get him to listen to you again, if he sees that you are trying to change that part of you then he too will try to change and be more attenative.

 

You both have to be willing to compromise and bend a little that is what relationships and marriages are all about finding a happy medium. Accept each other for what you are he is laid back and quiet and you like to voice your opinion and be heard. Talk to him and ask him if he could at least give you a one word answer and acknowledge that he heard what you said. Talking calmly gets couples so much further than demanding respect and attention. He doesn't think he has a problem and that is why he said you need counseling not him but if he is ignoring you constantly then he too needs to seek a Marriage counselor woth you to help the two of you learn to communicate and have a healthy relationship. I don't think it's your differences in races I think it's more a difference of thinking and reacting. Try telling him you will try to work on how you talk to him and ask him things if he will work on listening to you and acknowledging that he has heard you and understand what you are asking of him.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for the advice, you gave me some good pointers, I will aplpy what you have said. I was up all night wondering what to do.I luv this man and want this relationship to work.I needed to vent and wa glad u were there to help.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're welcome and if you ever need me again ask for me by name I would be happy to help. Good luck!

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