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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My boyfriend and I broke up August 2nd. I called it quits

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My boyfriend and I broke up August 2nd. I called it quits because he no longer kept his word (ie: stood me up for movies, went out only once during 3 month relationship). We tried to keep it going on some level for another 6 weeks. I was in love with him. He used to tell me he loves me but then changed up. He once proposed (August 3rd) to me after we had a very bad argument at his families house the day we broke up and he asked me over just to humiliate me in front of his family. I finally walked away September 21st. Sent him two emails in total (to clear the air because I told him I hate you etc etc)...he sent me one chain email since then. I still love him. His new GF moved in with him. He once said maybe we will meet up in future once he his better for me. Said he met his future wife (said not me "yet"). Do you think he will come back. I am 39, he is 37. His divorce final September 1st. He is going through lots of changes and so am I.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-How long after you broke up did he meet the new girlfriend?

 

-Do you want him back? If so, why if he didn't treat you well?


Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He started dating immediately after we broke up...I checked his email and found out he reached out to an old friend after he said give us a week before we talk again/see each other again. He just got his new apartment and here he was inviting over an old friend while we were still trying to work out our problems. I confronted him...broke his trust by checking his email without his knowledge/permission. He started seeing her September 1st or sooner. He said she was important to him and whoever he was with had to accept that. He said he was not in a relationship...was not ready for a relationship but he is in one with her. Says he's known her for 10 years...not letting her go. As far as "why do I want him back if he did not treat me well"...When we first met things were great and I opened up to him because I thought we shared the same views about religion. After all the drama I contacted him September 18th or 19th and he is talking about "hopefully he will see me in the future"...would not tell me goodbye...says things change from day to day. I was sure he meant she is his future wife...but he tried to keep me holding on. Even though he said he didn't know whether he was coming or going AND he has to deal with his past before he can be the kind of man I need AND that I was too good for him right now.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He started dating immediately after we broke up...I checked his email and found out he reached out to an old friend after he said give us a week before we talk again/see each other again. He just got his new apartment and here he was inviting over an old friend while we were still trying to work out our problems. I confronted him...broke his trust by checking his email without his knowledge/permission. He started seeing her September 1st or sooner. He said she was important to him and whoever he was with had to accept that. He said he was not in a relationship...was not ready for a relationship but he is in one with her. Says he's known her for 10 years...not letting her go. As far as "why do I want him back if he did not treat me well"...When we first met things were great and I opened up to him because I thought we shared the same views about religion. After all the drama I contacted him September 18th or 19th and he is talking about "hopefully he will see me in the future"...would not tell me goodbye...says things change from day to day. I was sure he meant she is his future wife...but he tried to keep me holding on. Even though he said he didn't know whether he was coming or going AND he has to deal with his past before he can be the kind of man I need AND that I was too good for him right now. I want him back...I believe he is my soulmate. I love him and I know he still cares about me. He is so lost and running from woman to woman. He used to hum the wedding march to me (unconsiously)...he used to say the M word (marriage) all the time...he used to talk to me in his sleep. I never told him that.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

<span class="text-15-black"Customer

 

Right now he is not available to come back to you since he is dating someone else. The fact that he can move on so easily after dating you may be a sign that he may not be coming back and while you were dating you were starting to see the first signs of mental abuse, put downs, degrading comments in from of his family, also you were not taken on dates and courted and didn't feel like he was making an effort to make you feel wanted. You rarely went places or did things together. When he expressed his love for you he takes back what he said as if it meant nothing to him.

 

Some of the signs a relationship is not going to work were there like: you were stood up for dates and he didn't call to say he wasn't coming or if he doesn't take into consideration you feelings before hurting them and if you have a misunderstanding, he ends your relationship rather than talking it out, and the fact that he moved on to this ex so fast after you broke up makes me think he was talking to her before the two of you broke up. he wont' be any good for you or anyone else if he isn't good for himself. He wasn't respecting you or your feelings and things weren't going right and he said he wanted and needed space and then started dating someone else. This is not the type of person that is going to be there for you and though he sounds confused and unsure about what he wants living with another woman is not going to help him figure out his feelings but make him more confused. It seems as though he can not be alone for long because he is afraid of being alone and lonely. This is something that he is going to have to work out on his own.

 

You have to want better for yourself someone that will love you and respect you it doesn't sound like he even respects himself telling you that you are too good for him right now. When you go into another relationship without fixing the one you left never solves anything only makes it worse and this is what your ex is going through right now not knowing if he is making the right decision or pick the right woman. You are going to have to tell him that you will not wait forever for him to make up his mind and then try to move on and get pasted this especially if he has moved the other woman into his apartment. For now you have to consume your time with something else, hang out with friends, put your energies into your work or hobbies, don't waste your life sitting around waiting for him when he is sitting on the fence you may find yourself wasting years waiting for him.

 

 

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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