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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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We have a newborn baby and my wife wants to go to the bars.

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We have a newborn baby and my wife wants to go to the bars. I don't think this is right and it causes a big fight. She said she is boered just staying at home. What do I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been married?

 

-Has she always liked to go out to bars?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm 24 and she is 22. We've been married for a little over a year, and she has always liked to go to the bars. I used to like to go out with her before we had the baby, but it doesn't seem right now. The baby is only 2 months old and she has went out 4 times. If we don't go out then she says just another great night of doing nothing at home. I not sure what else she wants to do. We go out to eat at least once a week. She says if I just want to sit at home and do nothing then I'm not the one for her, but I don't think that we should go out all the time. I told her that we don't have to sit at home all the time I wouldn't mind going out every now and then but every other weekend is not right with a new baby. On friday she came home from work drunk it was her birhtday and her friends took her out for lunch and she got drunk. I had plans to take her out to dinner for her birthday but she said its just dinner whats it matter. Then she took off and went out again that night and didn't come home till 3 in the morning and she thinks that she has done nothing wrong. She said that she just went out for her birthday and holloween. I also caught her making out with one of my friends 2 weeks prior to that and before she left to go out she texted him and asked him what he was doing that night. And she went out without telling me what she was doin.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

Clinton.Shelter,

 

One more question: How long did you and your wife date before getting married?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
we dated for 1.5 years
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

Clinton.Shelter,

 

 

It seems as though your wife isn't ready to grow up and trying to relive her youth and partying, there has to be some kind of compromise maybe allow her one to two days a month to go out with friends. She may be feeling like she was too young to settle down and have a family but it's too late to think that way and going out alone is not the healthy thing for a relationship because there is temptation out there not to mention she kissed one of your friends and then continues to contact him when she knows she is going out, you're asking for problem allowing this to continue talk to her and tell her you don't feel comfortable with her talking to this guy and asking him if he is going out especially when you know you're not going to be around. Tell her that when she decided to get married and start having a family it was time to put all of those childish things away and concentrate on her family especially her newborn

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I've already said that and she says she is only 22. But I told her she's 22 with a family and newborn. I'm not sure what else to do.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

Clinton.Shelter,

 

I'm sorry I was finished a with my Answer so I am Editing my original answer.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

Clinton.Shelter,

 

 

It seems as though your wife isn't ready to grow up and trying to relive her youth and partying, there has to be some kind of compromise maybe allow her one to two days a month to go out with friends. She may be feeling like she was too young to settle down and have a family but it's too late to think that way and going out alone is not the healthy thing for a relationship because there is temptation out there not to mention she kissed one of your friends and then continues to contact him when she knows she is going out, you're asking for problem allowing this to continue talk to her and tell her you don't feel comfortable with her talking to this guy and asking him if he is going out especially when you know you're not going to be around. Tell her that when she decided to get married and start having a family it was time to put all of those childish things away and concentrate on her family especially her newborn baby who really needs her now especially now this is the time a mother bonds with her baby and tell her she is pushing you to the edge.

 

Maybe counseling wouldn't be a bad idea for the two of you, if something isn't done now it could mean the demise of the marriage. Your wife may be doing this because she knows she can get away with it you may need to put your foot down and tell her that she has to put more into this marriage and taking care of the baby than she has been. You should sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk with her about this. She needs to know exactly how this is making you feel. You must tell her that you feel disrespected when she goes to the clubs after you've expressed your wishes for her not to go. When you do tell her how you feel about his, do it in a non confrontational way, she might shut down and get defensive and refuse to talk at all. See if you can't come up with a compromise and meet each other half way of your wishes. Ask her to cut down on her going out and doing more things as a family like dinner, movies, over to married friends houses that have children and understand that you have to take your child with you. Maybe the two of you can pick a day where you find a babysitter for the newborn and then go out together as a couple try doing this twice a week and see if things don't get better but I also suggest a MArriage counselor and possibly your wife go to parenting classes or you both go together.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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