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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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for awhile i had a friends with benefits guy. he was not my

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for awhile i had a friends with benefits guy. he was not my boyfriend. then i met another guy who i really liked and we started talking and he said that he loved me and we got intimate and had sex together, and then at the same time i went and had sex with the other guy who wasnt my boyfriend twice. after that happened i left the friends with benefits guy because i fell in love with the guy who is now my boyfriend. i moved in with him and we were so in love. then he found out four months later about how i had sex with the other guy at the same time i was seeing him, and he dosnt love me anymore. he feels hurt and he thinks that we were boyfriend/girlfriend when i did that, and we were not. he says that i lied to him because i kept that from him, and that he just cant get over it. and now he says to his ex girlfriend that he loves her and he wont say it to me. i told him that i dont love the other guy he was never my boyfriend,that im in love with u. and i asked him to forgive me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 7 years ago.
Hi Jade,

Nice to see you again. What is your question?

What are your ages?

Did you move out or do you still live together?

How did he find out about the other guy?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
he is 22 and i am 20.we still live together. he found out because he randomly asked me four months into our relationship. he asked me when was the last time i saw that other guy, and i said when we were talking to each other. and when i met my boyfriend , i told him one night that i was gonna go over to that guys house, and i told him i wouldnt do anything with the guy, but i did. and then i saw the guy one last time. and that was it. so my question is, is that considered cheating when we were not officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and is it considered lying if u hide that from somebody. he dosnt trust me anymore. i would never do that if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. but i dont understand why its such a big deal when it happened like six months ago and the guy wasnt my boyfriend. i was in nothing committed at the time
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 7 years ago.
If you were not in a relationship at the time, then no, it shouldn't matter. I can understand that he might feel like things overlapped, but you have to be very clear with him that they did NOT overlap and you weren't seeing them both at the same time.

You also have to make a decision on what you will do if he decides to start carrying on with his ex girlfriend if you will put up with or will you tell him that you won't put up with it. If he will not let it go then you will have to make a decision on whether you will stay with him or not. You cant let him take advantage of this situation. You both need to talk about it and settle it before moving on. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Customer: replied 7 years ago.
they did overlap though, and i was seeing them at the same time. but i only saw the other guy two times, and after that i stopped seeing him and i never call him. and i wasnt in a relationship with either guys at the time. and its been now over a month that he found out about this, and he still cant get over it. and he talks to his ex girlfriend all the time now, and i dont think that is fair at all. and i dont think its fair that he says i love u to her and not me, and im the one living with him. his wont tell his ex girlfriend about me either because he dosnt want her to be upset. so im kinda being hidden. is it considered lying if you dont tell someone about a situation until later on. cause he thinks i lied to him.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 7 years ago.
What I meant is that you weren't in relationships with both of them at the same time, that it did not overlap your relationship. I think that it's not lying because you were not in a relationship with him. When he asked, you told him. What can be more honest than that? You could have lied, but you were straightforward with him and answered his question honestly. In my opinion that doesn't make you a liar. If he wants to use this as an excuse to be with his ex girlfriend, then he needs to be man enough to say that. Think about it, if he's not telling his girlfriend about you, then who is the liar here?

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