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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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my boyfriend, 40+ yrs old, likes the attention he gets from

Resolved Question:

my boyfriend, 40+ yrs old, likes the attention he gets from his daughters, 18, friends. is it wrong to call him out on it? especially when they stand around in their bras? i think it is wrong and he should tell them to put some clothes on. am i wrong to feel sick, and angry that he doesn't stand up and tell them it is inappropriate?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-How long have you been dating him?

 

-Do you live together?

 

-Do you get along with his daughters?

 

-Are they both 18?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have been dating him for almost 2 years. We do not live together and yes all of us get along. It's not just his daughters friends, its has also happened with a couple of his "youth group" girls, showing him their legs, with their little skirts on, very low cut shirts, etc. He says he is a Christian man but never stands up to the flirty little games they play, he gets a kick out of it, and my mind only wonders what more. I have talked to him about it and he instantly gets defensive, "they are like my daughters", "its innocent". I do not believe this is just an innocent thing anymore since he also enjoys the attention from any other woman, why? because he hides it from me and then yells at me for being insecure.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

It's time for you to mention something to him about it being inappropriate and also mention to him that if their parents find out they will not be happy and could try to charge him or even go to his church about this. They may be like his daughter but the fact is that they are not and I don't think their father would appreciate his actions. How can you get a kick out of seeing young women dressing inappropriately and he does nothing about it. You are not being insecure you are actually worried about the behavior you have seen. We as human's are weak and a situation may arise that he sees a girls dressed that way and decide to cross that line because they are of age and he can not get in trouble.

 

If he cared anything about your feelings and your worries he wouldn't call you insecure and if it's so innocent why does he get defensive when you bring it up. It may be time for you to give him an ultimatum either show you respect as his girlfriend and tell these girl to dress more appropriately when in his presence or you will end the relationship, when you are in a relationship it's all about respect and honoring your relationship and tell him you feel disrespected when he allows these girls to dress and act this way. He seems to be having some kind of midlife crisis. These girls may make him feel young and vibrant but it's still crossing lines.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have told him this. What other response do I give him? How do I tell him to look at him self? How do I tell him to grow up?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

What is it called when he won't tell them to stop? What does it say about him? Is he being a coward? He doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I'm sick of that response.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

At 40 years old you can't tell him all of this he has to want to do it, tell him that he isn't acting like someone that has daughters their age and that you feel he needs to go up and stop trying to live as a teen he needs to set examples for these girls and make a good impression. Tell him his actions are not very Christian and that people are going to see him and say he is acting like a middle age pervert. He can not possibly gain respect acting this way. All you can do is talk to him and tell him you are not happy but still in all he has to want to change that about himself. It may be time to think about if he is who you want in your life and if your answer is no to that not while he is acting this way then maybe drastic behavior calls for drastic measures. You need to ask him if he would rather hurt your feelings and make you feel like you are inadequate than to hurt their feelings and make your relationship stronger.

 

He is enabling this behavior and these are going to get around boys that may not have self restraint and may do something to them that they don't want done. This is why it's important for him to be setting an example instead of making them think this is okay.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com