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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Hi,

Resolved Question:

Hi,
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Sorry, it closed the window before I could get started as I'm sure you could tell...

So, my questions is this...

I'm a 31 year old female and have been in a healthy and loving relationship with a 36 year old man for the past 6 months. Its a great relationship and truthfully, I have almost no complaints. I just have one reservation that is causing me some distress...

About 3 months into dating, he sat me down and shared with me that his last relationship had been with a man and that it had lasted a year and a half. Before that, he had had sex with a few other men. Prior to that, his relationships had all been with women including a marriage.

He explained to me that he is always monogamous in his relationship and that I never had to worrry about him being attracted or faithful to me but that I deserved to know everything about his past. I don't find his past a turn off necessarily and its something I want to accept however, I am very concerned that he isn't being totally open with himself. Getting married and having a family is something that is very important to him and I know he wants to do that with a woman - whether its for social reasons or truly just his personal preference - I just don't know.

I am very confident in his feelings for me but this is unchartered territory. I don't know anyone in my life who can relate to this experience and I don't feel that I can talk about it to my friends since its his personal experience and he has told so few people...


Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes you are right it is his personal business and was before you so you really shouldn't tell anyone. It's hard enough for him to sort out his feelings and sexuality without having the added pressure of having to explain to your friends and family something that is so private. As far as your fears, I think it's fair so say that you are afraid that he may figure out that he wants to be with men again and may leave you for them or perhaps it could be that you do not want to get married and have children and then later on him come home and tell you he is leaving you for a man. You can usually judge a man by his track record in relationships and like he has told you he has always been in monogamist relationships so you don't have to worry about that but your worries are something you are definitely going to have to talk to him about, tell him your fears and be completely honest he will respect the fact that you are being honest and willing to work through this.

 

Many people are bi-curious and want to know what it's like to be in a gay relationship but the fact that he was with someone for a year and a half may make it seem a little more gay than bi-curious. He has to be the one to put your mind at ease because this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, maybe ask him to go to counseling before he decides to take such a huge step with you this way the counselor could help him to figure out and come to grips with his sexuality you would rather find out now than later when you are married with children. Make sure you let him know that you are going to be supportive of him no matter what because struggling with your sexuality is not a fun thing to go through especially alone and when you have a great support system it's easier for him to work things through.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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