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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18779
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husband tries to convince me I have mental problems and

Customer Question

My husband tries to convince me I have mental problems and the sad part is he involves the children. I know there are two sides to every story. I have been to counseling and read as many self help books I can to find out if I have a problem. I still go to counseling. It is the involving the children that bothers me. He has no respect that talking against their mother is hurtful.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Susan Ivy replied 5 years ago.

HelloCustomer

 

Thank you for using Justanswer for your concern.

 

It sounds like he may have the problem. Has he been willing to go to counseling?

 

You seem absolutely willing to look at yourself and improve yourself.

 

You may need to stand up to him and ask him to stop making these statements in from of the children, and affirm that you are not crazy.

 

But I realize that the situation is more complex than that. I really think it sounds as if he needs to attend couples counseling. Problems in a relationship are rarely just one person's problem. They are shared.

 

It is basically verbally abusive to call you "crazy". That is about as politcally incorrect as saying the "N" word would be to a person.

 

Let me know what other recommendations or help I can give you.

 

Edit - I'll be sending this to the relationship category, as per Justanswer policy. Good luck!

 

 

 

 

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Susan Ivy has given you some good suggestions, and I'd like to add to her advice.

It IS absolutely wrong for your husband to call you 'crazy' or ANY names, in front of the children. It does sound like you've recognized you have some problems, and are trying your best to sort them out, through reading on your own (VERY good choice!), and continuing with counseling. It does sound as if your husband would benefit from counseling, also, and you would both benefit from marriage counseling. Ask your current counselor if he/she can recommend someone for your husband to see, and also to recommend a good marriage counselor in your area.

When your husband begins to say something derogatory about you in front of the children, quickly say, "please stop talking now; this is to be discussed in private, so please join me in the other room". If he continues, repeat this again, and then ask the children to leave the room, if he won't leave with you. If this happens at the dinner table, get up, go to his chair, and gently put your hand on his shoulder and say, come, I'd like to discuss this further, in private, with you. Again, if he refuses to move, YOU leave the room, but listen to make sure he doesn't put you down in front of the children. You could also just cut him off, mid-sentence and start a new subject for discussion, including the children in the discussion.

I don't know the ages of the children, and of course, the younger they are, the worse it is for them to hear this, but if they are older and more mature, they should understand what he's doing to you IS verbal abuse, and it's unacceptable for one person to talk to a spouse in this manner.

Try to let him know, by telling him in private, and by your actions in front of the children, that you absolutely will not allow him to speak to you in that manner and if he would like to discuss your mental health with you, you'd be willing to do that, in a counseling session WITH him. As difficult as it will be to 'keep your cool', try your best not to raise your voice, and speak very calmly when you tell him this.

I hope things improve, and please let me know if you would like to discuss this further.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18779
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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