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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have been knowing this young lady for a long time. From the

Resolved Question:

I have been knowing this young lady for a long time. From the 1st moment I saw her I was in love with her. And its her personality that shines to me! The looks is just the icing on the cake. She has never dated a real man. Her past has brought cheating, lies, verbal and in sm=ome cases physical abuse. I knew this but as I proceeded to get close to her I started to act angry, jealous, and stand-offish and horrible. I have never felt that way before and I was so embarassed by my actions didn't know how to let go and forgive myself like she forgave me. I let it go on and on and she started to get upset with me. I don't want to lose my blessing and will do whatever it takes to make it right again. My question: what can I do to show that I am the man she liked in the beginning? Is time the only way? And if I have to step back for a while is there anything I can do in the meantime like just be there for her and be her friend?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Koop

How long have you known her?

How long have you been dating her?

What made you start acting that way?

Have you been that way in other relationships?

What are your ages?

How does she feel about the relationship now, is she trying to break up?

Do you live together?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

We are in the miltary and I have known her almost a year.

Since she's been in the military for less than a year.

I can be over zealous. When I care about someone it bothers me to see others approach her with bad intentions knowing they see flesh and not the heart as I do. i had other things going on as well and I think that was just another reason I gave myself to act out. Past relationships also came to mind as well. i trusted her but not others including friends to respect her. She told me that she can handle them and that its her job out of respect for me to put them in their place.

I'm 25 and she will be 21 in December.

In other relationships I have not been there like I needed to be. I have given much to others, always helping but I now realize that I didn't keep home 1st.

She feels a little turned off by my actions but still loves me very much. Thrown off by my actions. As far as trying to brea up I don't know but I do wish to make it right!

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Thank you for that additional info. She is right in that you can't put people in their place, she has to learn how to do that. You can't be there 24/7 and by not allowing her to stand up for herself. Of course there will always be people looking at her, or trying to get to know her, but that is the price you pay for dating an attractive woman. The fact is, you have to trust her, because a relationship that lacks trust will not'll drive yourself crazy and drive her away. At some point you realize that we can never truly 'own' someone, we can only own ourselves and our actions. As long as there is respect there for each other, communication, and trust, then you can grow together. Give her a little space, show her that you trust her.....if she ever breaks that trust, you can deal with it then, but in the meantime, if you care about her, give her room. Also, learn from the mistakes in your past or you're bound to repeat them. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I understand that I only own "me"! I don't want a slave. I need a woman and I do understand that guys will attempt to talk to her. I just don't want to see her hurt but I have to let her handle them. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX very much and its more about me than what I feel she's done. I'm embarrassed by my actions and I want to make t right but tell that to my heart. How do I overcome myself and act normal like the man she grew to love? I have never acted that way before and it hurts to know that I could have possibly driven her away b not being myself. Is time the only real way to heal and make things right?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
I didn't mean to suggest that you wanted a slave, I was only commenting on what you told me she said. Yes, if you can curb your behavior, then within time things can go back to the way they used to be provided you've not caused too much damage. I would assume you haven't caused too much damage since she is still there. If you find that you are not able to control yourself, and not able to stop the actions that are affecting both you and her, then you may want to consider going to therapy...there may be some unresolved issues that you need to work out and therapy can help with that. I'm always here if you want to talk more

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