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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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MY HUSBAND HAS NOT TOUCHED ME FOR 6 MONTHS, NOT HELD MY HAND,

Customer Question

MY HUSBAND HAS NOT TOUCHED ME FOR 6 MONTHS, NOT HELD MY HAND, OR TOUCHED MY SHOULDER, DO YOU THINK HE IS HAVING A AFFAIR, OR IS IT JUST BECAUSE HE GOT SOOOO FAT, HE GAINED ABOUT 150 LBS SINCE WE GOT MARRIED 8 YEARS AGO, IT REALLY DOES MAKE ME SICK AND I FEEL SO GUILTY BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, BUT IT IS SO GROSS, HE WEARS HIS UNDERWARE TWO OR THREE DAYS IN A ROW, HE SMELLS, HAS A PANUS, AND THE LAST TIME WE MADE LOVE HE COUGHED AND FLUID FLEW ALL OVER MY MY BACK, IT MAKES ME SICK AND I FEEL SO BAD BECAUSE I SHOULD LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT, BUT I THINK MY HUSBAND IS SO LAZY AND GROSS, WHAT CAN I DO,
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Lam replied 5 years ago.
I am not a marriage expert but a medical doctor. I have been married for 29 years , and so far so good.

Most man want to look good and well with their wife. Some of the symptoms you mention, such as smell, cough, etc reflect poor hygiene, and taht could be a sign of depression or the "blues'. I dont know how communicative he is as a person. Man are generally more closed than women as far as their feelings are concern. Gaining weight can make a body dragged down a lot, and taht could be a problem.

I dont want to caution you with any medication such as anti-depressant which are being dished out easily nowadays and things could be worse with that.

sorry I dont have all the answers for you . No charge.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
<p> WELL, I AM A EDUCATED PERSON, A PHYSICIAN ASSISANT, I AM SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE AND EDUCATED AND I THINK THE POOR HYGEINE IS GROSS. I HAVE VERY HIGH MORALS AND STANDARDS FOR MARRIAGE. I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND, BUT IT REALLY DOES MAKE ME ILL, REALLY SICK ,THE WAY HE IS SO GROSS AND DOSENT EVEN KNOW IT, SHOULD I TELL HIM, OR JUST AVOID HIM</p>
Expert:  Dr. Lam replied 5 years ago.
The truth needs to be known, and a gentle delivery is often more effective for man , esp those with big egos. timing is critical, as right thing done at the wrong time can be wrong at the end. Seperating the non acceptable behavior from the person itself is often constructive as you dont want him to feel attacked which will trigger defense reaction if you know what i mean as we are all human and are not perfect.

Perhaps he has some friends who can help to highlight , or someone he respects that can be of help. Ultimately, you have to deal with it, and you have to find the right time and place to do it, so to day.

Avoidance is a temporary fix at best while you wait for a better timing. But it cannot be avoided forever as if it is still in your heart, then the problem will just continue to eat you up with time from my own experience until it blows up one day.

Poor hygiene is a symptom of underlying issues, and finding those out is the key.

All the best.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
tell me some of the issues of poor hygeine please
Expert:  Dr. Lam replied 5 years ago.
If you like good hygiene, he may be purposly doing poor hygiene to let you know he is displeased.
Also he may be of poor hygiene all along and now decided to revert to his orginial state now that you are married.
These are just common ones. Hope that helps.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
that dosent help, he was the most handsome man i ever met, and then i married him, and 6 years later he becomes a slop, a overweight lazy man that dosent care at all about looking good for his wife, let alone himself i feel like such a bad person because he really just repulses me at times, but i still love him, i just wish he would care enough to look a little bit good. we went on a cruise last month and he couldnt fit in the airplane seat comfortable, he could not sit in the kayak with our it sinking, he could not do the zip linning, what is wrong with him, there is aot of wonderful life out there, he just does not want to experience it with me
Expert:  Dr. Lam replied 5 years ago.
I can sympathize with your situation. Bummer. True love is very painful at times, and it will wear you out if the committment is not foundationally strong. I know it is easy to say and hard to live it. We are all human. its very unusual for a person to change drastically without some underlying issues which may be too painful to be dealth with or too afraid to be faced by your hushand. I am just guessing here.

Sorry I dont have better advice . This is venturing into an area beyond my expertise and i dont want to give you any "professional" advice but rather just as a friend and give you a bit of my experience . Hope you understand. Perhaps a familly counsellor would be more qualified to help you navigate thru this difficult time. Experts in this field is out there.

In difficult times and when all seems hard to overcome, prayer is warranted, and I will be praying for you. All the best.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello America,

Have you tried to talk to him about this at all?

What are your ages?

How long have you been together?

Has anything happened in the past few years that would trigger depression or hom feeling bad about himself or life?

Chase

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