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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I have learned the red flags of a man who is not going to be

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I have learned the red flags of a man who is not going to be for me, and I act on my feelings quickly. I am looking for someone who is sincerely XXXXX XXXXX can accept a woman as she is, but I don't know what the early signs are that I am speaking with that kind of man. Any hints on what to notice about a man that gives clues to his goodness and kindness and his integrity? I'm stuck. I've not been good at this. Please help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

 

Welcome back........I just posted a response to your kind words on your other old question. I am so pleased to hear you are not jumping back in with your ex husband. I was concerned but knew you were a fighter and would not fall into that abyss!

 

So it sounds like you are jumping into the dating pool........good for you! And good news. there are many different little things to watch out for in a good man and a bad man. Men are often far easier to read then they would like you to think. At the end of the day we tend to be rather simple with few real needs. The difference between a good man and a not so good man......is the good man will almost always put his needs behind yours.

 

When talking on the phone or online watch for little indicators that he is disrespectful. If he is eager to talk about sexual things in nature early into the friendship then he is not the kind of man you want to be around. While it is true that in todays society sex is more free the reality is a respectful man will not broach anything sexual until you are officially friends or have a strong attraction. Those that do are often looking for one thing.......and you do not want to waste your time with such a man.

 

A man that speaks highly of his family, children etc tends to be a more honest man. Watch out for complaints about his mother or ex wives. While everyone has there own moments with family a decent guy will not speak ill of family except when warning you if you are meeting them and one or another tends to have a personality issue he wants to forewarn you of.

 

While men love to talk about themselves a fair man will also want to know allot about you. What your likes and dislikes are. He may ask you about your ex's or other relationships but will seldom pry. A man that is to interested in ex's may be a bit controlling or jealous.

 

Try to find out if he has kids and how often he sees them. Though keep in mind if they live a good distance this may not be a indicator that there is a problem. If they live near him and he has little to no contact run fast!

 

When talking to him, ask him about past relaitoships.....does he share the blame or is every bad relationship the other partners fault? If so he may be one of those fellows who likes to blame others for his own mistakes. Though if he has only had one or two relationships this may not be a good indicator since sometimes the other partner is to blame.

 

If you are online watch out for spelling mistakes........while we all make a few mistakes you want a fellow who takes pride in what he is doing. If he leaves careless mistakes he may be a little lazy.

 

Ask him what he likes to do.........a well rounded person should like to get out of the house a few times a week to see a movie or even to just stroll the park. If all he likes is movies and TV this is a indication that he may be more of a couch potato.

 

Watch out for signs of anger....if he is often complaining about other people or angry about things then run far. A well controlled man will be angry sometimes but will seldom display this to a women he is interested in.

 

Ask what type of work he does, how long he has been there, why he left his last job. These are very important questions because you want a guy who is serious about his financial life and has goals for the future.

 

When dating with gentlemen always watch out for the little things. The way a man is dressed speaks a lot about him. While suits and ties are great for dinner not all men are very comfortable dressed in such a formal manner so try not to toss aside someone who dresses more causally. Though watch for things like cleanness and no wrinkles. A man that takes pride in himself would never go out on a date with a wrinkled shirt!

 

While opening doors for you and being a proper gentlemen is something that should be always done some men no longer do this for fear of looking like they are old fashioned. If he is doing those things then I would give him double points.......because that shows that he doesn't care what others think that he is a gentlemen to the bone.

 

Another very big thing to watch out for is if he gives you very little choice in the date. If he has everything planned out this could be controling...though it can also be confident. The key is does he do it all the time? If you suggest a change is he OK with it? If so then this shows confidence as well as the ability to take things in stride.

 

And finally if he asks to come in........this should be a warning sign. A gentlemen never asks to come in unless the date has shown in some way that she may be interested in furthering the evening. Though sometimes after 3 or 4 dates the man may ask if you do not offer. In the end take it at your pace. If he asks and you are not ready be honest. Let him know you are not ready for that aspect yet but let him know you are intrested.....just want to take it slow. A gentlemen will always be OK with this. If he acts angry or frustrated then he is not the right kind of guy.

 

Be confident yourself......there is nothing more beautiful then a confident women. You have a lot to offer any man out there so do not sale yourself short and settle with someone who is less then par.

 

Walter

 

 

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Walter
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Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)