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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Ive been married for 2 months. A few days ago I found that

Resolved Question:

I've been married for 2 months. A few days ago I found that my husband had visited a website called amatuermatch.com. It is an adult online dating site where people search for companions and sex partners. I confronted my husband about it and he apologized and he told me that he had a porn addicted. He said before meeting me he paid for a membership on the site to try to find someone since it had been so long since he had had sex. After a few months he figured out it was a scam and canceled the membership. We also met around that time. However, he said he continued to visit the site for the free porn galleries. He swore that he never intended to cheat on me but is only addicted to the porn. I'm not sure what to do. Should I believe that he was only on there for the porn? I know many men look at porn, should I consider this a problem? What should we do? I am very confused and hurt.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Porn addiction is a serious problem and one that should not be taXXXXX XXXXXghtly. While most men do look at porn if he is honest about having a addiction then it is time to take care of the problem.

 

What I would suggest is sitting down with him and asking him how he wants to deal with the issue. As far as him chatting.....this is one of those trust situations. Unless you know he is lying or you have reason to suspect he is lying then you will either have to trust him on this or decide what you want to do. The fact is there must be trust in a marriage....while what he did was wrong, that does not mean he was cheating or planning on cheating so you must decide if you want to trust him on this.

 

You will want to have him deal with this now instead of putting it off. If he does have a porn addiction then now is the time to seek help for it before it gets out of control. He can speak with a counselor or he can consider joining a group that is in your area. While he can work on this on his own he will need to be serious about it. Often when a man decides to work on this on his own he needs to be accountable......basicly what this means is he needs someone to help him be accountable for his actions. You can discuss installing programs to help prevent access to these types of sites to help with the spur of the moment desires.

 

As for what you should do.........only you can answer that question. The fact is men do sometimes look, and that is normal. I know this may make you feel a little funny and or maybe a little insecure. But the reality is those feelings are natural. Some couples find viewing porn occasionally together helps. This gives him the OK to look once in a while as well as gives you the right to look as well as enjoy this with him. If this makes you feel uncomfortable then consider setting up serious when it is OK for him to look. Some couples have a open understanding that when the one or the other is not in the mood or out of commission due to women issues this is a acceptable time to view porn. In the end it is always better to sit down and open up the lines of communication to decide how big the problem is and how to deal with it in your unique relationship. Everyone has a different relationship then others so try not to allow yourself to be concerned about what is normal or what you think is normal......deal with this in such a way that makes both of you comfortable and you will find that as time goes by your relationship will be stronger for it.

 

Please do not forget to click the accept button if my answer is helpful.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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