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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I have been seeeing a man for about 8 months.He is 25 years

Customer Question

I have been seeeing a man for about 8 months.He is 25 years older than me . I just found out that he took his long time woman frien to Colorodo on vacation 2 months ago without me knowing .Also he does not want this woman to know about me and he dosent want his daughter to know bout me .We work together also . I dont want to give up the relatonship but I sont know if it is going any where what do I do
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Did you know he was seeing this woman when you started the relationship?

 

-How long has he been with this woman?

 

-How old is his daughter and is the daughter with this woman?

 

-Does he live with this woman or do they live separately?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am 26 and he is 51 . I knew he was seeing her but he says they are just good friends.He says that they were in a romantic relationship for about a year then they have just been good friendsand he has known her for 7 years.His daughter is 17 and she does not live with this woman, the woman picks his daughter up at her house and shuttles her to her house and back because he lives 3 hours away and they meet at the womans house every other weekend sometimes once a month .It makes it easier for him . Wendy the woman lives about 1hr 30 mins from aimee his daughter . He lives 3 hrs away from aimee so instead of picking aimee up and taking her back home , wendy picks her up and takes her back home . But it bothers me that he will not talk to me when he is with them
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It seems as though he is having his cake and eating it too. You have to discuss your concerns with him and ask him to be honest about his relationship with Wendy and how close it really is if he is afraid to talk to you when he is with them he may have more of a relationship than he said he has with Wendy. It's really important that you talk to him but it is really up to him if he wants to be honest about his relationship with Wendy and if he doesn't want to lose you then he may not be telling you the truth about that situation. I don't see where he would take her to Colorado with him if they are just friends unless it's for the daughter's sake. To be honest he may be with you because you make him feel young again seeing that you are only 26 years old and he is 51 years old he may think that his daughter will be angry with him to find out he has a girlfriend almost as young as her, this may be what is holding him back from becoming serious with you. He may have picked Wendy because she is more his age and the daughter is used to her but you have to voice your concerns about where his and your relationship is going so that you do not waste your time on something that may never be.

 

You need to ask him the extent of his relationship with Wendy and ask him to be honest and that you deserve the truth and tell him how much it bothers you that he does things with her and not you, if you do not talk to him now he will only think he can continue this behavior and you will not care.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yea another twist to the story is that I work with him also . He is the head veterinarian where I work and sometimes I think that the only reason he dosent dump me is because he dosent want me to spread a bunch of things around about him .For one noone else besides the woman that runs the place knows how old he is and he would hate that is that got around among other things . I wish he would just be honest with me if he really thinks there is no future but I dont think he will . I am afraid that eventually when he starts building his house Wendy will come to live with him and that will be the end of us and I will have asted alot of my time to end up with nothing . Also I cheated on my husband of 6 years with him and we are now getting a divorce that will be final dec 4 of this year . (he is 42)
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It seems as though you have given up more than he has and he has had to give up nothing. This is all the more reason to ask him for the truth and tell him everything you have had to give up for the sake of starting a relationship with him. Are you sure that you can not resolve things with your husband? It doesn't seem fair for you to give up so much and his life continues on just as it was. It's never a good idea to try to keep someone that doesn't want to be kept and also it's not a good idea to try to keep someone out of fear that their secret will come out, he could turn the tables and make you seem like you were stalking him or that it was a one sided relationship on your part. You have to be very careful how you handle this and not try to sound like you are trying to be controlling or pushy. Ask him to tell you where things are headed as far as the two of you are concerned and that you are asking so that you don't waste anymore time and you can move on with your life if need be.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He says that he needs time to get toknw a person before he makes a commitment . I do not want to go back with my husband but want to a chance to be with a person who is right for me id he is not the one I would really like to continue to be with him and he probley would not have cared even if I had stayed with my husband
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
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