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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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What does it mean if someone has no friends and is content

Customer Question

It could be I am just unhappy, but would it be appropriate to contact someone from my distant past that I regret not having stayed with and I still hold up as my ideal mate?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Are you male or female?

Is it you that your saying is content to stay at home and watch tv and has no friends?

What is your age?

Why did you not stay with this person?

Why do you want to go back to them now?

Have you kept in contact with them?

Do you think they would be interested in getting back with you?

What makes them your ideal mate?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Male.
I am content to stay home, yes.
Early 40's
I did not stay with person because I was young, stupid, and afraid of girls.
I probably want to go back to them because I am unhappy where I am and I have this idealized image of her. Fear overcame the love I had for her.
I have not seen or heard from her in 25 years. She is probably married with kids and living on the other side of the world for all I know.
My opinion is, she would know who I was but probably freak out that I am still thinking of her occasionally.
I think I idealize her because she was beautiful and I loved being with her.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for that additional info, and for your candor. You seem to understand that your thoughts of her are not realistic, and in many ways not likely attainable, although stranger things have happened. With the advent of the internet, it's not as uncommon as you might think to reach out to old friends and old loves, it's actually pretty common. I don't think your reasons for reaching out to her are valid though, and would suggest that you work on yourself before you even give it another thought.

Tell me, have you always been like this? If not, when did you notice yourself becoming like this?

Do you work? Any hobbies or anything like that?

Why don't you have friends? have you had friends in the past? what happened?

When was your last relationship? Why did it end?

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Here is some more candor: I am married with 2 children under 12 and I don't think I love my wife. I do love my kids, though, and would prefer to live as long as possible in a loveless marriage to be with them.
If somehow I could get in contact with Michelle, my long lost love, I would consider divorce before meeting her if she were willing to do the same if she happens to be married, too. This may indicate how sincere my love for her is. I would not insult her by cheating with her.
Have I always been a loner? For the most part, yes. And I tested as an ISTJ recently.
I have had the same job for 20 years.
Hobbies: reading and listening to music.
Have had friends in distant past. I don't know why I preferred not to make more.
Recently, though, I have started therapy and this will largely be what I pursue in that setting. That, and the strange, lifelong abnormality of not being able to feel love except for children.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Relic,

I was out ill for a day, I am typing a response to you now if you want to wait a few minutes

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Of course, I will wait a week if I have to !
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
One of the first things I want to say is that it is possible that you do feel love in your own way. The media and people give us ideas of what love is supposed to feel like, and everyone espouses roses, and moonlit walks, and romeo and juliet, but love isn't always like that, and there are different ways of loving. That's not to say you might not have an issue with love or loving, but that's something hopefully you can explore while in therapy. I think therapy is a great idea, and you may find out a lot about yourself that can help.

I'm not sure what you feel for Michelle is love because you have to ask yourself, what do you really know about Michelle right now? You are in love with who Michelle used to be. Remember that is not fair to Michelle because she is not the person she used to be back then. If you are going to contact her, don't contact her because you are unhappy with your current life, contact her cause you want to see how she is. Even if you did contact her, i wouldn't come out and tell her that you think about her all the time or are still in love with her.....you're right, she might freak out. Just play it cool, and see how she is, and take it from there. Don't assume anything.

Not everyone is into the friendship thing, but there's nothing wrong with having a couple of them. Sometimes you need someone you can kick back with and confide in. Even to just go out with once in a while, especially since you say you prefer to stay home. Even if you don't feel like going out, sometimes you have to make yourself go out, you might be surprised at the fun you could have. Again, I'm glad that you are going to therapy, it's a good way to address any issues you have and to get past them, solve them and move through them, etc. If you don't feel that your therapist is working for you, don't be afraid to change (after giving it a good amount of time of course, everything takes time) and of course I'm here if you ever need to talk, you can always ask for me by name.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
"...what do you really know about Michelle right now? You are in love with who Michelle used to be. Remember that is not fair to Michelle because she is not the person she used to be back then."

Excellent point, Chase.
But who really knows what I was in love with back then? Her persona at that time, or her soul. If soul, that would not change today.
Anyway, it is not likely I will find her. Her parents probably live in the same house, but approaching them would be.....awkward to say the least. I've tried doing a general people search on the Internet with no luck. If I could just write her a short note asking how she is and who she became ; And let her know how deeply I regret not persuing our relationship further when I had the chance, this would be enough for me to move on with content through the rest of my days.

Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate you helping me get this off my chest.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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Ms Chase
Ms Chase
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Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues