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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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im going out with a guy ive known for 13 years and been out

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im going out with a guy ive known for 13 years and been out with him many times in the past. problem is when we get close he runs away.he has now told me that he has only slept with someone twice and both times a disaster and that was years ago. he hasnt tried since. we kiss and cuddle but he dosent go any further. ive asked him and he says its just him, but he dosent want to be like this all his life. he is 32.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-Do you mean you haven't been intimate with him?


-What did he mean they were disasters?


-Do you think he thinks it may be his performance that is lacking?

-Are you dating exclusively now?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

we have not been intimate. yes we have been going out for 6 months. i have a son age 6 who he really gets on with.

when he said it was a disaster - he didnt tell me why,but it has affected him quite badly as the thought of sleeping in my bed with me scares him. saying that we went away for 1 nite last weekend.he slept in the same bed with me which was probably a big thing for him, but he only gave me a cuddle to sleep. i dont want to pressure him.

when we kiss its like he backs away as ive never really seen him getting turned on or get an erection, so im not sure if he dosent get these feelings....

i did kind of let my hand slip (ha ha) when he was sleeping and i think he has quite a small penis but even although i rubbed it for a wee while he never got an erection.should he have got an erection even although he was sleeping.




It really depends on how heavy he sleeps he may not have felt it but it sounds as though he was not able to satisfy those women he was intimate with so this has made him afraid to even try to get intimate with anyone else. This is something he has to work through if he wants an intimate relationship with you, he may need to consult a doctor to see if maybe he has an erectile dysfunction, that could very well be what the problems is but he is too embarrassed to tell you, what you can try to do is try to make him feel comfortable about talking to you so that you can find out exactly what his problem may be. You don't want to get into a serious relationship with someone who is so afraid to get intimate you have needs that you will want met and if he doesn't meet those needs it could cause conflict in your relationship.


You may need to come out and ask questions about his performance when he was intimate with the other women, ask him if he was able to get an erection and ask about the performance. Although he felt small when you felt him up when he has an erection it may get bigger but this has become an issue now and you really have to find out why he is so afraid to get intimate before it becomes too much of a problem. You've known him for 13 years so he should feel comfortable talking to you he may not want to be the one to start the conversation so you be the one to do it. Talk to him also about seeing a Doctor or you can talk to one of our health experts they are required to be health professionals. Let me know what you want to do.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

thanks. yes i think i need to talk to him. i just hope he gives me the answers.

do you think it could be pyschological now as he is thinking back to the experiences in his past?

there again im sure it must be an erection problem like you said.

do you think the next step if he talks to me is to see a doctor if it turns out to be an erectile problem and is there things doctors can give or do to help. can it be treated?




Yes it could be a little bit of a pyschological thing now since the bad experiences but I can not tell you if it's an erection problem because I am not a health expert that is why I asked if you wanted to talk to one of our health experts they are very qualified and are required to be a health professional, Doctor, Nurse. If you want I can tranfer you to one?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

yes please. i would like to speak to a health expert.

thanks for your help



You're Welcome and Good Luck!



I have done some research on erectile dysfunction and from what I've read it said that Erectile Dysfunction is not being able to get or keep an erection before or during sexual intercourse. Erectile dysfunction is more commonly known as impotence. Most men are embarrassed or ashame to talk about it even to their Doctors, depression and anxiety can contribute to this condition and make it worse. Only his Doctor can diagnose his condition and possibly put him on some type of medicate but he has to be willing to ask his Doctor about his condition and talk openly with his Doctor. With medication he may be able to have a healthy sex life but he has to seek advice from his Doctor or medical professional.

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